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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu - 3 year old fell whilst alone in garden

77 replies

Za1ny · 21/05/2017 22:51

My 3 year old fell in her great grandmother's garden today. She was there unsupervised and has a huge bump and it's all grazed and looks awful. She's scraped her knees and was very upset about the whole thing saying that they (grandmother and whoever else was there) left her alone and shut the door because they were BUSY

WTF

I AM FUMING

Why the fuck ask to see my child if you can't fucking look after her. I am even angrier as my daughter was left alone and hurt as no one heard her and they shut the fucking door so she couldn't get back in.

I had a go at my ex but he wasn't there in the house at the time but he was making excuses.

She usually spends time with them on Sunday's, aibu if i stop contact (for a while) as I'm furious.

OP posts:

witsender · 22/05/2017 13:00

I would have no issue with a 3 year old playing unattended, mine often did. Door shut is a bit off.

VolunteerAsTribute · 22/05/2017 13:10

You're over-reacting massively.

I often shut the door when my children are playing outside. Keep the cold out etc.

aibu if i stop contact (for a while) as I'm furious.

Yes. Your emotions don't give you the right to dictate how and when her father sees her. Grow up. She isn't a pawn.

Oblomov17 · 22/05/2017 13:17

Both my ds's played unattended by aged 3. YABU.

Fl0ellafunbags · 22/05/2017 13:18

I'm sorry your daughter fell but if you take the word of a three year old without asking the adults who were present you're setting yourself up for being the parent who complains to the school every other day about some perceived injustice.

requestingsunshine · 22/05/2017 13:20

My 3 year old called the patio slabs bricks, so could it be possible your dd just fell over running on the patio? Have you actually seen the garden recently? By full of shit, what exactly do you mean? What you you SEEN in the garden that makes it unsafe? Get on the phone to the grandmother FGS and ask her what happened. What the hells wrong with just asking her?

Original poster

Za1ny · 22/05/2017 13:22

Closing a door on a 3 year old in an unsafe garden, is not acceptable in my eyes. If it was a flat garden with clear views into it that would be a different story, however, this is not the case.

As for stopping contact for the sake of it, my daughter's dad sees her often, we separated on good terms. I will keep her with me on Sundays when she usually goes to the ggmothers house.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 22/05/2017 13:23

I woulden't have a problem with her playing in the garden alone, I used to let me 3 year old's play in the garden on their own (no pond or pool, locked gate, locked shed), I would check on them regularly. what I would have a problem is, them locking her outside so she could not get it. That is neglect and abuse. For that, I would not allow my child alone in their care again.

joannegrady90 · 22/05/2017 13:26

OP no offence but you said this woman is your daughters great gran. So she must be old?

May I ask does she have any illnesses or ailments? Anything that would prevent her being able to take care of your daughter 100%?

Perhaps a grandparent or auntie may be better to supervise when she visits gran?

temporarilyjerry · 22/05/2017 13:42

Perhaps a grandparent or auntie may be better to supervise when she visits gran?
Or her dad?

joannegrady90 · 22/05/2017 13:43

Well yes!

Original poster

Za1ny · 22/05/2017 13:55

On Sunday's when with dad they go to great grans she is in her 70s and very physically able. On Sunday's everyone goes there for dinner and they have a house full of people.

Exs grandmother does not speak English so I cannot ring her and ask her anything and I'm not blaming her I'm wondering why mil wasn't supervising my daughter. Although I departed on good term with ex, I am not on speaking terms with her at the minute which is why I've not called her

OP posts:

Original poster

Za1ny · 22/05/2017 13:56

Lots of spelling mistakes in that posts lol not departed separated

OP posts:

BandeauSally · 22/05/2017 13:58

TBH it sounds like it would be a relay shame for your daughter to miss out on the big family Sunday lunches over a fall in the garden. Couldn't you just speak to your ex and say that she needs supervised while in the garden?

Morphene · 22/05/2017 14:02

nope, cannot imagine shutting a 3 yo out of the house to play on her own.

I wouldn't be sending my DD back into that.

Original poster

Za1ny · 22/05/2017 14:04

Yes I like sending my daughter there as it's nice for her to be around her extended family as she doesn't get to do that with my own family.

To reiterate, my issue is with them closing the door on her whilst she was playing.

Yes it happened ex hasn't denied it

He didn't say why they closed the door

OP posts:

DJBaggySmalls · 22/05/2017 14:08

Who leaves a 3yo out in the garden with the door shut? Are there any toxic plants in the garden that she could eat?

drspouse · 22/05/2017 14:16

she speaks properly and doesn't lie
So she never says she's a mermaid/dog/the teacher at preschool?

Of course 3 year olds say things that aren't true. And they misremember and make stuff up.

I cannot find where you have said that an adult said the door was shut and she couldn't open it. Or indeed whether she shut the door herself and they didn't realise. My nearly-3yo can't open some doors still but shuts them (sometimes in a fit of pique) and then gets upset she can't get back in we try not to laugh.

My 5yo and nearly 3-yo are allowed to play in the garden without an adult there, we watch them through the window (but couldn't prevent them from falling over any more than we could if they were a metre away in the park/in the same room) and the door is open. They might well shut the door on themselves if they thought they could then get away with some mischief - there are 2 windows looking on the garden from the ground floor and they were mighty surprised to find me looking at them through the second one after they thought I'd gone from the first one!

requestingsunshine · 22/05/2017 14:27

So there was a house full of people. You haven't asked your ex why they closed the door, and you have no ones version of events other than your 3 year olds? Plus you still are not telling us what is in the garden that isn't safe apart from 'shit'.

Perhaps ask one of the house full of people what happened or why the door was shut? Did someone shut it not realising she was still outside?

HerBluebiro · 22/05/2017 14:33

My 2 year old was playing in the garden with closed doors yesterday. I was watching her as I did the washing up.

Because if the door is open she tries to eat cat food. Only way to outside is through our utility where the cat's bowl is. Kitchen window was open. I was talking to her. But yes she was closed out. and as she can't reach the door effectively locked out.

She fell over. She does this. Bumped her face. It will heal. No lasting harm done. Hopefully has learnt to kick the football not try to balance on it. I don't hold my breath though

mirime · 22/05/2017 14:34

When I was in nursery the whole class used to be locked out unattended for breaks sometimes! That was 36 years ago though.

I don't let my (just) 4 year old out unattended in the garden, except for the odd minute while I go get the washing out or refill his water pistol etc. I would never shut the door while he was out there alone.

YANBU.

lizzyj4 · 22/05/2017 14:38

YANBU - A 3 year old shut out in the garden, not properly supervised, and in a garden full of 'shit' - do you literally mean dog shit or junk? Either way, it's neglectful and unsafe. I would start documenting everything that is happening now with a view to moving to supervised contact only if it doesn't improve.

In the meantime, I'd be making it clear to your ex that it's not acceptable for your daughter to be shut out in the garden. (I'm sure you've already done that. Does he think it is somehow ok?) And I'd want to find out how often it was happening, why and for how long she was being left.

NavyandWhite · 22/05/2017 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmberLin · 22/05/2017 14:42

I shut my 2.5 year old out, I can see him from inside though. I close the door to stop flies getting in. Our garden is pretty safe but he still falls and grazes himself constantly. He falls off his bike sometimes (always has a helmet on), hits himself on concrete. He is covered in scrapes and bruises. He's fine.

deugain · 22/05/2017 14:45

Sunday's everyone goes there for dinner and they have a house full of people ... I'm not blaming her I'm wondering why mil wasn't supervising my daughter

It sound like on of those occasions where everyone thinks they are all keeping an eye out but in reality no-one is. Closing door might have been someone assuming some else was out there or would keep an ear out rather than shoving out side and ignoring.

I'd ask a few questions see if you get reassuring answers otherwise leave it till she is a bit older and a bit more able to be less closely supervised.

milliemolliemou · 22/05/2017 14:49

So it was at great-grans, who is physically able and has lots of people round which you'd like to continue for your DC. DH's grandmother also there doesn't speak English but MIL can with whom you are not communicating. Can you not speak to great gran and ask what happened? And calmly explain that your 3 year old was frightened and injured - what might improve things so you both feel happy she can visit again? Take photos so they can see how hurt your daughter was? Or get your DH to step up to the plate?

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