To be shocked my 5YO was told she looked fat

[Elsasalterego]

She is only in reception. They were at a party and spinning around in their party dresses and another child told her she "looks fat when she does a twirl". She has a pot belly on her but she is actually tall and slim and long limbed apart from that. The other child is six months older and the youngest of four with older sisters. Should I be mentioning it to the mother? I see a lot of the mother as my daughter and hers are 'best friends'. She's quite approachable but my husband doesn't think I should mention it. WWYD?

You can't control the outside world, and speaking with the mother isn't going to stop something negative being said in the future by someone else, so I don't think you should say anything.

Young children don't have flat tummies because their internal organs have to be larger in proportion to the rest of their bodies in order to work properly.

A pot belly is a healthy shape for a small child.

I wouldn't say anything to anyone. Fat doesn't necessarily mean overweight to a five year old. If it comes up again or your DD gets upset, have a quick word with the teacher.

She might have not known about the negative connotations, either it was a reference to the dress or she was saying it as she saw it. She didn't say your dd looked fat when she wasn't twirling? I would not mention it, just say to your dd that it's rude to point out things about people like big ears or fat or whatever, so she knows you disapprove of this other girls choice of word.

If the other girl was pointing out your dd when she wasnt twirling then I might mention it to the teacher so she could have a general chat about name-calling, but if you make too big a thing if it you might actually inadvertently make your dd think too hard about whether she's fat when it isn't even true, it was a just a bad choice of word.

I agree to keep an eye out. And also agree it's more than likely that the girl meant that when your DD was twirling and air was making her dress billow out, that she looks fat. The majority of five year olds have little idea how to phrase things tactfully or express themselves very accurately when trying to describe something like this.

My DD had a little sticky out stomach which was more pronounced as her lower back really curves in making her stomach stick out more. She wasn't at all fat but the lordosis in her back made for a sticky out belly. Five year olds point out every little thing they notice down to an elastopast on a finger. At this stage I'd not be too concerned.

Did she not just mean when her dress billowed out that it made her look like that was her shape?

This is exactly how I would have interpreted it.
We all know what a fat body looks like, including five year olds. Your daughter's dress had filled with air as she twirled, so it made her look rounder, i.e as if she was fat.

My daughter is 5 and has started saying "fat" but she doesn't really no what it means or when it's appropriate to use it.
Also in the movie Trolls one character calls another "phat" as a compliment which has added to the confusion no end

let it go kids mouths have no filter .you said she has a pot belly in your post ,so this kid spoke as they saw . if you mention might become an issue would,t risk it kids at that age tend to have growth spurts my 2 used to put a bit of weight on then shoot up height wise
only mention if constant and bullying her

I am 100 per cent sure that she meant when you do a twirl, your dress fills up with air, and it makes you look fat. The child is five or six, she does not have the vocab to frame what is to her an interesting and funny phenomenon in other language. My children would be likely to say something like that, and if someone said it them their likely response would be "ha ha ha yes it does, now you try it!"

Oh CHRIST don't put a child/weight thread on AIBU.

You'll get a stampede of body-dysmorphic freaks who will diagnose your daughter with obesity within minutes.

Couldn't agree more TheStoic. Young girls are supposed to have rounded tummies ffs. Whatever you do Op, do not encourage your DD to pay any attention whatsoever to this comment. Brush it off, move on and let her be a 5 year old.

I wouldn't say anything this time but if it happened a few times I'd probably approach the mum and explain that you're concerned that her DD keeps making fat comments to DD and you wonder if her daughter has some underlaying anxiety about her own weight.

I would also have interpreted it as when she twirls the dress billows. And literally, a billowing dress would make Pippa Middleton look fat.
Looking fat isn't the same as being fat.

Absolutely over the top to even think of speaking to the mother (though am curious to know why the size of the other child's family is in any way relevant?)

To say to the mother what squished strawberry is suggesting, frankly, would make you look batshit.

Perhaps you should look at your child's diet instead.

Because a 5.5yr old told another tall and slim 5yo she looked fat?

Dont be ridiculous.

In fairness, that's the only twatty comment on the thread.

More ridiculous are the hysterical comments that the child who said it must have an eating disorder...

OP. I'd ignore it, and teach your child to ignore it too. If you really think your DCs weight is okay and I'm sure at the age of 5 you'd have been told otherwise at the health checks.

If sounds like the kid just meant it as her dress billowed out but just teach your child enough confidence to not let comments like this get to her. Trust me, children in the playground are a lot meaner than this. Time to build the thick skin now.

The only time I have ever done a Katie Hopkins eyebrow raise at another childs weight was when a new kid started at DCs last school. Poor thing was that overweight they struggled to even walk up the path. I've seen the kid and parents since and they're now a healthy weight.

Surely the 'When you twirl' is the key here. When your dress billows up you look fat.

Most kids that age still don't see fat as a value judgement. No different to tall, short or anything else.

Perhaps you should look at your child's diet instead

I actually agree with this, I find it really upsetting when I see an overweight child, you can only put it down to the parents.

I actually agree with this, I find it really upsetting when I see an overweight child, you can only put it down to the parents.

The comment came from a 5.5yr old. Not a health professional.

Reviewing your DCs diet because of something a CHILD said is nothing short of ludicrous.

My DS told me I looked 90 the other day, I didn't rush out and buy some oil of ulay.

You'll get a stampede of body-dysmorphic freaks who will diagnose your daughter with obesity within minutes.

It appears you're right TheStoic. You dont happen to have next weeks lottery numbers do you?

Worrying about throw-away comment from one 5yo to another...

Funny how now that most of us truly are fat, actually suggesting fatness becomes a comment worthy of complaint to another parent.

Yes a 5 year old won't be able to reliably gage who's fat and whose underweight

Thanks for all the replies- v helpful - I will not mention it to the mother. I hadn't thought that it might have been the skirt billowing up so pleased to have it pointed out to me. The main reason I would have mentioned it to the mother would be to alert her that her daughter is making inappropriate sizist comments (prob picked up from older sisters). She and the rest of her family are, by the way, very slim by nature.

Super interested about the assumptions that I should take a look at my DD's diet though - I made it clear she is tall and slim- yes she has a pot belly - but as has been pointed out, kids' internal organs can grow at different rates to the rest of their bodies so that's why a pot belly is so common. I'm not worried about her weight (and coincidentally in reception class in the U.K. they do a weight/height check and she came in healthy normal range). I have no concerns over her diet or her weight for that matter.

I think I'd mention it to the teacher to quietly keep an eye on it without naming names

Why on Earth would you mention it to the teacher when it happened at a birthday party?