Bath bombs for a 6yo boy? Long rambling step families post here!

[Catbabymummy]

So, my dss's dm rings up my dh last night about picking dss up tonight. First makes a dig at the fact we were late for his birthday party (which we weren't, we just made it by the skin of our teeth after getting stuck in an enormous traffic jam caused by 4 way temporary traffic lights) and then goes about the fact that he is now into bath bombs. You know, the flowery smelling ones. Dh starts laughing down the phone at her saying "shall i get ribbons for his hair?", even his Godmother was laughing and saying that they are girly. My response was, she's gone bonkers again. Does she not realise that bicarb (the stuff that makes them fizz) could aggravate his eczema as it has a drying affect on the skin?
It drives me mad that everytime she does this she gives dh these commands to him that he MUST do this and he MUSt do that, and she tries to get him to give her a minute by minute itenery? We have dss every fortnight and generally we let him do what he wants (within reason!) and as long as he is having a good time, we shouldn't have to justify to his mum what we do with him.
So I guess there is two questions here?

1. AWBU to not buy him a bath bomb (though if anyone can recommend boyish ones then please do.
2. AIBU to get p*ssed off when dss's mum gives the impression that dh and I are incapable of looking after her precious child ? Before ANYONE jumps on the evil stepmother wagon, as dh split with dss's mum before he was born, and DH and I have been together since DSS was nearly 2 months old (he was about 4 months when I met him for the first time) I have always been a part of his life and I love him like he is my own. It's just that his mum is a controlling b!tch - even his Godmother, incidently his mum's best friend agrees with that!

Sorry Catbabymummy, but in your last long post you come across as very sneering and judgemental - passing comment on the child's mother in many different respects which are really not your concern - her lifestyle, her financial habits, her eating habits - why revel in the fact that her child prefers your cooking to his mother's? It's plain nasty. It's none of your business how she spends her money or her time. And you make the paying of maintenance sound like an ill-deserved favour to her - it isn't, it's your dp's legal and moral obligation towards his child.

I sympathised with you initially but I'm not so sure now.

It's not easy being a single mother.

It's even harder when your childs father and his new girlfriend are critical.

How she spends her money on her child is her business. Not yours.

And give the boy a bath bomb fgs

Actually this has really hacked me off.

Parp. For the first time ever.

Yes - he's getting the bath bombs - and CMB - good for you for telling him off about the gender stuff!

It sounds as if this really is not an easy relationship atm, between you and his Mum - best to rise above it, keep calm and shrug as much as possible, I would say!

Where do you get all that stuff for bath bombs?

Or try putting yourself in her shoes.

Bath bomb...gawd ...how can a bath fizzy thing be girly?...how did it come to this?

Cut her some slack maybe catbabymummy. I have a dh at home and I take my hat off to single moms. Fornightly visits just isn't comparable to 24/7.

actually, dont take this the wrong way but she is the one who the child lives with and i dont think she's wrong in telling you what he likes. it would be fair enough i think that in your house your rules go and he must stick to them but for something as insignificant as him liking bath bombs...i just don't see the problem. (the health issue yes, but not the "girly" one!).

im probably biased to an extent because ive brought my ds up with virtually nil help from his father. his dad, has at times seen him regularly and has done things i dont approve of, such as shoving him in front of the playstation for the whole visit, leaving him alone with his dog (who turned out to be a vicious bugger), letting his wife's child swear at ds and thinking it's funny. i know its not the same thing at all but you do become protective. if ds's dad's wife had laughed at his fondness (for example, soft toys, think monkey from pg advert), i'd have probably wanted to rip her head off. it would be bugger all to do with her, and bugger all to do with my style of parenting. my ds is a very sensitive, laid back child who in 9 1/2 years ive seem tantrum twice, and get angry twice. my dd is a force to be reckoned with and more of a boy than her brother. they have both been treated the same.

I could be 'supermom' every fortnight
...
rather than 'ever so slightly worn, occasionally producing a naff meal, sometimes fun but mostly just tired mom'

It's hard

Oh, fgs. You sound SO smug.

Just reread the last line of your OP - why tf are you talking to your DSS's best friend about his mum in terms of "controlling bitch"?!

Message withdrawn

I'm both a step mum and a mum. It could be that she is anxious to ensure that her ds is happy when he is away which is a PERFECTLY NATURAL FEELING FOR A MOTHER TO HAVE. While as a step-mum I didn't worry when dsd went back to her mum's, I would feel very different about ds going somewhere. I tell our childminder lots of things about ds when I leave him on the days I work, it doesn't mean I don't think the CM can look after him!!

And, please just let him enjoy the bath bomb thing!!

Jesus if I had to let my beloved ds go and stay with my estranged partner and some woman who despised me, I would be a controlling bitch as well

Ruddy nora who said this makes you determined to work at your relationship with your partner? Too bloody right

actually, on reading that last long post (which i skimmed before) i scrap what i said.

his dad has more time to play with him than she does probably because she's bloody knackered.

they live out of packets? well so did my ds for a while. in fact he lived on chip shop meals for 3 months once because at the time i was working full time, decorating one house to move into whilst trying to maintain another.

she's doing a masters degree and so her time is filled up with that?

this is not a woman you should be slating. there are plenty worse mothers out there. walk a mile is all i can say.

its very easy to be a good parent when you see your child for one day a week.

My ultra heterosexual dh (ex fighter pilot to boot, how much more macho can a man be??? ) likes a bath bomb!

I will be the first to say that I view dsd's mum very, very differently since I have had ds!! Respect!!

and if i had a best friend like hers i doubt i would need enemies.

Blu, you can get it here , look under raw materials. They have some nice molds for children which I have got but not used as yet. I don't think the witch hazel is necessary, could just use water but could be wrong about that. And powdered milk is just the stuff from the supermarket.

I found the recipe and haven't made them so I apologise if they don't work. I personally would go a little easy on the amount of essential oils for children - either leave them unscented or use 1/4 - 1/2 a teaspoon.

"I could be 'supermom' every fortnight"
Excellent point, Troutpout.

Message withdrawn

quite right aimsmum, i agree.

You are probably right, the bath bomb is not the issue. But I resent being called judgemental is that you are doing to me? I do admire my dss's mum for doing her masters, she wants a better life for herself and her son which is great. As for the maintenance issue, we DO NOT resent paying this out, we know this our duty and that has never been questioned. Any major expenses for him, we also helped out.
I genuially do not mean to be judgemental and I would like to point out as I have ALREADY pointed out some of the things that I have mentioned were passed on to me by her best friend (who loves her to bits but thinks she's a bit barking at time) and her own mother! So are they being judegemental? I would also like to point out that she is so unconvinced that DH could be adequately look after her son that she has made it quite clear that if (God forbid) anything happen to her, she would ensure that her BF would take care of him and not his own father. Something that her friends & family have pointed out as ludicrous. This is not the jealous sm syndrome, I just get a p*ed off at times that she dictates to us excactly what he should be doing with us at the weekend. I just came on here to blow off a lot of steam and I'm sorry if I offended anyone.
I'm really not a bad person, as you all seem tyo be implying. I actually get on well with dss's dm most of the time, she just gets some nutty idea at time.
I realise it is hard being a single mum, and maybe it seems like I should put her feelings and my dss's first. But FFS I'm only human!

catbaby

in the nicest possible way

do you have kids of your own?

I do think that is relevant here

until you have that link with a child of your own it is very easy to see parents as being needlessly controlling. I know I did with friends, nuch to ny , pre kids!

Please forgive me if I am laughing my head off at this thread. Some of you ladies are being hugely judgemental in rushing to condemn someone else for being judgemental. The hypocrasy and self-righteousness is most amusing.....

oh and give him a bath bomb as a treat

oooh am going to print off recipe and make bath bombs for easter presents methinks

So she's a controlling bitch, but you don't think she's got the right to spend her own money on a holiday? Hmm.

TBH I'd be pretty pissed off if my DC's went off every two weeks to be pampered and spoilt, and then came back to normal life in a nightmarish mood (which I bet he does), because they're expected to get back into normal life. You criticise her parenting, but spending your time with her son treating him and allowing him to decide what the household does and ensuring that he has a good time, rather than just living, isn't parenting in my book, it's babysitting. There's a hell of a difference. So call me judgemental.

Also a word of caution. You don't mention whether you have children of your own, but it sounds as though you don't, because if you did, there is no way you could allow your dss to choose whatever he wanted to do with his contact weekends. You'd have to balance the needs of your other children and everyone else in the household. Long term, if you have children with your DP, your dss is in for a huge change in how he is treated. (IE: being just one child in the household instead of the pampered visitor.) If you want to ensure that that transition happens as smoothly as possible, I'd start now if I were you, and get on with your normal life as well as doing treat-y type stuff on contact weekends. That's not a snipe, it's well-intended advice.