To be shocked my 5YO was told she looked fat

[Elsasalterego]

She is only in reception. They were at a party and spinning around in their party dresses and another child told her she "looks fat when she does a twirl". She has a pot belly on her but she is actually tall and slim and long limbed apart from that. The other child is six months older and the youngest of four with older sisters. Should I be mentioning it to the mother? I see a lot of the mother as my daughter and hers are 'best friends'. She's quite approachable but my husband doesn't think I should mention it. WWYD?

Did she not just mean when her dress billowed out that it made her look like that was her shape?

It is horrible that this has to happen. But I don't think you can control the outside world. You need to make your child feel ok, and just explain that people's bodies are different at 5 from 15 etc..and that the other child has older sisters who are making her say more grown up things, and that your daughter is perfect (sorry all a bit bland - sure you can do better).

And you probably feel worse about it than your daughter.

Perhaps you should look at your child's diet instead.

Yes, and maybe she does just mean that the dress filled up with air

Speak to the child's mother?? Why? What for?

How ridiculous

I think I'd mention it to the teacher to quietly keep an eye on it without naming names. It's so worrying that kids of that age are worried about fat already

I'd let it go. they are 5 year olds.

as long as she is really in proportion (I know a fair few parents who think their actually overweight DC are slim), I wouldn't bother about it.

It may seem small and you don't want to embarrass / upset your daughter understandably.
How did she react to it? If she is not bothered, I'd let it lie at the moment. I would say something if it happens again and whatever the age of the child, it's not exactly a nice thing to say to another child.

I wouldn't say anything for now but just keep your ear out for if she says it again, or starts making a habit of it and if so then you'll have to tackle it

And Vodka, perhaps you should shut up!

I don't think it's ridiculous to consider talking to the mother. I also don't think it's appropriate to put a 5 year old on a diet.

for both of you.

Again i would imagine it was because the dress billowed out. But it seems youre weight sensitive. Are you overweight? Youve already said your daughter has a pot belly, so she is too. Have a critical look at the food portions on your plates today. include snacks.

Why would you speak to the mother about this?

I think MySweetAudrina is right - and that is exactly what I would have thought. they were spinning in their party dresses a dress flaring out and twirling round does make you look 'fat' (5yr olds don;t have the vocab to pick a more precise word)
The little girl probably meant nothing more than this - to tell her mother and make a huge deal out of it would be mean.

Obviously if she says it any more or says things like 'you've got a fat tummy' or something you could have a word with the teacher.

But young children don't necessarily put the same negative connotations on words that adults do - they tend to observe and speak as they see. And she saw your DD's twirling dress making her look bigger than usual.

Kids say all sorts of random shit at that age. Just forget it - don’t speak to the mum of the other child.

Ah yes, this sounds familiar. It because being "fat" is the ultimate, but acceptable, insult - and our kids know it. Its a bit like boys calling each other "gay", its just a tool in the bullying box. Tell your daughter she is not fat but even if she was its rude to comment on how other people look. I would only be approaching the mother (or teacher if they are at school together) if this became regular bullying, but sounds like it was just a one off thoughtless/spiteful comment. Oh and I agree with putting "best friends" in quotation marks - you'll probably find the other girl turns out to be the worst little madam in the class.

I remember my ballet teacher saying 45 years ago that all little girls have 'tummies' - this was in a class of 6 year olds. I was really slim as a child.

As the child is slim overall why should she diet FFS?

I imagine it was just an observation to the puffed out skirt and twirling. Don't mention it.

I'm 23 and when I was her age that was the insult of choice. I was horribly bullied for being fat, for being 8 inches taller than even the tallest kids in my class. For being uncoordinated...anything different got picked on. In this situation it's possible as others have said that it was referring to the shape of the dress, but in my situation it was genuinely because I was a bit chunky (doesn't excuse their behaviour at all!).

Also, people who are not overweight arent constantly on diets. Nobody has suggested putting the child on a diet. Just make sure youre not over feeding her, or yourself. Ive never been above a size 10 in my life. Ive never been on a diet either. Having healthy eating habits is learned, but it doesnt mean im on a diet.

Looks fat when she does a twirl

The child just meant when the dress billowed out.
That's what I'd think.

The child (who is only 5yrs old by the way - so maybe lay off throwing insults like 'worst little madam' and ' bullying' her way when she may have made a totally innocent remark) said 'you look fat when you do a twirl - not you look fat or You've got a big belly - how would she have seen the pot belly under a dress unless it was very tight fitting (which would rule out twirling)?

Don't go in all guns blazing - just keep an eye.

Many little girls (and boys) have a pot belly- it is normal and common - she is just reaching the age when she will gradually start to lose it.

Young children do not have the concept / ability to pull their stomach muscles in . Hence the typical stick arms / stick legs / round tummy shape that imo is adorable on kids.

OP.. you're not BU.. daughters friend poss has more focus on shape than she should if she has older siblings.

I'd Keep an ear out for any nasty comments but otherwise let it go..