Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for creative ideas to show "D"P how annoyed I am?

75 replies

wildpasta · 24/05/2017 19:31

Name changed as some people may have recognized me in previous posts.
My "D"P has just phoned to say he is coming home "later" ie. approx 10 pm. We had arranged that he would come back at 7 pm today. He has been out at a musical activity since 2 pm and is now sitting with his friends (drinking presumably...)
So it doesn't sound too bad that he will be three hours later than planned, however he was out on Friday until 1:30 am (and I picked him up - again a musical activity), Saturday until 2 am (musical activity + after show party), Sunday he had a music practice which ended up with him drinking with some pals until midnight (came home in a taxi). Monday we both had a musical activity together. Last night he was out until 11 pm (preparing for the musical activity today) and now he is still out.
We are not in the UK and tomorrow is a public holiday.
However, I have absolutely had enough. The key is currently stuck in the lock so he can't get in.
But WWYD? I have about an hour and a half before he comes in. I need some creative ideas as to what I could do to show how pissed off I am. I thought about buggering off with the tent and a sleeping bag and sleeping in the woods, phone switched off.
I am not at the point of LTB yet so LTB comments are not particularly helpful.
He says it is always bad in May and June with lots of musical events and it will be better soon. Fair enough - we have no DC - the musical events are not a problem in themselves but there is no necessity for him to be out after midnight several nights in a row.
I am exhausted. I just want a night of unbroken sleep where I go to bed at 10 or so and am not woken up 3 hours later by some drunk.

OP posts:
Inertia · 24/05/2017 19:53

Don't bother with game playing-what's the point?

Can you lock your bedroom door? That way he can get in and sleep on the sofa, but won't disturb your sleep. You would need to tell him that the bedroom would be locked before he comes home though, else he'll wake you trying to get in.

Original poster
wildpasta · 24/05/2017 19:57

The musical activities are a hobby.

OP posts:
ThatItBe · 24/05/2017 19:58

I suggest telling him to arrange sleeping elsewhere on these late night music events as it is too disturbing to you to have him coming in pissed.
Games are not going to solve anything.

rollonthesummer · 24/05/2017 20:00

He isn't behaving like a cock but don't play games with him. Tell him why you're pissed off until he gets it.

Does he go to work?

caffeinestream · 24/05/2017 20:00

Then ask him why he gets to go out, do his hobby, get pissed and disturb you every night.

What's the point in being in a relationship with someone who would rather do his hobby and get pissed with his mates than spend any time with you?

Crashbangwhatausername · 24/05/2017 20:01

Cut the water supply off

MikeUniformMike · 24/05/2017 20:02

kick him out

anotherpoisonprince · 24/05/2017 20:03

X post. Go wildpasta. He is taking the piss.

mylaptopismylapdog · 24/05/2017 20:03

Tell him that's fine you've set up the tent for him and are off to bed!

MatildaTheCat · 24/05/2017 20:04

Get up bright and early having slept with earplugs and play his least favourite music really loudly. Or make some minor spadjustment to his instrument which will require a stay at the instrument hospital...best if you can engineer this so he breaks his ukelale himself IYKWIM.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/05/2017 20:04

Would he get arrested for "drink driving" if you gave him the car keys. Some countries will prosecute simply for attempting to enter the car drunk even though you have no intention of driving.

If you think he would be fine, sleeping bag in car is a splendid idea. And consider moving to a 2 bed if you want to continue this relationship. Idk if you intend to have children, but it won't be fun if this continues.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 24/05/2017 20:06

Do you have DCs? Are you from the UK ?

If not, just don't be there when he comes back, hotel would be my plan. Or even a flight home if you can get Friday off as well.

If it's not working before you have DCs and aren't married, don't fight for your relationship, it'll only get worse when life gets hard.This is the period it should be amazing, not hard work.

TheNaze73 · 24/05/2017 20:06

Talk to him like an adult, bite & don't just bark. And don't bother with the passive aggressive behaviour.

MapMyMum · 24/05/2017 20:07

If you can afford a hotel do that, if not a friends/relatives house? But dont spend the evening talking about him, dont mention anything about him being out and you not liking it otherwise youll spend all night talking about him!

KatharinaRosalie · 24/05/2017 20:10

So he's in a band? It's just on the cusp of making it, I bet. Spends all his free time drinking with his buddies.

I know the type. You can show your frustration until you're blue in the face, but he won't change.

zzzzz · 24/05/2017 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunnyCoco · 24/05/2017 20:13

Appreciate I'm in the minority but to be honest I don't really see why it's such a big deal. If you don't have kids it's not like it's causing you more work. He can't go out with his friends a few times a week? If it's waking you up when he gets in can he sleep on sofa or at a friends house?

Maybe you could start some hobbies too so you have a nice evening too

Goldfishjane · 24/05/2017 20:13

It's the last line that's critical
If he won't show respect and keep quiet and sleep on the couch, he should stay elsewhere those nights. But coming home quietly is basic, I couldn't live with someone lacking the consideration to do that.

Original poster
wildpasta · 24/05/2017 20:16

Yes he does work.
I am just so darned tired with this carry on.
I have a lot of work on this week and he is being so inconsiderate. I also do musical activities but they are paid work and I need to be fit.
I have decided to put a sleeping bag outside, leave the key in the front door lock and get into bed and go to sleep now.
Here it is not considered drink driving to have car keys in your hand or get into the car when drunk. Legally the line is crossed if you put the key in the ignition even if you don't turn it - so he couldn't get arrested for sleeping in the car.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 24/05/2017 20:18

How long have you been a couple / been cohabiting?

How is your DP usually in terms of socialising?

You mention him saying May and June is busy, hence me thinking you weren't around last May / June? Or is it a new hobby?

Original poster
wildpasta · 24/05/2017 20:28

4 years together, 3 years cohabiting.
He normally isn't too bad but he goes through phases like this from time to time.
I really don't mind him going out to do his hobby (I have my own hobbies too) but this is a step too far as far as I am concerned. It is unnecessary to be out so late for 5 out of the last 6 evenings and then come in making a racket.

OP posts:
AddictedtoSnickers · 24/05/2017 20:30

It sounds like you may need to look for a 2 bed flat if your working and sleeping schedules are so different. Just for a bit of perspective though
OP, it sounds like you are still getting a reasonable amount of sleep so you should be fine tomorrow, even if he disturbs you briefly at 10pm, try not to panic about it.

flapflops · 24/05/2017 20:32

I'd just tell him how you feel rather than playing childish games.

Goldfishjane · 24/05/2017 20:38

Snickers, no, OP isn't getting enough sleep!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/05/2017 20:39

If he's anything like my musician exH, he knows you're annoyed. He just doesn't care.