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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - 3 year old fell whilst alone in garden

77 replies

Za1ny · 21/05/2017 22:51

My 3 year old fell in her great grandmother's garden today. She was there unsupervised and has a huge bump and it's all grazed and looks awful. She's scraped her knees and was very upset about the whole thing saying that they (grandmother and whoever else was there) left her alone and shut the door because they were BUSY

WTF

I AM FUMING

Why the fuck ask to see my child if you can't fucking look after her. I am even angrier as my daughter was left alone and hurt as no one heard her and they shut the fucking door so she couldn't get back in.

I had a go at my ex but he wasn't there in the house at the time but he was making excuses.

She usually spends time with them on Sunday's, aibu if i stop contact (for a while) as I'm furious.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 21/05/2017 23:50

I would be very pissed off about this. Who leaves a 3 year old in a garden with the door closed so she can't get back indoors? When mine were that age and in the garden I would always have kept an ear open for them... while allowing them to play in the garden without being under my constant supervision.

Original poster
Za1ny · 21/05/2017 23:55

Well obviously I have seen the garden but it doesn't mean that I see it everyday

What wasnt there last week, or even yesterday, could have been added today and vice versa.

Obviously.

OP posts:
Longtime · 21/05/2017 23:57

YANBU, I'd be pissed.

cordeliavorkosigan · 22/05/2017 00:02

Yanbu. Falling is one thing. Falling while unattended without access to adults in a garden not childproofed is another. Let the adults tell you what they thought happened but if you believe your dd then yes it doesn't sound like a good place for her to go.

nursy1 · 22/05/2017 00:05

I think she has had a nasty fall but It's ok for kids of that age to play in the garden without being closely supervised.
It's a bit weird if she was actually shut out if the house though - that might be her perception only. Did the door accidentally blow shut and she couldn't reach the handle or some such?

Unfortunate but YABU to stop her from going on this basis. Especially if she usually enjoys it.

BandeauSally · 22/05/2017 00:07

Well it's not obvious that you will have seen the garden, why would it be? Anyway in your shoes I would be speaking to great granny myself to find out what happened.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 22/05/2017 00:25

Sally. I don't think its the fact that her child fell over that's peeved op off. The child could have still fallen over even if there was 1million adults present. As we all know children fall a thousand times a bloody day
Its the fact that She was left unsupervised in a potentially dangerous place. Thank Goodness the garden did not have a pond.

BandeauSally · 22/05/2017 00:27

Yes which is why she needs to speak to granny and find out what actually happened. 3 year olds don't always have the full story.

BeepBeepMOVE · 22/05/2017 00:40

I think you need to speak to an adult.

Kids often play with doors, swinging them or on the handle. She could have shut the door herself accidentally and been unable to open it. If she's previously been told off she may not admit this.

Kids lie, pretty much all of them do. Not because they are bad just because thats what they do at this age.

PeaFaceMcgee · 22/05/2017 00:45

I think you need to speak to an adult

OP has said several times that she has.

Yanbu OP. Your daughter was deliberately shut out alone in the garden, like a dog. It's neglect.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/05/2017 00:49

YANBU OP, not at all.
Your DD's story has been confirmed, and it's really unpleasant - who shuts the door on a 3yo alone in a garden that's not safe? I wouldn't shut the door on my 4yo while he's out in the garden, and I know mine's relatively safe (can't account for spiders etc.) - but he'd be worried if he knew he couldn't get back in, even without hurting himself!

However, I don't think you are in a position to cut contact if it's your ex's mother - he has the right to take decisions on behalf of his DD as well when he has her. You can, of course, make strong representations about the reasonableness of him leaving your DD with this woman, but he doesn't HAVE to pay attention, unless it can be proven that she is neglectful and your DD would be in danger if she went there.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/05/2017 00:51

Sorry, ex's grandmother.

GreatFuckability · 22/05/2017 00:51

I wouldn't be taking the word of a 3 year old as gospel, she doesn't have to be lying to not have full possession of the facts. My dd when she was 3 told me she saw dinosaurs being born. which in her mind was true, what she was fake. obviously. the point is 3 year olds are not reliable witnesses.
Also, I'm not sure you can stop her dad taking her to see his gran, and I'm sure you are not suggesting she not see her dad.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 22/05/2017 00:53

I understand your upset OP and I'm not surprised you're fuming, but I do think YABU to stop contact.

I know you think your 3 year old wouldn't make up what she told you, I would have said the same about DS at that age. Except that he smashed in to the fully supervised dry playground at nursery because he was jumping in puddles whilst playing with the dinosaurs. That was a trip to hospital and we never did find out exactly what happened.

The door being shut is probably a bit of a red herring in this situation, many doors close themselves (often quite slowly) and could well have been accidental.

Accidents do happen unfortunately, and while I doubt her GM was blameless, I do think stopping contact is OTT.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 22/05/2017 00:57

I'd be most livid about the fact. That they shut the door on her because They were 'busy'. Busy doing what not looking after their GC, obviously.

corythatwas · 22/05/2017 00:58

Agree that you would want to get the full story from the other side as well. An upset 3yo can easily elaborate a story without meaning to. Still remember my dn claiming that the cat had scratched her, when it was quite clear that the cat would not have been physically able to do so: it turned out in the end that the cat had looked at her.

Atenco · 22/05/2017 01:07

I believe what my daughter says as although she is 3 she speaks properly and doesn't lie

My four-year-old told me that my mother virtually beat her up. I found a witness who explained what happened, which had in fact been a slight tap. Children that age have imagination and feelings and are not able to give a perfect account of an event, it is not lying as such.

For all you know the wind blew the door shut. To a hurt three-year-old, it would have felt like they shut the door on purpose.

BandeauSally · 22/05/2017 01:07

I had a giggle yesterday when I heard my neighbours child scream and wail that their dog had bitten her. The dog (around 10 inches tall) was laying on the grass while the child was on the trampoline (one of those massive ones standing about 2 feet off the ground with netting round it). Neighbour chastised child for telling lies as it was very obvious the dog was nowhere near her. Kids tell lies, especially when they think their mum won't be able to find out the truth.

hellomoon · 22/05/2017 01:23

I can't believe some of the responses on this thread.

OP's daughter has a large swelling from a fall.
Ex has confirmed the child's account that she was left alone
OP has seen for herself that the garden is unsafe.
Child has expressed upset that she couldn't get back in after hurting herself

OP, in those circumstances I wouldn't care if I was being unreasonable it the eyes of others or not,,,, my child would not be going back there until I was convinced she was being adequately cared for.

Iris40 · 22/05/2017 01:26

It is awfull when your child has an injury that you have not witnessed yourself, but a 3 year old does not have the facts of any situation..they only see it through their own little minds, my 4 year old g/s told his mum I made him stay indoors all day to clean my house! in reality I thought it would be fun for him to spend 10 minutes washing a few cups in the sink lol speak to the Adults concerned and get their version of events, hopefully you will resolve the issues without stopping contact, good luck.

Lynnm63 · 22/05/2017 01:35

Your dd obviously did fall and was probably alone but you don't know she was locked out. Maybe she was playing, gm went in to answer phone, have a wee etc door closed accidentally. Your dd wouldn't have lied but that's a less worrying scenario. Until you ask the adult present you have no more idea than I do.
As for kids not lying one of mine drew a picture for school. Mum, dad, siblings, dog, family car. No sign of dd, teacher asked where she was "in the boot of the car" she told the teacher. That was an interesting conversation at home time. She'd never been put in the boot even as a joke. I have no idea where she got that from.

Atenco · 22/05/2017 02:48

As for kids not lying one of mine drew a picture for school. Mum, dad, siblings, dog, family car. No sign of dd, teacher asked where she was "in the boot of the car" she told the teacher

Grin
thecatsarecrazy · 22/05/2017 07:01

I would be annoyed too. My children were older at the time but I was at my mil once and she shut my children outside while her and dh both sat on laptops either end of the room. I went out to keep an eye on them and they were picking up dog poo. I wondered if that's what they always get up to

BeepBeepMOVE · 22/05/2017 07:09

OP has said several times that she has.

No she hasn't. She has said once that ex confirmed she was in garden alone. Not that they shut her out because they were busy. They could have run in to answer phone of get a drink. A 3 yr old should be okay in a secure garden for a few minutes. We don't know how long child was left or why or anything about the door.

CheshireChat · 22/05/2017 12:57

Sorry, but it really sounds like you just want an excuse to stop contact, you may have reasons for this, however if it's a one off you'd be U to do so.

It really depends how long she was left on her own etc.- my slightly younger DS scrapped his head badly a couple of days ago, I was down the hallway. I managed to break my nose falling next to my mother and her friend.

Talk to your ex, reinforce the idea she needs closer supervision and go from there.