To ask for information from parents with three children..

[Calvinlookingforhobbs]

Posting for traffic. When considering a third baby, the uniform response so far has been "what about your car, and holidays". I'm just wondering how much more work a third is, and how much more the cost, in relative terms to two. Are the cars and holidays the big deal everyone assumes? Thank you

Being completely honest, I do feel two is more than enough and three starts to be an in issue when you are literally outnumbered. Obviously, I wouldn't undo one of my children but I wouldn't recommend it either.

Remember multiples happen so be sure you are happy if 2-3 is actually 2-4!

Yes and I agree that you need a sahp or big bucks

I wont lie - for me it's been hard

car - had to get rid of my beloved Mini

Holidays - not too bad because my ex couldn't cope with 3 kids and walked when number 3 was 9 months old so it's just a family of 4 unless I take my mum - then it's 2 rooms you need

They bicker constantly and you are totally out numbered

I love number 3 to bits but honestly I'm not sure I do it in retrospect!

There's always one left out as well no matter how hard you try. My saying is you have the second to give company for the first and the third for yourselves- as in I don't think the kids benefit from having to share parents I think it's usually because the parents want one more and mine always say that three is to many !!

I found going from 2 to 3 much harder than having a second child.

Looking back though it wasn't until I went back to work when dd was 8 months that I started to find it tough. I'm a single parent and have to run a tight ship to keep on top of everything but I don't regret having a 3rd, I just don't have much time to myself and feel that I'm spread a bit thin between them all!

We have 4 now, but often down to 3 as DS1 is with ExP.

In terms of car - 3 kids fit in most cars. They just do. Unless you're having a singleton and twins a year later you're unlikely to need huge car seats forever.

Holidays also not all bad. We choose to holiday in the U.K, but that's preference not because we have 4 children. We hire lodges with hot tubs or 3 bed caravans. 3 bedrooms is absolutely fine for the sake of a holiday. We'd do the same if we went abroad - 3 bed villa. We're not package types.

When we did Disney we stayed at DCR and it was fine. Kids were happy as Larry and although it was small, you literally just sleep there!

In terms of general life, yes it's louder and there's more to do. We have to juggle more after school clubs but I know people with only 1 child who are here and there more than we are!

Three was a piece of cake, honestly. 4 is pretty easy too, I'm even considering a fifth

We didn't need a new car as we had a 5 seater mpv anyway. Holidays haven't changed much but we tend to do caravan holidays and we don't go every year anyway. Just need an extra bedroom. I've found a lot of places do now cater for families of 5 in terms of family tickets and we haven't found babysitters any less willing because we have 3. Clothes and toys can be passed down.

We have 3 and I would have loved a fourth if it had happened. (We tried but age was against me!) Mine are all relatively close in age so I needed a bigger car to fit 3 full child seats, but I found we had plenty of choice when looking.

Holidays for us have not been much of an issue as we have a caravan and we have always booked a villa and flights separately for our hols abroad so it's just one extra flight cost for us. The cost for package holidays and hotels does jump up massively though as you're paying for two rooms (often at the adult rate x 4 as the price is based on 2 adults sharing in each room).

The time I notice it most financially are things like activities or lessons - I signed mine up for swimming lessons last week and had to pay £150 upfront and then it's £60 per month. Buying new uniform and school shoes for September is always an expensive day out too!

I found going from 2 to 3 harder than 1 to 2, but that was more circumstances. Ds was ill almost constantly for nearly 18 months (only ear infections but needed holding and cuddling) and I was very tired.

But we haven't found issues with things like travel lodges-they've always said not to worry, have 3 dc in. Dd1 was nearly 7yo and tall when ds came along so only had a booster seat so we didn't have the 3 car seats not fitting etc.

Same as a previous poster, twins first then 4 year gap then number 3.

I think the biggest costs (for us) are being out of the work place / being less than full time for a longer period because I didn't think 3 x children under 5 plus full time hours was do-able. I still only do 4 days (children are 12, 12 and 8) and I've been leapfrogged professionally by lots of younger colleagues. Don't get me wrong, most of the time I don't mind that but my career will not be the same as a result of having Number 3.

Holidays are expensive, car an expense - quite cheesed off the previous poster suggest parents of 3 never reciprocate with lifts, or rely on nanny / grandparents / other parents. We specifically got a 7 seater so we could pull our weight with lifts, and the children have never missed out on extracurricular stuff as a result of being 1 of 3. It might have been a logistical and expensive nightmare but we've managed it. I think my husband and I have made more sacrifices than we might have done with 2 (our own hobbies / socialising / 'couple' time) - its often 9.30/10pm before we sit down in the evening after homework / reading / getting organised for the following day. Its mentally stressful trying to make time for each of them separately.

Expense wise, its just more expensive generally. Going to a wedding next week, need 5 outfits + shoes (not 4), food bill is high, meals out are expensive (5 x adult meals more or less now), more Christmas and birthday presents. 3 x swimming lessons / sports clubs and team strips / petrol ferrying them all around.

But number 3 really completed our family (cheesy but true) and I felt "done" - kind of personally satisfied with life - as soon as she arrived.

Two were easy enough to manage, only 12 months in age so it was like having twins, throw a third one in so there were 3 under 5 and it became a night mare. Never had an abroad holiday, the cost was so prohibitively expensive in school holidays. Family tickets assume 4 people not 5. Car, had to get a 7 seater people carrier. Then there is the period of time where all three were in different schools, that was joy! Clubs, activities etc - one child is always disadvantaged. I feel so sorry for my youngest, he's so over looked.

I don't find it all that expensive - we pass a lot down! Uniform etc is passed down and our schools do bloody good second hand sales at £1 an item! Between that and aldi stuff/Sainsbury's 25% off clothing costs aren't horrendous.

Shoes though. Why do boys destroy shoes? 😫

I found 2 to 3 easy. she just slotted right in, and we got on with what we were doing anyway.
I had mine a while ago so not so paranoid about car seats as now so can't advise on cars - eldest was on a booster not long after youngest was born and we didn't have airbags so baby went in the front anyway. When you have dc though, it's useful to have a people carrier just for friends and giving lifts etc anyway, so I don't think it need be a big deal.
Holidays haven't been a problem.
I like the fact they they don't rely solely on one sibling - there's always the other one to fight with turn to.
Obviously, over time it's oing to cost more to have 3 than 2 - childcare being the obvious one, and then every time you spend money - be that your weekly food bill or the number of pairs of school shoes you buy in your lifetime, or paying when you go to places, but a LOT of things can be shared or handed down.

Three times as much squabbling - none of them have common interests.

Every child deserves to be an only child IMHO

It is bloody hard, and dc3 is much harder work than the other two. We have a three bed house and no option to move somewhere bigger, so two will always have to share a room. I have palpitations at the possibility of them all going to university and the ensuing cost. Our car is ancient but we can't afford to upgrade. I spent 7 years out of the workplace because of childcare costs (thinking about school holidays as well). We have never been abroad as a family of five. Someone always wants my attention and I feel spread very thin.

I personally found going from 1 to 2 was a far bigger shock than going from 2 to 3. The washing increased dramatically but other than that, I wouldn't say there was a huge difference and my last 2 were 2 years apart so we were still in baby mode. I also found that as I knew DD3 would be our last, I savoured every single moment of it and loved having the 3. It's never made much difference holiday wise to be honest; and as we had 3 girls it was always easy with clothes etc. I don't regret it for a second. We did change to a 7 seater when DD3 started school as I found we needed it if they wanted friends to come out etc but on the other hand, found I always ended up the designated driver as I had extra room so I don't know if I'd have done that with hindsight!!

quite cheesed off the previous poster suggest parents of 3 never reciprocate with lifts, or rely on nanny / grandparents / other parents.

Same here! We have four and DH often gives lifts to others. I can't drive so am used to getting places without relying on lifts from others.
Also felt the comment about not doing clubs just sitting at home was harsh.

I found going from 2-3 was difficult because DC3 was a difficult pregnancy and a difficult baby.
However I do see lots of holidays and family tickets etc geared up for families of five...now that we are a family of 6 and can't take advantage of them.

Thank you so much for your replies. They are all very interesting and useful!

I don't get why the car question is always asked. If you have 3 then there is still enough room in the car without having to get a 7 seater.

We have three children and a 5 seater but it is a pain that we are not able to take anybody else if we are all in it - plus 3 is a bit of a squash in the back in our car - saving up for a 7 seater.

Holidays are definitely more expensive - we no longer stay in hotels as it is difficult to find reasonably priced accommodation for 5 - but AirBnB has been a lifesaver!

Two of my three have asd and ADHD so is tricky but actually I found an even number easier. My older two are a year apart and my youngest is four/three years younger than her siblings. It's easier when we just take the two out. Personally I'd go for two or four. Three to me isn't a good number.

Remember multiples happen so be sure you are happy if 2-3 is actually 2-4!

True! We were "meant" to be a family of 4.

Personally I'd go for two or four.

The research suggests the same (sorry for the Daily Fail).

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2320235/Why-stressful-number-children--BUT-mothers-MORE-relaxed.html

I love having three, and for me it has been a good leap (2-3). However, dh has been able to adjust his work pattern this year and is around more. If we had carried on with our previous set up the first 6 months would have tested my sanity (my kids are all quite young). I am a SAHM so everything is about the kids at the moment. I'm now considering a fourth but the financial implications are my biggest concern.

I don't get why the car question is always asked. If you have 3 then there is still enough room in the car without having to get a 7 seater.

So you don't have any relatives? elderly parents? or ever have other children home for tea?