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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask for creative ideas to show "D"P how annoyed I am?

75 replies

wildpasta · 24/05/2017 19:31

Name changed as some people may have recognized me in previous posts.
My "D"P has just phoned to say he is coming home "later" ie. approx 10 pm. We had arranged that he would come back at 7 pm today. He has been out at a musical activity since 2 pm and is now sitting with his friends (drinking presumably...)
So it doesn't sound too bad that he will be three hours later than planned, however he was out on Friday until 1:30 am (and I picked him up - again a musical activity), Saturday until 2 am (musical activity + after show party), Sunday he had a music practice which ended up with him drinking with some pals until midnight (came home in a taxi). Monday we both had a musical activity together. Last night he was out until 11 pm (preparing for the musical activity today) and now he is still out.
We are not in the UK and tomorrow is a public holiday.
However, I have absolutely had enough. The key is currently stuck in the lock so he can't get in.
But WWYD? I have about an hour and a half before he comes in. I need some creative ideas as to what I could do to show how pissed off I am. I thought about buggering off with the tent and a sleeping bag and sleeping in the woods, phone switched off.
I am not at the point of LTB yet so LTB comments are not particularly helpful.
He says it is always bad in May and June with lots of musical events and it will be better soon. Fair enough - we have no DC - the musical events are not a problem in themselves but there is no necessity for him to be out after midnight several nights in a row.
I am exhausted. I just want a night of unbroken sleep where I go to bed at 10 or so and am not woken up 3 hours later by some drunk.

OP posts:

RhiWrites · 24/05/2017 20:40

Well you could call him "liar" instead of his name.

"Hello liar, so you're back are you?"
"Morning liar, how did you sleep on your bed of lies?"
"Right liar, I'm off to to the shops."
"I'm not going to bother asking you when you'll be back liar because what's the point? You'll lie. Again."

Or you could LTB?

nogrip · 24/05/2017 20:46

Why all the mystery surrounding your musical activities. In fact, what the fuck is a musical activity?

Lemonnaise · 24/05/2017 20:50

"Morning liar, how did you sleep on your bed of lies?"

That is brilliant

Brogadoccio · 24/05/2017 20:54

I'd check in to a hotel. Leave your phone at home on the counter, switched off, in full view. Have a weekend of reading and swimming and eating and thinking whether or not you can be arsed.

BertrandRussell · 24/05/2017 20:55

If you don't have children, why on earth can't he stay out if he wants to? He's a grown up!

SunnyCoco · 24/05/2017 20:57

I'm with you Bertrand

Goldfishjane · 24/05/2017 20:57

Bertrand I agree he can stay out, he needs to shut up coming home though. It is a bit buried in op last line - but she's knackered and venting so fair enough.

SunnyCoco · 24/05/2017 20:59

I'm with you Bertrand

sykadelic · 24/05/2017 21:04

nogrip I thought it was pretty obvious that it was a gig of some sort but that the OP was being vague so she didn't out him (i.e. production, musician, etc etc).

caffeinestream · 24/05/2017 21:07

I think it's fine to go out, but it's not fine for him to come home pissed every morning and wake OP up.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 24/05/2017 21:16

What Sunnycoco said.

What exactly is the issue? There's no kids to look after, you don't seem to have made any specific plans... so what?

If it's being woken in the night by a drunk then he needs to kip in the living room when he comes rolling in. And the same goes for you.

This game playing with the key in the lock seems to be achieving the opposite of your intended quiet night.

Mumchatting · 24/05/2017 21:51

I would be bothered terribly. 5 out 7 evenings coming back late and drunk - that's a little bit too much for me.
What's the point of being in relationship then if he doesn't care to spend time with you OP?
And what if you had kids together? Will he be choosing musical activities over family life too?

caffeinestream · 24/05/2017 22:01

Everyone saying it's no big deal...shouldn't people in relationships WANT to spend time together?

What's the point in being in a relationship if you're always out getting pissed with your mates and you never see your partner?

Nanny0gg · 24/05/2017 22:31

Everyone saying it's no big deal...shouldn't people in relationships WANT to spend time together?

^^This

LindyHemming · 24/05/2017 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 24/05/2017 22:45

Of course people in relationships should want to spend time together. But not every night! And if he has a week of gigs, is he expected to only d 3 of them so that he can be home?

missm0use · 24/05/2017 22:49

Doesn't matter wether the OP has children or not, her DP is being an inconsiderate prick. He's made arrangements with OP and then sat and got pissed with his mates instead and then called her to cancel. Doing it once is annoying, but 5 out of 6 nights in a row shows a compete lack of respect for her.

If it was me (and it has been me before) text him and say to find somewhere else to stay for tonight as your tired of his shitty behaviour / treatment of you, key in the door and turn off your phone and unplug the landline, shove some ear plugs in and settle down for a cozy night of uninterrupted sleep!

As for 'revenge' I hid DP's beloved Bluetooth magnetic floating / spinning speaker for 48 hours after a similar week of shitty behaviour! Was joyous watching him hunt for it and seeing him get frustrated!

caffeinestream · 24/05/2017 22:50

No, but you should have the decency to be quiet and not disturb your partner when you get in at gone midnight. That's just selfish. If you're not capable of being quiet, then you find somewhere else to stay.

Salmotrutta · 24/05/2017 22:58

So he just does this "from time to time"?

Well. if you aren't in "LTB" territory you need to have a simple and adult conversation.

Don't listen to the crap about lego in shoes or any of that nonsense.

Speak to him.

Then, if he doesn't listen - LTB

BertrandRussell · 24/05/2017 23:23

"Speak to him.

Then, if he doesn't listen - LTB"

What's she going to say "I want you to cancel your gigs and stay home with me"?

zzzzz · 24/05/2017 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

keeplooking · 24/05/2017 23:50

Do you have DCs? Are you from the UK ?

Original post: we have no DC. We are not in the UK

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 24/05/2017 23:55

You could try to act like a grown up and, ya know, tell him rather than asking a load of randomers how you can do something suitably immature to punish another grown adult.

melj1213 · 25/05/2017 00:00

If he was doing this every night, then you would not be unreasonable to be pissed off

The fact he does it for a few nights over a short period is annoying but honestly, not the end of the world, especially if you know it's a short "phase" and not a new permanent change

What would be the end of the world, for me, would be getting woken up by his loud/drunken returns, which ultimately seems to be the issue you actually have a problem with.

So I'd let him in tonight (because seriously, you want an undisturbed night's sleep and then actively lock him out, which is probably going to lead him to knock on the door/ring the bell to be let in and cause more of a cacophany?!) and make him sleep on the sofa. Then in the morning I'd sit him down to have a serious conversation about being considerate - so that means if and when he does stay out late, he needs to STFU when he comes in and sleep on the sofa rather than disturb you coming into your bedroom etc.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/05/2017 00:15

What's she going to say "I want you to cancel your gigs and stay home with me"? Or "I'm being kept awake by your drunk ass 5 nights out of 6. What are you going to do to make sure I get some sleep?"

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