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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery at 2

73 replies

ToddlerIs2 · 22/05/2017 22:38

Aibu to send my DC as we qualify for a free place? My DSis thinks its awful of me. If is gone back to work DC would have been in nursery full time from 1, this is just 15 hours a week and I really think it'll do her good to socialise. I wouldn't be jidgee of i was working so is it really so terrible to do it whilst I'm not.

I want to do my best for her and do everything I can to prepare her for school but part of that is mixing with peers and its hard o do that with just odd playgoups etc

OP posts:

iguanadonna · 23/05/2017 19:59

People who claim there's no benefit to nursery for under-3s seriously underestimate the value of maternal sanity to a family's wellbeing.

hazeyjane · 23/05/2017 20:08

The reason why children with additional needs get 15 hours free early years education at 2, and often qualify for 1-1 funding is because it can be very beneficial to the child for lots of reasons. ( when i say additional needs, this could include a child who has spent lots of time in and out of hospital - which may affect their attachment and their development)

I work as a 1-1 with children with additional needs in a preschool setting. I work closely with the parents, and outside professionals, implementing therapies under their guidance.

When ds attended this preschool (before I worked here) he was 2.5, he had developmental delay, physical difficulties and big separation anxiety. He had a 1-1, but as he was so clingy I stayed with him (for months!) building up very gradually to leaving him. Preschool was amazing for him, he built up a brilliant relationship with his 1-1, became less wary of other children, found ways to communicate that didn't rely on me (Makaton), and preschool supported me through the EHCP process and his transition to school. His amazing experience was the reason I am now working there with other children who need extra support.

It may not be the best choice for all children, but if you can find the right setting, and you feel it would benefit your child then ignore the naysayers.

field10 · 23/05/2017 20:18

YANBU. Both my girls have been to pre-school from the age of 2. with my eldest me and a friend only went to have a look at it with our kids and as soon as we walked in both of them turned to us and said good bye. They both stayed for the morning and loved it. I think it is great for them to go and play with people their own age. If it wasn't for pre-school my youngest would never see anyone her own age. We don't have anyone close with young children and there is 8 years between my girls. She gets so much more out of going there than if she was at home with me. And you don't have to send your child for the full 15 hours anyway it is up to you how many and how you use the free hours. My daughter started just 2 mornings a week. She is 3 now and goes 2 1/2 days a week. I think it prepares them for school as well.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 23/05/2017 20:20

surely the point of being home is to do the parenting actually its so I could stay in hospital with her for months on end and do all the hospital appointments
A two year old with a normal life doesn't need to socialize meh, define normal. I have lots of friends with lo's of a similar age. They all have very different levels of exposure to other kids, groups etc

OP posts:

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 23/05/2017 20:22

hazeyjane that sounds like DC. Still not talking, major separation issues, some developmental delay and physical issues. Glad it worked for him x

OP posts:

Yura · 23/05/2017 20:23

Send her, especially if she finds other children challenging. maybe sart with 2 mornings. it will also do you good to have some time for other things, and in turn will do her loads of good to have a rested mum (nobody can pay full attention 24/7, breaks for mum benefit children enormously)

Mothervulva · 23/05/2017 20:25

I sent mine before they were two and I'm a SAHP.

user76895432 · 23/05/2017 20:27

You've nothing to lose by trying it out, surely? If she doesn't like it then you can withdraw her with no issues. My DD qualified for 2 year funding and sent her. She really enjoyed it and I benefited from a few hours break.

Fireflybaby · 23/05/2017 20:41

It depends so much on the child. Maybe your child works better in parent and toddler group rather than on her own. If you say she's sentitive and shy I wouldn't put her through the process of being left alone if she's not enjoying it.
Mine both went nursery before 2yo but they enjoyed it. My youngest who''s 3 today absolutely loves going to nursery. He has friends and he loves all the teachers. And everyone likes him. But I've seen children in his group crying no matter how hard the staff were trying to give them attention and love. And I felt bad for them. Some children do great in nursery while others are not happy.

Try and see if it works. But I wouldn't force the child into something they absolutely don't like and you have a choice not to do it...

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 23/05/2017 21:01

We're def trying it with no obligation. If she can't settle we'll withdraw and try again later

OP posts:

thethoughtfox · 24/05/2017 10:51

BackforGood, we are making the same point. There is no benefit to a child from a happy, stable home who has the one-to-one attention of a loving individual who wants to be at home with them ( according to all child development and psychological theory) But in any other circumstances, nursery can be the better option.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 24/05/2017 10:52

My two youngest started at 18 months and 2 1/2 because I was caring for my mum. They have thrived, absolutely loved it! It's also the reason DS2s hearing loss and autism was picked up very early!

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 24/05/2017 11:13

So because im contemplating it i must be a shit mom who wants to be rid of my child and because portage have encouraged me they must think im a shit mom whose child is better off away from her?

Thanks.

Good job I'm secure enough to know this isn't the case. If anything its her bond and attachment to me because everything health wise has been so hard that makes it hard for her to socialize with other children and where they think nursery might help. Her speech is also delayed but because we spend so much close time together I know what she needs and can understand her. In nursery she'll have to work a little harder for it so again they think it'll help.

But no, apparently its just because im a shot mom whose kid deserves better

OP posts:

Vroomster · 24/05/2017 11:20

People who claim there's no benefit to nursery for under-3s seriously underestimate the value of maternal sanity to a family's wellbeing.

^This.

Cheby · 24/05/2017 11:35

There are huge benefits to kids under 3 socialising without their parents. I don't know about educational benefits, but in my friendship group about half are in full time nursery due to work and half have arranged work so the children stay with one parent. When we meet there is a clear difference in the two groups; kids who are in nursery are generally more outgoing, they initiate play with other children more, understand more about taking turns and are much more likely to play in a group than on their own. The ones who aren't in nursery come back to parents much more often.

Obviously this is annecdata but the divide is pretty obvious. All our kids are eldest or only children, 2nd siblings are only just starting to be born, I guess that may have an impact too.

hazeyjane · 24/05/2017 19:23

Can I just say that this is 100%, without a doubt, bullshit.

Children with developmental delays, complex medical needs, disabilities etc can benefit from time spent in the right early years setting, and can come from loving stable homes with tons of 1-1 time, and can come from the opposite if this (just like any other child)

Lots of the children who get 2 year funding (on the low income criteria) also come from stable, happy loving and caring families, but also benefit from spending some time in a quality early years environment.

witsender · 24/05/2017 19:43

OP, I'm sure your daughter will love it. Don't give it another thought tbh, give it a go and see what happens! Worst case is she doesn't like it and you can take it from there.

BackforGood · 24/05/2017 19:46

We certainly are NOT thethoughtfox
I would NEVER come on the internet and imply that the only children who benefit from Nursery at an early age are those from awful home backgrounds. I'm hoping you are saying that through incredible ignorance rather than through any nastiness, but either way I need to distance myself completely from it.
The OP was already doubting herself, and now you've just about said she is a shit parent. Lovely
HazeyJane's post at 20:08 yesterday give a good example.

QuackDuckQuack · 24/05/2017 20:19

The "there's no benefit of nursery for under threes" line that is regularly trotted out is a massive over extrapolation from research. The studies may not have shown any statistical significant difference in the things that the study was measuring between the "at home" and "nursery" groups of children as a whole. But that doesn't mean that there was no benefit for any of the children in the study. It might be that they some children did show a benefit, but others didn't. It might mean that nursery had benefits, but not in the things that the researchers were measuring. It might have been hard to control other variables that masked any benefit.

Inevitably the research wasn't looking at the nursery you are considering for your child. Nurseries vary a lot. I've heard of ones I wouldn't leave a dog in, but I'm confident that the one we use is excellent. It also has a fantastic reputation for supporting children with SEND and that has had a lasting impact on my DD1 who doesn't have SEND, but has experienced a genuinely inclusive environment for as long as she can remember.

If you can see your nursery benefitting your child and your two year old forming meaningful friendships at nursery then it seems preposterous to accept these sweeping generalisations about there being no benefit from nursery for under 3s and that they don't form friendships with peers until 3.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 24/05/2017 20:51

Or that I'd only consider it if I'm a shit mom. Thanks (most) ladies

OP posts:

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 25/05/2017 06:51

ToddlerIs2 I'm sorry you've been made to feel like a shit mum, it really isn't fair. Some people like to drag others down because it makes them feel better about themselves. I hope this thread hasn't put you off. Nursery can be a wonderful thing for kids at 2, it has been for mine.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 25/05/2017 10:36

No it hasn't thank you. If anything the "only shit mom kids need it" has made me feel more strongly that its ok because I know I'm not and I know the people looking down on me are talking twaddle5.
And everyone else is right - suck it and see

OP posts:

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 25/05/2017 19:48

I'm glad it hasn't got to you

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