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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable to fear your newborn baby will die (at every moment of the day). Is it a sign of PND?

63 replies

SanitysSake · 16/05/2017 19:50

As above. I'm losing my sh*t ladies. Little one is 2 weeks old today. I have a recurrent mantra running through my head 'Please don't die, don't die, die, shit, am I saying 'Die'? NO, don't die. God I'm sorry I'm your Mum. Please forgive me. I'm so so sorry. You look blue. Are you breathing? . Oh god, thank you, you're still breathing. Your breathing sounds rattly. Should I wake you up, sit you upright? Burp you again? Please stay with me...I love you. I don't think I'm doing the best, but I really don't want you to die.'

Yep.. losing it. Any gentle advice to a new first time mum gratefully received.

x

OP posts:
Trunkisareshite · 16/05/2017 20:10

Not normal but 100% been there.

It's ok not to be ok, go to the gp or ring the health visitor.

Good luck and congratulations on your new baby!

stitchglitched · 16/05/2017 20:16

I've been there with DC2. She was a great sleeper but I couldn't benefit from it because I would sit awake all night to make sure she was breathing. I didn't seek help until she was 6 months by which time I was very poorly with PND and anxiety. I wish I had sought help sooner. Well done on reaching out and deciding to see your GP. I hope you start to feel better soon.

jarhead123 · 16/05/2017 20:18

I used to panic about falling down the stairs carrying my newborn while half asleep!

It does sound like what your experiencing is a little abnormal/extreme so I would see the GP for a chat :) x

Supersoaryflappypigeon · 16/05/2017 20:23

See your midwife-don't isolate yourself. Talk about your fears. Please don't let this lie. Your fears are irrational and I certainly had similar thoughts but not constantly.

AudreyBradshaw · 16/05/2017 20:29

Another one who's encouraging you to talk to your MW/GP.

I felet exact he same as so many examples on this thread. I cried every night because I was scared to go to sleep and I couldn't watch him if I was asleep. So much so that I stayed at my parents/my Mum stayed with me till he was about 6 weeks old.

Happiest I've ever been but my God, the anxiety was horrific. It gets better.

StinkyMcgrinky · 16/05/2017 20:32

Another one sending positive thoughts and letting you know you're not on your own.

This was me, exactly. I was convinced DS1 was going to die. I wouldn't sleep because I needed to check he was breathing, I didn't want to bath him because he would drown, I wouldn't leave the house with him because a car would mount the pavement and knock us both over.

I was diagnosed with post natal anxiety and depression and with the support the the local mental health support team, my gp and medication it did get better. I'm still on the antidepressants but went on to have another baby with absolutely no signs of PND/A at all.

Please get some support Flowers

londonrach · 16/05/2017 20:36

I didnt have pnd but always think every morning has she died. Getting less worried at 9 months but that fear still there. Recently mentioned this to someone whom informed me she still pops in to check her uni aged dd is still breathing at night. You doing the right thing telling someone x

Jupitar · 16/05/2017 20:42

I had this anxiety, constantly, and the first time she slept through the night I spent the whole night checking she was still breathing. It bloody exhausting, then when they were toddlers I constantly saw danger everywhere had had scenarios whereby they'd get badly hurt running through my brain everywhere we went, was easier to just stay at home than go to the park 🙁

Redredredrose · 16/05/2017 20:44

I felt like that, and I did have PND. I'm not sure how connected it was, though. I was terrified he'd die of SIDS until he was about six months old.

MissBax · 16/05/2017 20:45

Congratulations on your little one OP! I don't know whether it's normal or a sign of PND I'm afraid as I'm.25 weeks now with my first. Just wanted to say I feel like I will be like this too - I already have SO many worries - will the birth be ok? Will her oxygen be restricted? Will she be premature? What if she doesn't get enough milk? Will I be able to regulate her temperature? Will I know if something goes wrong? Will I hold her right? Will the car seat be safe enough? Will our cars suffocate her.... It's endless 😞 if you work out how to reduce these please tell me too!

Designerenvy · 16/05/2017 20:47

I was very much like that with ds1. Constantly watching to make sure he was still 'alive'. I never told anyone, so not too sure how common it is. Looking back, I do feel I had an element of PND, I couldn't do anything bar mind the baby, as I thought if I left his side something bad would happen.
I'd agree with pps, talk to your gp please. I wish I had. Things might have got easier quicker if I did. Flowers

Mamabear14 · 16/05/2017 20:49

I was like this with DD. I was never like it with the boys but I think I was younger and didn't have the internet and the knowledge I have a decade later. I used to stay awake watching her, she was a terrible sleeper anyway and I was so exhausted. I wouldn't put her down as I was afraid if she didn't feel me breathing she would stop. I researched sids like mad. I used to lie awake praying to god to please make sure she woke up to me in the morning and was ok. I have never ever been religious. She's almost 2 now and I'm much better. I always check her when I go for a pee and put my hand on her tummy to feel her breathe, but it took a good year or so. I wish I had seen a doctor. Definitely go, they can help. Just take one day at a time.

KenAdams · 16/05/2017 20:55

My baby is 5 and I'm still like this albeit more mildly now. I had severe PND. Please see your GP

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 16/05/2017 20:56

It's probably not experienced by all mums on a regular basis but that doesn't make your anxiousness necessarily an indication of PND.
I had two children 18 and 16 yrs ago (who have miraculously survived into tennagehood). I remember thinking after no. 1 son was born 'please just let him live until my mum gets here' then; "please just let him live until my friends have seen him" and then "please just let him survive until he can sit up" and so on...
I was hugely anxious, convinced something awful was going to happen at any moment... and still am like that to a certain degree. They're 18 and 16 now and I worry constantly ... however ...
I'm also a fully functioning member of society, im not on anti depressants - I work in a professional role, have tons of friends, am happy ... I'm just a normal regular mum.
Just relax - it's all entirely normal - you don't need to be medicalised - you'll be absolutely fine.

RedSkySuperStar · 16/05/2017 21:06

Oh bless you. It sounds like anxiety which could turn into PND if not addressed, please do see your GP. You want to spend this time enjoying your new baby SmileFlowers

peneleope82 · 16/05/2017 21:15

I'm also a fully functioning member of society, not on anti depressants, work in a professional role, have one of friends, am happy, am just a normal regular mum... who has been diagnosed with Postnatal Anxiety. These things aren't mutually exclusive. And hopefully thanks to the help I have had I won't be worrying constantly about something awful imminently happening to my children when they are in their late teens.

Maternal mental health is a serious issue and even if it does turn out to be 'normal' new Mum anxiety then at least the OP will feel supported in the interim.

All the best to you OP x

Piffpaffpoff · 16/05/2017 21:16

I'd try midwife or HV first - I always remember my HV asking me to speak to her first if I needed help as she would then point me towards who she thought would be the most appropriate GP in the surgery for my issue, rather than just automatically send me to my own slightly insensitive GP. I always thought that sounded like a sensible approach.

You're doing really well to realise that this might be an extreme reaction and to reach out for help. Hope you can get on the road to recovery soon Flowers.

SisterMoonshine · 16/05/2017 21:18

I was a bit like this until DC passed the age to be out of the danger zone for cot death.

kiwichan00 · 16/05/2017 21:21

Hi love, you poor woman...yes I honestly think it's fairly normal to have unbelievable overwhelming fear- I remember looking at my firstborn and thinking "oh my Christ, I will live in fear for the rest of my life...!!" But you do get over that eventually. And I am a healthcare professional, used to work in neonatal itu, so every milk spot was meningitis, every nightmare he had was because someone had interfered with him somehow in the nanosecond I took my eyes off him, it's bloody exhausting,as if you didn't have enough to worry about what with the episiotomy stitches/cracked nipples/excruciating lack of sleep etc. Give yourself a break, see your gp and/ or health visitor, allow yourself to be reassured, and if it persists to the point you are hallucinating or want to just cry till you are a shrivelled husk, take the medication offered- its only for a short while, and actually babies are bloody resilient believe it or not. Good luck and congratulations on your gorgeous bundle. You will both be the most amazing team ( till they hit the teens)

elizabethdraper · 16/05/2017 21:23

I was /am like this with 3 year old, thought it was perfect normal tbh, I plan his funeral outfits and what I Will do after etcConfused

I wonder should I talk to someone. My husband just laughs at me

NoOneLikesACrispyTowel · 16/05/2017 21:39

OP I had this with my first baby. It absolutely takes over your life at the beginning it's really horrible.

It does ease as time goes on.

Congratulations. 😄

Original poster
SanitysSake · 16/05/2017 21:43

Ladies, your stories have made me feel SO MUCH BETTER. I thank you from the bottom of my heart x

I know I have issues. Was already put on A/D prior to her birth because of plethora of reasons, of which one, was the fact I was to become a Mum - when I had never planned it. Never wanted it. Just couldn't recognise I was going to grow a human.

Cue, through murphy's law, a horrendous birth.

She's here and I have this unending fear that because I never wanted children, that in some weird way, the powers that be will take her away now. Like some form of penance.

I hate myself daily because of it.

But she brings me so much joy. So So much Joy. I love her beyond measure.

I just look at her and think I don't deserve her. That life has been crap enough, that it would be the full circle if I lost her. Yes, I am alone in all this. I have a partner who has been amazing, but no family to speak of. Just failing, I guess. But then, after nights of sub 3 hours sleep, everyone thinks they're failing, don't they?

Like a previous poster, the HV came round today. Gave me the red book. I was fully dressed with makeup and hair and everything. When she was leaving, it took everything I had, even though she's awful, not to cling on to her. So so lonely.

Yes, GP visit required. x

OP posts:
PenguinFree · 16/05/2017 21:53

Hi
I also had the same but didn't have pnd. I was so scared and anxious
of my son dying that I wouldn't sleep. I think I was traumatised from the way my son came into the world. One minute I was at a regular appointment, next I briefly mentioned that my son wasn't moving so much and the nurse told me to go to triage immediately and after monitoring as there was still no movement, I was prepped for the next c section. It all happened so quickly.
Anyway I got through it as my husband took 5 months off work to take care of me and our son.
Good that you are getting help. Congrats on your newborn. Everything will be okay x

Helloitsme88 · 16/05/2017 21:54

Yes. I had the same. Please go and see a councillor

PovertyJetset · 16/05/2017 21:59

I remember the loneliness of what those early days were like.

Can you find a local baby group? I can't say I met life long friends there but they did help me pass the time, share some chit chat and give me something to do some days.

You'll feel better.