To find cliques intimidating and/or annoying?

[malificent7]

My dd is in a clique. It is annoying as they are so conformist in what they wear. If the queen bee decides something is uncool then they all agree lest they get ousted out.
Their mums are all in a clique... do everything together. I used to be friendly with them but have been pushed out. It kind of hurts but then im glad i have the freedom to be who i want to be.
I always find myself on the finges of friendship groups. Dont know how i feel... kind of sad but kind of glad im not stuck in one group. Im also very happy with my own company and am not willing to suck up to queen bees.
Am i missing out? I always feel that the cliques are uite intimidating and overpowering tbh. Strength in numbers but they have decided i dont fit for whatever reason.

I feel you sound immature, if I'm being totally frank.

Are you going to elaborate for us pink or leave it with one snarky comment?

My dd is 8 and her clique is her world so i guess her experience is immature.. as it would be at 8.

I don't think you sound immature. Being part of a clique is very wearing and sometimes it's a relief to step out TBH.

How old is DD?

No, it's pathetic.
There will always be people with shared interests, shared experiences etc.
But for someone to think they're better or to deliberately leave others out is utterly shitty.
Is it worth speaking to your daughter about this
as the fall out from these type of groups can be awful.

I get it op, I used to feel the same in playgroups everyone had a clique and I'd just have a brew quietly in the corner, im so pleased our school year group doesn't seem to be like that now my son is a bit bigger

Some people need to feel part of a tribe.

Have you seen The Bratz Movie? Is for tweens but I really enjoyed it, is asll about the stupidity of cliques. And Mean Girls, obvs.

She's 8 beat to go with it for now, the mothers are easily avoided.

8?!?

Sorry X post. Hopefully the clique of 8 year olds as they get older will be able to see things differently.
Are they likely to all be staying together for High School?

People are entitled to be friends with whomever they like. If you don't like a particular group, or they don't like you, there's no point in being friends with them, is there?

Why are you calling them a clique, not just a group of friends? I've never really been sure what the difference is.

YANBU. I thought I was past all that back at school but now I'm studying as a mature student and there are a group of women inthe my tutor group who behave like this, it does my head in and I truly can't be arsed with it.

A clique to me kind of implies there are certain rules of membership rather than just a group of friends.

I think Mn waaay overdiagnoses 'cliques'. Otherwise known as 'people who already know one another.' I don't think it's at all helpful to pass on to a child the idea that all social life is based on cliques and queen bees, either.

8 is a bit young for a clique surely? At 8 DD was 'best friends' with someone different every day but they generally all rubbed along nicely. In my experience (middle school) year 6 is when it usually all starts, bloody horrible year for girls IMO. I would be encouraging an 8 year old not to get involved in crap like that.

I don't know that people in a clique necessarily perceive it as such. I think they just see themselves as a group of friends.

The only people I've known to complain about 'cliques' in real life are the people who are impossible to talk to because they make no effort. They shuffle along never speaking to anyone, then complain they have no friends

At 8 if she's in a clique it would be facilitated by parents, eg buying things that friends think are cool. I wouldn't encourage it. I odn't hink OP sounds immature, as 'cliques' or certainly cliquey type groups seem to still be relevant among school parents of all ages, not just the children. I get that some may think they are just a group of friends but they operate as tweenage cliques would do, sometimes. Sometimes though they are welcoming and open to friendships with others, but just tend to spend more time with one another for a whole load of reasons or history. I do think best not to think you're missing out though, because you're not. Maintain some genuine friendships away from groups that make you, or others, feel uncomfortable or unwelcome, and be your own person.

I love a chat sparrowhalk.

I felt the friendship group became a clique as i was gradually dropoed from social invites. Tbh i was relieved as if had some bitchy comments thrown at me.
Tbh i didnt have much in common. I was single and skint and they were very well off. Im fine about it.
If anyone can tell me how to stop an 8 year old be part of a clique then fore away.
We have regular chats about it.

Fire away even!

It wasn't actually intended snarkily.

Your line about "I'm glad I have the freedom to be who I want to be" was a bit cringe-worthy from an adult woman.

It sounds like you didn't like that group so the friendship didn't work. It happens.

Why do you want to change your Dd's friendship group?

I feel sidelined by cliques in my community.

It is unpleasant because they are more socially dominant and I have found that I have lost potential new friends to 'the group' before I've had a chance to get to know the new people myself.

Also, these new people often don't really know that they've been adopted by the clique - they just think that they've joined a fantastically welcoming community. It can be very isolating.

"Why are you calling them a clique, not just a group of friends? I've never really been sure what the difference is."

Oh, I know this one, @Violetcharlotte ! "Groups of friends" are what men have. When it's women, it's a clique.