Mismatched financial values

[Happyhappyveggie]

DP and I have mismatched financial values and it's causing us loads of problems.
DP is a spender and I am not and I spend a lot of my time trying to stem to dam of the issues he causes. For example he recently changed jobs with a massive pay cut and this month has been really tricky as he didn't get paid for a full month last month as had just started the job. He knew it would be tough- we have had to dip into very depleted savings already- and yet while I have been scrabbling about feeding the kids from the back of the cupboard & taking in lunches to work etc, he has been withdrawing cash out of the bank & buying lunch for himself as he's too lazy/ unimaginative to check the cupboards and make something.

I am fuming about it- he'd utterly useless with money and selfish.

I've had years of his inability to manage money and it's wrecked our finances.

Aibu to be pissed off and think it's becoming a relationship deal breaker

[jimijack]

What have you decided to do op?

[Happyhappyveggie]

Had big rant/ row with DP about it the other night after posting this thread- gave ultimatum- he's agreed some of the suggestions on here immediately including no longer taking a bank card to work etc and apologised for being selfish etc.
However bottom line is that I am not sure about our relationship anymore.

[May50]

My Ex P was like this - which I put up with for 10 years. He didn't bring any money in (cocklodger) as was self-employed/hobby but when he did ever get some money, say £50 cash in his pocket, it would be spent on a takeaway straightaway, as a 'treat' he said. It was like having another child. Ended up with so much resentment I asked him to leave (or get a paid job and contribute) - he refused to talk about it, or any counselling , just shrugged and went. I am still getting debt letters chasing him here (my house), so I am so glad we never had a joint house, or anything. One letter from court which I accidentally opened was chasing £5k , I returned it saying he no longer lived here - whether they've caught up with him I don't know.

[jimijack]

So you have drawn a final line in the sand. It's an opportunity for him to prove himself...or not.
So difficult op, good luck with it all, know that there's always someone here with similar experience to listen and chat if you need it x