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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this greedy?

39 replies

Anonymousey22 · 19/05/2017 16:47

Off the back of another thread...

  1. Hen do weekend (not in city bride from)
  2. Registry office wedding for families in home city
  3. Wedding abroad involving at least two days off work (mid week)
OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 19/05/2017 16:48

What do you mean "greedy"?

Wolfiefan · 19/05/2017 16:49

If you mean you expect all your friends and family to pay to attend all these (and weekend activities and buy you a gift and outfits) then yes.

Ecureuil · 19/05/2017 16:49

As long as the bride and groom don't actually expect/pressurise people to attend then it's fine. People are free to have whatever hen parties/weddings they desire. The people they invite are free to accept or decline as they see fit.

DramaInPyjamas · 19/05/2017 16:53

If you can afford to go, have time off to go and want to go then no it's not greedy

PurpleDaisies · 19/05/2017 16:53

I wouldn't be able to go to a mid week wedding anyway. Teachers. can't take time off. What would you expect those with school age children to do?

ILookedintheWater · 19/05/2017 16:54

The problem with destination hen/stag dos and weddings is that people who can't really afford it feel obliged to attend. Or worse, if they decline the invitation the happy couple are disappointed they can't make it and feel as if it's a reflection on their friendship.

So no, I wouldn't say greedy, but expecting a lot.

Original poster
Anonymousey22 · 19/05/2017 16:54

I guess because certain people do have to be there e.g. family - and it's costing them c.1k all in plus holiday from work

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 19/05/2017 16:55

If you expect all your guests to take time off work and spend money on travelling then yes it is a bit much. If you're genuinely ok with people not going then no it's not

harderandharder2breathe · 19/05/2017 16:56

If people are having to spend £1K plus holiday time then yes imo that's too much unless your family and friends are all mega rich

PurpleDaisies · 19/05/2017 16:56

I guess because certain people do have to be there e.g. family - and it's costing them c.1k all in plus holiday from work

I think expecting people to come is out of order. Destination weddings should only ever be "come if you can".

chipsandpeas · 19/05/2017 16:58

yes its greedy
why have a registry office and a ceremony abroad
either get married here or aborad dont expect people to pay and take time off work for both

DramaInPyjamas · 19/05/2017 17:00

"I guess because certain people do have to be there e.g. family"

^^

Nobody should have to be there especially if they can't afford it, family or not - if they are expected to be there then bride/groom should be paying the costs to have them there.

NellieFiveBellies · 19/05/2017 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kokusai · 19/05/2017 17:00

Wedding abroad involving at least two days off work (mid week)

Yes book a bloody weekend day at least FFS, that is just pure cost shifting from the B&G who can't be arsed to pay for a weekend wedding date in the UK, to the guests in terms of annual leave and foreign destination.

Ecureuil · 19/05/2017 17:06

I guess because certain people do have to be there e.g. family - and it's costing them c.1k all in plus holiday from work

Well we wouldn't be able to afford it so simply wouldn't be able to go. If the B&G were annoyed that would be their problem.

Ecureuil · 19/05/2017 17:08

FFS, that is just pure cost shifting from the B&G who can't be arsed to pay for a weekend wedding date in the UK, to the guests in terms of annual leave and foreign destination

But yeah, in general I agree with this. We arranged our wedding so that it involved minimal expense and travel for our guests. If we hadn't been able to do that, we would have waited until we could afford to.

PurpleDaisies · 19/05/2017 17:09

Who are you in the story op? Are you a pissed off relative who has to go to the wedding?

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 19/05/2017 17:13

I think it really depends on your circumstances and the circumstances of those who you want to there

If you know that your close family/friends can afford it and give them plenty of notice then YANBU

If you give 3 months notice and expect all your family and friends to make it then YABU

Goldfishjane · 19/05/2017 17:14

it's a problem if anyone is considered as "have to be there" and then forking out money and taking time off work.

It's a smidge different if the couple offer to pay but it doesn't compensate for using time off work. No one should "have to be there" for all of this. If I were doing that for a wedding (cold day in hell, but just playing DA for a minute) then I would want my sister and best friend to be at 2 but the rest of it would be a totally unfair ask. Also I think 2 would have to be a Saturday.

Allthebestnamesareused · 19/05/2017 17:14

It's all about choice. The bride and groom can make their choice (how they want their wedding) - those invited can make theirs (to go or not to go). As long as everyone respects each other's choice it is a non issue.

BuckinghamLass · 19/05/2017 17:19

I would be very pissed off if I "had" to spend £1000 on someone else's wedding! That's almost a month's wages for me at the moment.

MacarenaFerreiro · 19/05/2017 17:19

It's not greedy - that's the wrong word. Presumptuous, unthinking, silly are probably more appropriate words.

muckypup73 · 19/05/2017 17:21

way too much to exepct people tobook 2 days off work.

needastrongone · 19/05/2017 17:21

Yes, 'expecting' anyone to be at your wedding is greedy, or at least presumptuous of a couple.

Despite any money or holiday commitments, the only people who have the right to 'expect' anyone else to be there is the bride and groom, and that's each other!

needastrongone · 19/05/2017 17:21

X-posted with Macarena, same word usage!