Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you still have this child attend the party?? Not sure what to do?!

57 replies

NoOneLikesACrispyTowel · 20/05/2017 08:34

Sons party today.

One of the parents text me at 5pm yesterday to say her daughter couldn't make it.
We extended the invite to someone else who is now coming.

The mother text me at 10pm to say that her daughter could come after all.

Now we have to go to the shop and buy another party bag and stuff because we have ended up with an extra person. And we also have to pay for the 'stand in' child to enter the soft play centre now and extra for face painting etc.

It's really pissed my husband off who told me to message her back and 'tell her tough!'

I can kinda understand where he's coming from because at 10pm changing your mind is a bit of a liberty. But from the little girls perspective (kids are aged 5-6) it's not her fault and from my sons persepective that's his friend and he wanted her to come.

WWYD.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoOneLikesACrispyTowel · 20/05/2017 08:46

I don't know the parent at all. It's the first time I've spoke to her, I don't do the school run because I work so haven't got to know the parents this time round.

I'm going to have the little girl come, to be honest with you I wouldn't have been able to say no I think I needed to hear it from somewhere else.

Thanks for your input I appreciate it.

I'm off to the shops to stock up on party stuff.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 20/05/2017 08:46

We it's not her fault her dad's needing her about.

Poor girl was probably upset at being told she wasn't going to go and he's probably upset her in other ways too.

I'd let her come.

centreyourself · 20/05/2017 08:46

What gamer said. If you're almost sure about one not turning up problem just about solved.

I hope you all have a lovely day and that you're not cross/wound up etc at the party.
You could find some non-confrontational way of getting it across to the mother that she caused you worry/hassle?

Brokenbiscuit · 20/05/2017 08:46

I'm a bit surprised that you invited someone else at such late notice yesterday tbh, and equally surprised that they accepted, but I don't think that you can uninvite the original child now.

It's a difficult situation if it will put pressure on you financially, but the children are 5/6 years old and probably really excited about the party - I think you'll need to suck it up.

AddToBasket · 20/05/2017 08:46

Let her come! Party bags are not a good reason to keep her away.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/05/2017 08:46

Hope your ds enjoys the party Smile

Fastfrickinforwards · 20/05/2017 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElsieMc · 20/05/2017 08:48

Don't stress it op, someone will always fail to turn up and often it is more than one so it will be annoying for you to have spent money unnecessarily. Honestly, it will work out fine and tell your dh that and to stop being an ass or it will spoil your ds party.

dementedpixie · 20/05/2017 08:49

If you were short of money why did you invite someone else?

Kokusai · 20/05/2017 08:51

You can be honest "oh no I'm really sorry but I invited some else last night to take X's space and they accepted. Look, this is really awkward but we are having a very tight month and don't have any spare cash to pay for an extra child. If x is still keen to come would you be able to pay the entrance fee? I know that sounds bad but we only budgeted for 10."

dementedpixie · 20/05/2017 08:51

And why do an expensive softplay party if that was over your budget too? You could have had a cheap house party instead

HenryPassMeTheBourbons · 20/05/2017 08:51

I would say yes. It is annoying though

Kokusai · 20/05/2017 08:53

If you were short of money why did you invite someone else

Because OP has paid for a set number.

thepatchworkcat · 20/05/2017 08:56

Oh let her come. Especially if it's due to an arse of a Dad messing them around. You could just spread the party bag stuff a bit thinner, really no one cares that much about what's in party bags anyway. And like others have said, you might get some no shows.

ohforfoxsake · 20/05/2017 08:56

Yes let her come.

It's not her, or her mothers, fault by the sounds of it. The child would probably be looking forward to it, and frankly it would be quite mean if you as an adult to hold firm on this.

I would always do party bags for mine as hosts, but they could be given to extra guests/siblings if needed.

Your DH maybe needs to crack open a bottle of empathy and take a good swig. It's about a small child's feelings.

Fanciedachange17 · 20/05/2017 08:58

If the little girl is being messed about by the absent Dad (and probably the mother is having a hell of a time too) I would cut them some slack. She's probably none too flush with money either. Might be worth inviting her for a coffee and being a shoulder to lean on - possibly the start of a good friendship.
I'd take a gamble on someone not turning up before paying for an extra place. You may even find the play centre cut you some slack. They are human too. Good luck and I hope your Son has a great day. Happy Birthday to him!

Crunchymum · 20/05/2017 09:00

I'd have told mum yesterday that I was offering place to someone else when she text at 5pm.

Worded accordingly ("sorry you can't make it, as we've paid for x places, I'm going to see if someone can fill your dd place. See you monday"

CheeseCrackersAndWine · 20/05/2017 09:03

I am glad you are letting her come. Your DH sounds pretty mean. In your shoes, if we were so skint we couldn't stretch to an extra party bag & soft play admission we would have been having a low key party in the house rather than stretch our finances even more but I guess that wasn't your question.

Whereisthecake · 20/05/2017 09:04

If you'd got a message from everyone else saying they could definitely make it to the party, then I would text back and say that you've invited someone else because you couldn't afford to waste money. There's a chance someone else might not turn up, but surely the would have let you know before hand?

It sounds like the little girl got told she couldn't go to the party because she had been a bit naughty, then apologised, and her Mum has now said she can go again. And if this was the case, the Mum shouldn't have text you about it, assuming she just wanted a sorry.

If you really can't afford it, just text back and let her know you'll be seeing her Monday at school.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/05/2017 09:08

If the little boy turns up, you'll have to ask the soft play place to accommodate one more child. I had an agreement once with a soft play place that they'd add an extra child last minute as my sil couldn't make her mind up if she could be bothered was coming.

TheAntiBoop · 20/05/2017 09:12

Were you planning on giving your child a party bag? I always had a spare which mine would get if left over but also meant I had one extra if needed.

Wdigin2this · 20/05/2017 09:16

Which would stress you most, paying for the 'extra' or telling the parent, and your DS, that the child can't come?

user1491572121 · 20/05/2017 09:28

I used to always buy one or two party bags extra but just shove the "leftovers" in them...there's always a few leftover lollies or haribos and a a yoyo or soemthing....I did it because of siblings who came with their parent. We had a few always whose parent would pay their entrance and food...and I always felt bad about no party bag. soft touch

OMGIwonacar · 20/05/2017 09:33

Honestly if you are just holding your head above water then don't have an expensive soft play party. Assuming it's £80-100.

Host a at home party. Yes it's a squeeze. Cheap buffet or even chicken dippers and chips. Party games with Haribo bags as prizes. Party bag is lollipop and cake. Much cheaper. Two to three hours of stress granted but no financial worry afterwards!

Iamastonished · 20/05/2017 09:52

Good decision. It would have been mean to refuse, and unfair to take it out on a child when it was their dick of a parent's fault.

Swipe left for the next trending thread