AstrantiaMajor this is precisely why I'm having discussions with my parents over their future.
My in-laws have tied everything up for the grandchildren. They are loaded and are expecting the state to pay for their care which will now fall on the state (and by its nature their children who they have written out of the will. This also means that they have painted themselves into a corner over their care. MIL says she won't care or understand if she's demented which boggles my mind. Especially when this woman goes on £80k cruises and manages to do little but find something to criticise.
On the other hand my parents have been dealing with the care system for my grandmother. She is a difficult lady who has managed to get herself sacked by her care company (she's just difficult rather than having behaviour issues relating to her age and has always been like this and her care needs are related to none dementia conditions). My MIL is very similar. The gap between her expectations and the reality is ridiculous. This will end up falling on her children who have been written out of the will as she will expect them either to pay to top up her care or fill in the gaps in care themselves.
At the same time we may face having to deal with my own parents care needs. This may well coincide with when DS is set to go to university.
My parents are trying to help us work out a way to stop us getting hit in a perfect storm of timing where we have to consider supporting both my parents, a share of my in-laws and our son. Bearing in mind we are struggling with our own pension and mortgage already. And that's without consideration for the welfare of my other close relative with learning issues who will probably fall to us too.
The reality is this. If we do happen to get any inheritance, it will go on care for others in someway. It won't be 'ours'. And that's probably the better case scenario. If the timing and order of deaths falls badly we will be very stuffed. This is why my parents are trying to do a trust for DS's university to ensure that he has the money at the right time.
In all honesty, we won't get anything. My grandmother has already decided that the whole family is only after her money (my mother regularly does expensive 500miles round trips to sort out the mess she has made with her care) so is leaving it all to charity. My in-laws aren't giving us a penny because of trying to dodge tax. My parents will be responsible for my other relative before me and they aren't worth a great deal in the first place.
This proposal actually creates another obstacle to being able to plan responsibility for the needs of our whole family. It makes it difficult to look after your own if you are prepared to do that. That's the crux of it, it encourages people to NOT look after themselves and their own and to skip a generation who are already being touted as the lost generation due to the implications of Brexit.
I despair of it all. I really do. DS will be fine provided his grandparents die at the right time. But for my generation? The loopholes cause so many problems that probably don't remove the burden of the cost of caring for our parents anyway and they potentially make it harder to plan.