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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU if I used the disabled loos for DD1 who possibly has ASD but is undiagnosed

45 replies

SleepWhatSleep1 · 20/05/2017 17:36

... just because of the hand dryers in the normal loos.

It's such a nightmare - she panics, wont pull down her pants because she has to cover her ears just in case the hand dryers go off, and puts off going to the loo so long she will have an accident. I have had to get very cross/forceful at times to get her in.

Shes nearly 6.

We started the diagnosis process but as school have been so brilliant with her (put her in a social skills class, use visual clues/unambiguous language etc) that we didn't see the need right now. She came up as mildly affected each time she had a screening test done by us/preschool/HV.

So... I have on occasion used a disabled loo when its also been the baby change room as I always also have baby ds with me, and dd2 (3) plus buggy and change a nappy as well while we are there to justify it. But I feel guilty really.

WIBU to use a disabled loo if it was just me and dd1?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 20/05/2017 17:38

No, of course not.

PragmaticWench · 20/05/2017 17:40

I think it's reasonable.

Stickerrocks · 20/05/2017 17:40

Are there disabled toilet police standing around to judge you and, even if there are, why should you care? You need to use the toilet, so stop agonising over it.

Arkhamasylum · 20/05/2017 17:41

I think it's fine. It's not like anyone seeing you go in or come out has a right to see a written diagnosis anyway. It's to avoid your daughter panicking, not just because you can't be arsed queuing for the other loos.

Original poster
SleepWhatSleep1 · 20/05/2017 17:44

Yes I do feel there are disabled loo police! People judge....

OP posts:
Stickerrocks · 20/05/2017 17:49

...but you have a perfectly valid reason to be in there.

Branleuse · 20/05/2017 17:50

yanbu

HelloClouds · 20/05/2017 17:52

YANBU. I always take my 13 year old ASD son into the disabled loo if there is one. He's a bit too old to come with me into the ladies and I couldn't let him go in the men's loo alone! In fact I saw a sign on a disabled loo the other day that said "Not all disabilities are visible", which I thought was a reminder to people not to judge.

user76895432 · 20/05/2017 17:56

It's fine. Use of disabled loos isn't restricted to blue badge holders. They are for anyone who needs them. I have IBS and although I don't consider myself disabled, I have used them on occasion when I've been having a flare up and had an urgent need to use the toilet.

As previous poster says, not all disabilities are visible.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 20/05/2017 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 20/05/2017 17:59

Her disability means she can't access "normal" toilets so yes you are right to use them.

MrsJayy · 20/05/2017 18:00

Disabled people don't have a badge or anything your Dd obviously needs the toilets use the toilets maybe do so handdryer practise when you are in

Enidblyton1 · 20/05/2017 18:01

Absolutely fine. I used to take my DD3 to the disabled loos because she had a phobia of hand dryers.

Auit · 20/05/2017 18:01

Forget about busy bodies, do whats best for your DD :)

ProudAS · 20/05/2017 18:02

I think all disabled loos should have those signs Clouds

MrsJayy · 20/05/2017 18:02

Oh I saw a not all disabilities are visible sign last week at an airport

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 20/05/2017 18:02

Two of these disabled toilet threads in two days? Wow.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 20/05/2017 18:04

Fwiw the thread always starts with 'yes it's fine' and then changes to 'no no no no no'

pheebo · 20/05/2017 18:05

I used to have to do it for my DD when she was just turned two - we were in McDonald's once and some awful teenagers not only set the hand dryer off above her head when she cried and screamed they did it again and laughed at her!
I physically could not get her to go in a toilet where there was a hand dryer being used so had no choice than to use disabled loos until she got over it
And she has no SN at all she was simply too young for me to explain it to.

Original poster
SleepWhatSleep1 · 20/05/2017 18:07

I always thought they were just for blue badge holders! Well I've learned something today :)

There's this one place we go to a lot which is popular with the older generation, and is very disabled accessible - and I've had a few "looks" when going in to the disabled loos there - although I've never gone in before anyone else iyswim? I've never knowingly made anyone wait.

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepWhatSleep1 · 20/05/2017 18:08

Livia - I said the title of the other thread (but didn't actually read it sorry) which sort of prompted me to write this one as I've been pondering it for a while.

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepWhatSleep1 · 20/05/2017 18:09

*saw

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/05/2017 18:10

Even when ds isn't in his wheelchair he can't use the ladies toilets with me because his hand dryer phobia is such that he will freeze - and then if pushed meltdown - before even getting to the door.

Even when we go into a disabled toilet the first thing he does is look for the drier and makes sure we don't go near and set it off (which in itself is a challenge in some places!)

When I go into the ladies alone I never use the hand drier now!

stitchglitched · 20/05/2017 18:11

I take my DS with ASD into the disabled loos. He needs assistance and regular cubicles are too small. No one has ever said anything to us.

Original poster
SleepWhatSleep1 · 20/05/2017 18:11

Sirzy - yes dd checks as well and I've also stopped using the hand dryers myself :)

OP posts: