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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fussy DH and food!!

35 replies

Littlemissamy · 21/05/2017 21:19

Posting on here for traffic really.
So my DH is the fussiest person around when it comes to food. He will eat the following - burgers, sausages, frozen chicken chargrills but NOT roast chicken as its "too dry", pizza, kebab, mashed potato and chips but no other variation of potato. And that's pretty much it.
No veg, no roast dinners, nothing remotely fancy exciting. And it's killing me.
My DS (3) eats really well and I'm more than a little worried he's going to pick up on this fussy nonsense.
I need some help, how can I get him to have a better diet? He's quite overweight and seems to think an hour of excercise once a week will help him lose weight, he's openly ashamed of his weight. I've told him if he wants to shift some pounds then he needs to address his diet. It makes no difference to me if he doesn't lose weight.
I'm getting increasingly frustrated by us either eating separate meals or crap meals together.
I've tried sneaking some veg into his food but then he accuses me of treating him like a child. Which is fair, but I'm at a loss of how to help him expand his very limited list of acceptable foods. I don't want to be stuck in a life of fatty crap food, I don't want DS growing up and thinking this diet is acceptable, because it's not. Not in terms of health and not socially either. We don't go for meals with friends because he won't eat anything off the menu.
I don't really know what I'm asking you all, maybe I just needed to vent this out. I'm fed up of my only healthy meal being chicken. I hate cooking separate meals. I feel it's setting a precedent for DS to say "I don't want this, I want something else" and him expecting me to do it. I don't want him to think it's ok to eat pizza every day.
Someone please help me with half decent meals, I'm so bored of the same few dinners!
And I know some will say just let him fend for himself, I'd let that be the case if it wasn't for the fact that it ends up with twice the washing up for 2 different meals, it's too stressful timing everything to be done together, and it's important to me that we all sit and eat together. Is the unreasonable in itself?

OP posts:

EggysMom · 21/05/2017 21:27

My DH is a non-veg eater - he'll have tinned processed peas or tinned carrots, but that's it. Something in his childhood put him off genuine vegetables. He won't eat potato peel for the same reason, so no baked potatoes or skin-on wedges.

I accommodate him by working round his eating, I'll buy myself vegetables and cook them for me & our son. I can live with only having baked potatoes when he's not here, wedges when we are out etc.

Fortunately he does eat fruit - I have no idea why fruit is different in his head, but it is! And as he does most of our cooking, I will put up with repetitive meals made to his particular "style" because it saves me cooking!

VladmirsPoutine · 21/05/2017 21:37

He is an adult. What does he say to you when you express this?
You clearly didn't meet him yesterday.
What is his response to this?

Original poster

Littlemissamy · 21/05/2017 21:40

I think a lot of it is because his parents like to cook everything to death. We went for dinner last week and had chicken and beef. No wonder he says he doesn't like it, I could barely eat it, but no matter how many times o tell him that if it's not overcooked it's completely different, he won't even try it. Same with vegetables, they eat them boiled into mush. So I sort of understand it, what I don't understand is the unwillingness to try anything new. Obviously when we go round they cook him something completely different to the rest of the family - pizza in the latest instance. So my 3yo then kicks up a fuss because he wants pizza too, not the actual meal in front of him!

OP posts:

Original poster

Littlemissamy · 21/05/2017 21:41

Vladmirs he just says he won't try anything else. Which is fine, it just frustrates me that's all.

OP posts:

PaperdollCartoon · 21/05/2017 21:43

Does he feel anxious trying new foods?

Lu1a · 21/05/2017 21:49

Could you try something like a reward chart? Maybe not an actual chart, but something like, "If you eat this brocolli, I will promise you x,y or z".

Enlist your son to shame him into eating a variety of foods - "Look dad, if I can eat it, so can you".

I have the other extreme OP in that DH is invariably into clean eating / high protein / no carbs / whatever eating habits and expects me to cater to all that. At least I get the benefit of the body results , but it's hard work nevertheless.

Tell him he needs to take you out for dinner once a week for a date and choose say, a Japanese restaurant. Act very insulted if he won't try anything.

If all else fails, go online and find some unhealthy eating scare documentary. Tell him vegetables and better quality eating could add 10 years to his life.

Huldra · 21/05/2017 21:51

To be honest I think you should let him fend for himself for most of the week, then maybe Saturday could be pizza etc.

By fending for himself he cooks it, does the timing, eats at a different time and clears it up. It should't involve any extra work for you.

If you get invited out then go, he doesn't need to go along with you.

Huldra · 21/05/2017 21:53

Most of the food he eats sounds like it a simple matter of taking it out of the freezer and chucking it on an oven tray. It would take a couple of minutes for him to do that and wash the tray up.

Seryph · 21/05/2017 21:59

If I were you I would just cook proper food and tell him that is dinner he can eat it or go hungry. Throw the crap out.
Tell him he is overweight and setting a horrible example to your son, if he is actually bothered by his weight then ask him if he wants your DS to end up like him?

I really just won't put up with it.

pointythings · 21/05/2017 22:03

My DH is like this - was a very fussy eater as a child, then became quite adventurous and is now back to being fussy and only eating unhealthy crap. Fortunately our DDs are teens and they understand healthy eating and like a range of foods. So I have stopped considering him when cooking. We both work full time, I am not going to pander to him, especially when his tastes are so unhealthy. DDs and I eat healthy nutritious meals, lots of veg, all cooked from scratch. DH is a grown man, he knows the consequences of his bad habits.

MiddlingMum · 21/05/2017 22:05

He's an adult. You don't need to sort out his food for him. Ok, it would be nice to sit down to the same meals but that isn't going to work if he won't try things.

Cook nice food for you and your DS. Leave your DH to buy/prepare/eat his own food. However, he is being selfish if he's very overweight and not doing anything about it. What if he becomes ill/has a heart attack?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 21/05/2017 22:13

Why would you have more washing up because he cooked his own dinner? He would clear everything up, no?

Blup · 21/05/2017 22:13

DH was like this when we got married. He comes from a family of fussy eaters - his mum will often cook 4 different meals for 6 people when he and his siblings go for dinner.

He had no allergies, food issues or anything - just a plain refusal to try anything new. It drove me nuts.

However, a few times at my mum's he was too polite to refuse something, and discovered he liked it. This added new foods to his diet, and after a few times, made him realise that he might like more foods than he realised.

He now eats most things. So it is possible, as long as there are no underlying issues (obviously different if he has food sensory issues or something).

Northernparent68 · 21/05/2017 22:28

lu1a, your suggestions are appallingly manipulative, getting a child to shame his father could seriously damage their relationship. How would you feel if your partner got your children to shame you

YouMayVeryWellThinkThat · 21/05/2017 22:35

I would just cook normal food for you and your ds and let him deal with his own food. You can't control what another adult eats. As for eating together, if he's having a pizza for example, surely he can just stick it one in the oven 20 mins (or however long pizza takes) before your food is due to be ready so you can all eat together?

Tbf my dp was a fussy eater in the past so I understand your frustration. Though he was nowhere near as bad and he tried my cooking a few times and realised he didn't hate vegetables (just ones that have been boiled to death).

AHobbyaweek · 21/05/2017 22:45

My DH was extremely fussy when I first met him (12 years ago) I have slowly worked on him but he is still fussy with veg. He will only eat sweetcorn and Carrots. I admit I do hide a lot of veg but what has worked the best is getting the meal boxes. For me it is a godsend to not meal plan and I make him pick four meals out of the list that he wants to try and it has meant he has tried so many new meals. Also saves us money in the supermarket and me time and effort.

I use guosto as they have the best choice. Happy to give you a voucher code for a cheap box.

VladmirsPoutine · 21/05/2017 22:46

I mean honestly; You are not his mother. This sort of thing boils my piss. It's not your duty in life to look after a capable adult man. You shouldn't have to trick or goad him into it. This is just fucked up. If he won't eat what you and your son eat then leave him to it. You're not his mother and he is not a toddler.

FrenchMartiniTime · 21/05/2017 22:47

I do find it odd that all these fussy eaters are some how still able to eat junk!

VladmirsPoutine · 21/05/2017 22:47

All these women gleefully tricking their husbands into eating veg and feeling proud of themselves for doing so are rather pathetic.

MacarenaFerreiro · 21/05/2017 22:53

Tell him to fucking grow up and stop acting like a toddler. Do not indulge his fussiness, can't really believe you've put up with it this long?

Have to say that I wouldn't ever get to the stage of moving in with someone like this, let alone having a baby and marrying them. Cooking, food and eating is really important to me. Couldn't be with someone who turns their nose up at decent food and lives of processed crap. Do you never go out for meals? What about your wedding - did he send out for Burger King?

steff13 · 21/05/2017 22:53

I do find it odd that all these fussy eaters are some how still able to eat junk!

That's is always the way, isn't it? You don't hear about fussy people only eating salad and cruciferous vegetables.

annandale · 21/05/2017 22:56

I was told by my xh's parents on our wedding day that it was now my job to look after his health and get him to eathe better food.

Funky that. What Vladimir says. Encourage him by all means but focus on your own diet and your son.

annandale · 21/05/2017 22:57

Funky that?? Fuck that!

MacarenaFerreiro · 21/05/2017 22:58

I do find it odd that all these fussy eaters are some how still able to eat junk!

Agreed - never a "oh it's such a nightmare, my DH will only eat avocado, kale, apples and salmon!" They seem to manage to shovel chips, sausages and burgers down their fussy throats which constrict at the mere thought of something green.

Foggymist · 21/05/2017 22:58

Totally with Macarena on this. He says you treat him like a child sneaking in veg? He's acting like a child being so immature and fussy. Actually my toddler wouldn't do that, he eats everything so it's not even a child he's acting like, just a pathetic grown up.

If he won't help himself I certainly wouldn't be preparing or cleaning up after his food, and tbh I'd probably tell ds that daddy is the one eating the boring crappy stuff, not you and ds, and that he's not getting it because he has a good dinner and that's that.

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