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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please help.

61 replies

Chocolatefrogs · 19/05/2017 13:25

Regular user but have namechanged.

Please, please help.

I don't quite know how to put this, but I wanted to talk to someone about this.

Have had depression/anxiety symptoms for a very long time. Have seen doctor about this and receiving some support.

Recently however, it's spiralled a little bit and I've gone a bit downhill. I've been having nightmares and feeling very nervous/uneasy at night since hearing, as most people have, about the death of Ian Brady. Have kept bedroom light on at night in effort to get some sleep. Have lost appetite more or less, and have been sleeping very badly, if at all. Please help. I'll stop reading the papers for a bit - perhaps that will help.

Any further advice would be extremely welcome.

OP posts:
PhyllisNights · 19/05/2017 22:36

I've experienced sleepless nights over true crime. I've been awoke most nights thinking about unresolved crime. My husband thinks I'm being silly.

The best thing you can do is make local contacts and ensure you are protecting your local area. Having a local neighbourhood lookout will make you feel safer. Trust me.

Blossomdeary · 19/05/2017 22:43

If rumination is a big feature of your problems CBT can be a useful tool to get your thoughts n a different tack.

These feelings are so horrible. Do seek some help. And the Samaritans, as suggested by many others, are a very good source of support.

Hope you will get the help you need soon. Flowers

FelixtheMouse · 19/05/2017 22:44

I have NEVER taken an exam Still where the invigilator was not reading a book or paper, plus there is nothing in what you have linked to that says reading by invigilators is prohibited.

FizzyGreenWater · 19/05/2017 22:59

Oh OP. Sending you all the best

Have you thought of seeking out information on positive things too? Little things Ike keeping an eye on community blogs, websites, if you are on social media follow sites or pages which are positive and celebratory? There are so many good things happening as well as bad. Lots of good people doing great stuff to help make the world a better place. Or, try and get into seeking out information rather than news? History, nature, travel interest blogs or fb pages can be just as click-baity as the Mail - but will be a breath of healthy mind-air instead of something which basically drags you down.

theconstantinoplegardener · 19/05/2017 23:03

One thing that I have found soothing when I'm worrying at night, is working through the alphabet by topic. So you think of a category - girls names, American states, European cities, animals, whatever - and think of one for each letter of the alphabet. So if my category was European cities I might go Athens, Brussels, Cologne, etc. It distracts you from your worries and somehow induces sleep...I very rarely manage to stay awake to the end of the alphabet! Of course, you must keep changing categories - animals one night, American states the next, and so on.

ednabuckett · 19/05/2017 23:13

The mail was one of my main reasons for quitting! I remember having to intervene when I realised a student (I'm a teacher) was watching a pretty graphic video of cruelty to animals from the mail online as one of their top 'stories'. How does that help anyone? He was in a state, and frankly, so was I! I'm a DSL so I know abuse happens. I don't need to see it sensationalised by that shitty publication. I didn't watch that three girls prog for instance. Can't handle it. I know what happened so why put myself through it.

I listen to radio 2 on the way to and from work and generally leave the news on, but just turn off if I start to sense bad feelings - Ian Brady being a good example of a story I will block. I know what he did. The story has been told over and over. I simply don't need to hear it and feel bad again. So I'm in touch with real news (if there is such a thing anymore!) and I follow carefully selected social media to keep up to date with things that are important to me.

I rarely watch mainstream telly either for the same reason. No soaps. No documentaries. Many a night I've looked at the TV guide and the offerings from the main 4 are just a TV version of the mail front page. I don't even entertain it. It's honestly changed my life.

Italiangreyhound · 19/05/2017 23:16

I had to avoid newspapers and especially those take a break magazines. I had to avoid the area where they were sold in stores. I felt compelled to read stuff and then ruminated on it.

This was a long time ago, I was diagnosed with 'anxiety' (which manifested as kind of panic attacks in all kinds of places).

I had this almost 20 years ago.

I went to my GP and was referred to mental health services. I had Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) on the NHS and it worked. I've not had anxiety since. Please do speak to your GP to get some more help.

Short term you can get films and audio books from the library, you may need to pay something, but they are cheaper. Find things inspirational and light and perky.

My anxiety was kind of fortune telling worst case scenario but just started with fear, I just felt so fearful and was not sure why. It was truly horrible.

CBT did work for me, I know it doesn't work for everyone but it is worth a go, you need to address this with medical help but short term, distraction as people have said, meditation, mindfulness if this helps you.

Plus watch the The Truth about Sleep for tips on how to get better sleep. As long as it won't be worrying for you, it does mention that lack of sleep is bad for you so if it is not helpful, turn it off!

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08q8p13

All the best Thanks

kohl · 19/05/2017 23:26

Gentle podcasts are great, and doing something with your hands whilst listening-knitting etc.

If I feel overwhelmed I use a technique that I learnt when I was having flashbacks-it's simple but really does bring you into the here and now-think hard of one thing you can hear, one thing you can see, and one thing you can feel.

Anxiety is really shitFlowers for you.

Beerwench · 20/05/2017 02:40

Another sleep robbed anxious person here!
I worry about stupid stuff and always have some massive, convoluted plan in place, just ya know in case
At least tonight I'm actually stressing about a RL situation!
I feel for you. I leave the TV on or put a DVD on, something light hearted and mess about on my phone and try not to force it because then I get anxious about the anxiety!
On your nightmares, I get them too, and this may sound daft but I kind of 'ask' for the dream I want and that seems to root into my subconscious, and sometimes it works.
Hope you're managing a better night than me OP Flowers

Original poster
Chocolatefrogs · 20/05/2017 19:22

Thank you so so much everyone Flowers you're all fantastic.

I had a much better night's sleep yesterday than I have had for a few days. I think tiring myself out during the day really helped - as well as not reading any news or anything before bed. (I've got a nasty habit of using my phone right before bed, which I realise is not a good idea for getting to sleep easily Blush).

Italian thanks for posting the link to the sleep programme - that looks so useful!

kohl thanks for your suggestion about focussing on 5 different things I can hear, see, smell etc. I actually tried that for the first time last night, and found it really helpful.

Beer thanks so much for your advice. How are you feeling? I hope you were able to get some sleep last night, and I hope that tonight is more restful for you Flowers.

If anyone has further advice, please do post with your ideas.

It might be nice if we could continue this thread as a support thread for anyone who would like advice for managing anxiety or stress.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatefrogs · 20/05/2017 19:25

Also constantinople I love the idea of an alphabet game. I think that would work really well. Thank you! Flowers

I do feel that I tend to overthink things, so all of the techniques that everyone has suggested so far as a way of keeping my mind busy and distracted will come in very handy!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatefrogs · 20/05/2017 19:28

Tapandgo sorry for only just replying to your post. I'm so sorry to hear it. What sort of things does he like? I hope he's okay Flowers is he able to go to his GP to ask for other forms of support (e.g. CBT or other help)?

Something like the Jeeves and Wooster book series, as a previous poster suggested, might be helpful. It's quite old-fashioned but very funny.

I can't think of any other funny books for now, but hope this might help as a starting suggestion.

OP posts:
frozenfairy123 · 20/05/2017 19:33

Really feel for u honey. My advice would be make sure u are taking vitamins if u are not eating well as that alone can add to anxiety if your body is lacking. The b bits are good too. Get out into the countryside or beach or park as nature is great for calming the nervous system. Breath- really deep breaths in and out and if u can't sleep practice breathing in for 5, out for 5 then 6 then 7 etc. Meditation apps are good too. Love the idea of reading about good people and how kind and amazing humans can be.

Sending hugs 🌸💐🌺xx

Pagwatch · 20/05/2017 19:42

The thing I use t night is guided mindfulness meditation.
I thought mindfulness was woo crap but it's brilliant for my anxiety.
You can get free apps or there re meditations on YouTube.
I put on a nighttime meditation and I fall asleep without my looping negative thoughts. It's a real help.

Storminateapot · 20/05/2017 19:50

It doesn't need to be audiobooks, which cost money. I'm a big fan of BBC iPlayer radio - I like the drama section and the comedy section particularly. You can download episodes to listen offline and it's free. I listen to it every night to send me to sleep and if I can't sleep it's something to focus on to stop my mind getting too chatty.

Megbert · 20/05/2017 20:02

You could try listening to [[http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/598SVYJ2smP8qJlpH29y7Vj/podcasts In Our Time]] if you need a distraction.

It's a radio program where the host bring in a few experts to chat about various subjects (Science, philosophy, history) but it's all really in layman's terms so you don't need to think very hard which I find helps. :o

I personally find the history section very calming when my anxiety is particularly bad.

I'm glad you feel a bit better, though. Flowers

Megbert · 20/05/2017 20:04

Oh bum, link fail.

In Our Time

Tapandgo · 20/05/2017 20:10

chocolate thank you - I'll suggest that range of books. He is on list for CBT.

ChildishGambino · 20/05/2017 23:26

I really hope you're doing ok x

ChildishGambino · 20/05/2017 23:27

Frozen - love the idea of listening to positive stories - you're a gem

PeaFaceMcgee · 20/05/2017 23:29

Try any hypnotherapy download for combating anxiety x

Original poster
Chocolatefrogs · 21/05/2017 15:20

Hi everyone.

Thanks so much again for your help so far.

Just an update on my situation. I'm really struggling, and have pushed friends and family a little bit - especially over the past week. I'll text them instead of answering their calls, and I upset a family member yesterday (absolutely unintentionally) by trying to get out of a visit next week (they would like to come to visit me).

I hope this doesn't come across as a drip-feed (I'm sorry and I don't mean it to), but I have been doing some CBT over the past couple of months. This has been useful, because it's given me ways to cope with specific feelings I might have (for example, if I'm feeling upset or stressed because of a specific event).

Maybe I'm approaching it wrongly, but so far it hasn't helped me with those feelings of hopelessness and depression that just seem to come out of nowhere and feel incredibly overwhelming. I'm sure that most of these feelings, although they seem like they come out of nowhere, are connected to something and can be traced back to an event or thought, but I struggle to connect them to anything most of the time. And at these times, I push people away and prefer not to have contact with anyone. Which I know can't be good. Not really sure what to do. I wonder if face-to-face counselling might be useful?

Thanks in advance. Sorry for such a negative update when you've all given me so much support on here Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatefrogs · 21/05/2017 15:24

Sorry, that should read: 'I've pushed friends and family away a little bit'.

I'm trying to think of exciting or fun things that I've got planned or that I can plan, but I can't think of anything. I'm involved in planning wedding-related things for a friend right now, but just see the planning now as stressful and overwhelming rather than exciting. And have started to resent the friend. Which is not ideal. Even though it's absolutely not their fault.

Also, through the CBT, one piece of advice that I was given was that if there's an essential thing on my to-do list that I need to get done, I should just start it and do 5 minutes of it, and then see how I feel. This is a good way of approaching tasks like that, but often I find it very hard to even think about doing the task (whatever it is).

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatefrogs · 21/05/2017 15:26

I don't want to talk to family or friends about how I'm feeling because I don't want to worry them. I just feel at a bit of a loss.

I'm also unemployed right now, and have lost all motivation to apply for jobs. I'm really struggling.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatefrogs · 21/05/2017 15:36

Read an article yesterday where someone was described as having lost their appetite for everything. This person has anorexia. While I'm not comparing myself to this person in any way, I thought that the comment about their appetite was very similar to how I'm feeling. I don't feel as if I want to do anything at all, and I don't know who I can talk to for support. Everyone else who I know feels as if they have their lives sorted (I realise that this might not necessarily be true, but that's how it looks from the outside).

Would really, really appreciate some support please.

OP posts: