WIBU if I used the disabled loos for DD1 who possibly has ASD but is undiagnosed

[SleepWhatSleep1]

... just because of the hand dryers in the normal loos.

It's such a nightmare - she panics, wont pull down her pants because she has to cover her ears just in case the hand dryers go off, and puts off going to the loo so long she will have an accident. I have had to get very cross/forceful at times to get her in.

Shes nearly 6.

We started the diagnosis process but as school have been so brilliant with her (put her in a social skills class, use visual clues/unambiguous language etc) that we didn't see the need right now. She came up as mildly affected each time she had a screening test done by us/preschool/HV.

So... I have on occasion used a disabled loo when its also been the baby change room as I always also have baby ds with me, and dd2 (3) plus buggy and change a nappy as well while we are there to justify it. But I feel guilty really.

WIBU to use a disabled loo if it was just me and dd1?

There is a lot of money for whoever manages to invent a silent hand dryer

Why don't they just provide paper towels?

Those dyson airblade ones are the worst

They are accessible toilets so that people who need more space can use a toilet.

There is a MN 'thing' about them only being for people with disabilities but they are often also where the baby changing facilities are so there is no reason to suppose that they are intended for the sole use of people with diagnosed disabilities.

If you feel the need to use an accessible toilet to keep your child safe or reduce her distress, just do it. If anyone challenges you, just tell them you are happy with your own decision to use it and walk away. Don't worry about 'looks'. Nobody is in a position to judge unless you give them all of the relevant information and I sure as hell wouldn't do that.

I've been judged for using accessible toilets too but, whilst I am party to information that those people aren't, I know that their opinion is not relevant.

Yanbu also I would carry on with the asd assessment it takes a long time and school may not always be able to meet your dd needs.

Absolutely not unreasonable. And you are a bit right. People do judge. People were being really shit to my ten year old sat on a disabled seat on the bus. Doesn't matter he has a disabled bus pass and mobility issues they judge like fuck because there is a thing called The Disability Police.

Those dyson dryers could blow your bloody hands off.

I hate when disabilities are assumed to be obvious.
I was on a train with DS today, he sat in the seat next to the loo that's labelled as being prioritised for the disabled or elderly.
We got so many filthy looks and grumbles from people and to be fair, DS looks like a teen aged that's lounging in a seat not meant for him but if they'd asked rather than loaning they'd have learnt that he'd been discharged from hospital today after 3 weeks and has just had surgery on his chest which is now sporting several dressed wounds and he's very swollen and sore, he also actually has a life limiting and shortening health issue that's invisible.
Instead they judged.

There is a MN 'thing' about them only being for people with disabilities but they are often also where the baby changing facilities are so there is no reason to suppose that they are intended for the sole use of people with diagnosed disabilities.

Yes. There's the seemingly common view that disabled loos are absolutely sacrosanct to the extent that when someone tried to argue that if a disabled loo were free and there was a long line outside the ladies, that it was reasonable to nip into the loo with 2 yo that was busting for a pee and with not trusted to hold it in, she was berated for being disablist!

Argue a few months back...

I have used disabled loos with DC1 for exactly same reason including before diagnosis. I think it's ok. If anyone questioned it I would just say that they have ASD. But no one has questioned it.

YANBU. I used to have to go in first and turn the dryers off at the wall for DS to go in the normal loos. He has grown out of it, but those couple of years were a nightmare, and we did use the disabled toilets on more than one occasion.

I would definitely always use the disabled toilets if possible. Also I can really recommend carrying a set of child's noise cancelling headphones around in your bag, they are really great to block out the outside world when DC are getting overwhelmed.

My son was like this when he was younger. He got himself in such a state over hand dryers that he would say he didn't need to go when he clearly did and would cry and cry if we tried to make him go to the toilet

I used to take him in disabled but even then i had to pretend to 'turn off' the hand dryer before he would go in.

If it's any consolation he is better now and though he won't use them and is still scared of the really loud dyson type ones he is much much better and will go in normal public toilets.

When the disabled loo is occupied or locked I used to go in the normal loos with DC, putting my hands over ears to block the handrier noise whist they do their wee. She's now slowly getting more used to going in and out of the normal loos and dealing with it herself.

Try to ignore the people who judge, there are silly. If you need to use the disabled toilet, go right ahead and use it.

I use the disabled loos for DS (7 years) because he has little control over his bowels. And it's easier and more dignified for me to clean him up in larger spaces.

I've exited the loo to a security guard standing there when an elderly women went to complain when she see us enter! I gave him and her a piece of my mind. People judge all the time if they 'look' healthy. YANBU

I think yanbu. If questioned, I wouldn't say any more than "my daughter has special needs". My DS hates hand dryers but he's 2 so I think it's tough luck, there are all manner of things he doesn't like that provoke some short term tears. At 6 it's out of the ordinary.

Dd2(3) also doesn't like hans dryers - but for her it's a different intensity. She cries and is getting used to them. With dd1 it is sheer panic and there is absolutely no getting through to her and it will be all we hear about for the next few hours.

We did get her some headphones, but she's completely oblivious to danger, and with 2 other children to watch out for (all going in different directions obviously) I just can't guarantee her safety with them, unless I put her on a blooming extending lead. Which I did consider. She also kept wanting to use them all the time, and school advised that that wasn't good.

Perfectly reasonable