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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bed time for 14 and 16 yr olds on school nights

62 replies

WhitePhantom · 19/05/2017 00:14

Apparently we're ridiculously strict and EVERYONE else gets to stay up later... so how many hours before getting-up time do your teens go to bed?

(Not asking what time they go to bed, cos obvs that depends on what time they have to get up, so just asking how many hours between going to bed and having to get up again)

Thanks!

OP posts:

shinysinkredemption · 19/05/2017 08:17

I'd like mine to be able to sleep for at least 9 hours. Sometimes DH and I will want to be asleep before 13yo so I leave her to it and she's sensible. He's up at 6.15 so sometimes goes up at 10 himself.

budgiegirl · 19/05/2017 08:19

14 year old is goes to bed at 10(ish), 16 year old goes at round 10.30 (but its later than that by the time he settles to sleep). They get up at 6.45am. We do prompt them to head to bed if they are up later.

In some ways, I understand the view that 16 year olds should not have a bedtime, and he can stay up as late as he likes at weekends and holidays, but when it's a case that he'll be missing the bus, and falling asleep at school, then, yes, he has a bedtime.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 19/05/2017 08:19

We tend toward pickles way really. I have no idea what time 13 year old dd actually falls asleep at but she will often opt just to go up anytime from half 8 and chills for a while but she gets up in the morning ok at 7 and isn't over tired. Ds1 is always asleep early he has never been able to stay awake even if he wanted to so has never had a set bedtime. Ds2 has always been a little later to sleep than his big brother even as a baby/toddler have been a bit firmer with him at times because he is 7 in a few weeks and given the chance can and will keep going in to the wee small hours. In fact he's the only one that has ever seen new year in

bruffin · 19/05/2017 08:22

Teenagers do need more sleep but the melatonin the makes them sleepy kicks in a lot later so they are not tired so early.
Basically once they started secondary school we didnt have bedtimes. They had to leave to get train about 7.45 but they very rarely missed it

WhatHaveIFound · 19/05/2017 08:24

DD needs a lot of sleep and should be in bed at 9pm but she faffs around so much that it's often 10pm by the time she's in bed and later when she falls asleep. Last night it was closer to 11pm because we were chatting as i'd just got back from a few days away.She has to be up at 6.30am.

Ronnyhotdog · 19/05/2017 08:32

14yr old is in bed for 10 to get up for 7, he won't have the full 9 hrs sleep, he faffs a lot beforehand.
Eldest is 18, he goes up at around 11pm also up at 7.
Weekends they both get a good 12hrs.

yikesanotherbooboo · 19/05/2017 08:37

No set bedtime here.
15 yr old gets up at 6 on school days and takes himself off at 9 usually... sometimes a bit of faffing but usually asleep before 10. If he was up after 10 I might gently suggest he go up but it's years since there has been anything remotely formal. On non school nights he can stay up if he wants... he is sometimes computering with his friends until about 11

IndigoWendigo · 19/05/2017 08:41

I'm 21 so remember my own bedtimes... DD isn't even in nursery yet.

I had a bedtime up to 16, the end of secondary school. Once I started college at 17, I only had a curfew for coming in and getting some dinner and being in the house, not a bedtime. The curfew was because my grandfather always went to bed by 8-9pm so needed rest for work the next morning, and my grandmother was a light-sleeper so I would easily disturb her coming in after she was in bed.

At 14 my bedtime was 9pm. I was up around 7am.

At 16 it was more like 10pm. Up at 7am.

At 17, I was usually in bed by 10.30/11.00pm.

Although, when I went to bed I would just read books or finish essays and usually wasn't actually asleep until after midnight.

Up to age 15 my phone was confiscated before bed so that I wouldn't stay awake talking to my friends and browsing the Internet etc.

sparkli · 19/05/2017 08:42

We also have no set bedtimes for DC 17, 16 and 15. Usually they are all asleep by midnight during the week, though.

DC 13 has to be upstairs for 10.30 and DC 11 and 10 have lights out by 10.30. All up at 7.50. Works well for us.

Curious2468 · 19/05/2017 08:43

At 16 I went to bed regularly after 1am. I think that's old enough to decide for themselves (in fact my best gcse coursework was done between 10pm-2am

IndigoWendigo · 19/05/2017 08:44

I wasn't allowed to watch TV at bedtime, as the blue-screen is supposed to stimulate the brain too much and keep you awake. So, my grandmother didn't like that. She didn't mind the books though, as I was raised on bedtime stories.

cantkeepawayforever · 19/05/2017 08:45

9 and a half hours, for DC of exactly those ages.

Both have activities that finish at or after 9 several nights each week (music; dance), but the deal is that they are in bed by 10. Up at 7.30.

PuckeredAhole · 19/05/2017 08:49

princecharles I think the opposite. 16 year olds still need boundaries and a bed time. The amount of teenagers I teach who have no bed time or curfew and are just wandering the streets at night is scary. Not all are obviously but it's our responsibility as parents to ensure our dc get enough sleep. Teenagers don't know what is good for them and prioritise other things.

SpottedOnMN · 19/05/2017 08:52

Up at 6:15am. 15 year old is allowed to stay awake as late as she likes, but no phones in bedrooms after 9:30 on school nights. She moans enormously but rarely bothers to stay up reading/fiddling around for long after the phone goes on charge downstairs. She'll sometimes stay downstairs with me watching TV until 10/10:30 but usually goes up about 9pm to text her friends for half an hour, then after bringing phone down she potters round getting ready for bed until about 10.

She needs 8+ hours of sleep a night to not be terribly grumpy, so I take the flack for removing her phone. Some of her friends are on the group chat until midnight and she'd be destroyed if she stayed up for that.

Slurrycart · 19/05/2017 08:52

My 13 yr old (nearly 14) is meant to be asleep by 9.30pm but we rarely make this stick. She is an only so it is difficult because she tends to want to stay downstairs until we all go up. She really needs her sleep though and now it is exam season we are having a crack down. Difficult at this time of year though when it is noisy outside with the windows open and it doesn't get dark until much later on.

Slurrycart · 19/05/2017 08:54

Forgot to say we are all up at 6am and no phones or any technology allowed anywhere near bedroom!

mayoli · 19/05/2017 08:55

If it helps, I'm nineteen, live alone etc. I'm usually in my bed by 9:30pm, asleep by 10pm, and wake up around 6am. I've been in this sleeping routine since I was fourteen maybe. No idea how teenagers survive on 12am bedtimes!

cloisonne · 19/05/2017 13:24

13 yr old goes to bed before 9.30 and up at 6.30.
Weekends by 10.30 and generally up by 9 am

steff13 · 19/05/2017 13:33

My 15-year-old and 18-year-old went to bed at 10 on a school night. Their last day for the summer was yesterday, so the 15-year-old is off until August and the 18-year-old is graduating so he won't have a bedtime anymore, of course. They got up at 6.

I guess it's maybe it seems weird to give an 18-year-old a bedtime, but as long as he was in school we were legally responsible for him. He would never skip school, but he would have stayed up all night and been exhausted.

picklemepopcorn · 19/05/2017 13:36

Having posted sounding like a libertine, we did get to this point via a set bedtime routine when they were at primary school and needed to leave at 7.45am for school. Bedtimes were closely set, but not needed when they reached their teens much to DM's disgust.

I also recognise that temperamentally my teens seem much easier than everyone else's. Possibly because DS1 was very difficult until about 11, so we did loads of work with him and built a really good relationship. They are both incredibly stubborn, but also extremely rational. If I make a good case, they choose to follow my advice. If I can't argue my case better than theirs, then they do their own thing.

I'm afraid I haven't really got away with 'telling them what to do' since they were pretty small.

gleegeek · 19/05/2017 13:41

I'm jealous so many of you have teens who sleep so many hours! Dd (nearly 14) has always needed less sleep than her peers. She'll often go up to her room 9:30ish but still be awake reading/painting/having a bath etc until gone 11pm. She wakes up without an alarm clock at 6:30 pretty religiously. Even at weekends/holidays she might go to bed a little later but it takes a good few days for her waking time to alter...
As someone who needs sleep, I don't know how she does it but she seems to thrive on it

liz70 · 19/05/2017 13:48

I'd love to see my 18 year old's face if I tried to tell her what time to put her light out! I could no sooner dictate her bedtime than DH mine. She's an adult now - she makes her own choices, good or bad.

Huldra · 19/05/2017 13:48

It's up to my nearly 16 year old when he sleeps.

At weekends he sleeps as long as he wants to and as long as he's quiet I don't mind if he goes to sleep at 9pm or 2am.

During the week he has to get up at 6am and sometimes he's awake at 12. Quite often these days he's in his room at 8pm and fallen asleep watching netflix at 9 to 10, it could be a gcse thing. I have to remove his laptop from his bed so he doesn't dribble on it

I've found the worse time for late nights was early teens to 15.

Teardropexplodes · 19/05/2017 13:52

DS gets up around 7ish but it's not uncommon for him to have a nap after school for an hour. We're big nappers in our family!

TwoBlueFish · 19/05/2017 14:08

My almost 13 year old and my 14 year old both have 10 hours between lights out and wake up.

They both really really need sleep and are aware of that so don't usually complain too much about going to bed earlier than their friends.

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