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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at this anniversary comment

75 replies

TheExtraGuineaPig · 16/05/2017 18:44

My stepmother (married my dad when I was in my 30s) has updated her Facebook status to say "thanks everyone for our anniversary messages. Not one". I'm fairly annoyed (have kept it light hearted and said Happy Anniversary) as it can only be aimed at a few people - she has no kids and my Dad has two of us.

Aibu to be annoyed? Are you supposed to remember other people's anniversaries? I guess if it was both parents I might be in the habit!

OP posts:

user1480459555 · 16/05/2017 20:01

They are celebrated in our family. I send cards to parents (married 64 years), sister (married 35 years), brother (married 33 years) and parents in law (married 65 years). Me and OH have been married 38 years and have always received cards from family

DarthMaiden · 16/05/2017 20:07

Have a great relationship with my DP's and in laws.

I've never sent an anniversary card to either. Neither have they in return.

I think it's a very personal thing between a couple to be honest.

The only exception is for something hugely special like a 50/60 year anniversary.

9 years - what does she want? A gold star?

Meh - I'd just ignore - especially when Facebook oh poor me I'm a fucking drama queen twattery is involved

Runzilla · 16/05/2017 20:10

It's my 'would-have-been' 25th anniversary today if my husband hadn't died 7 yrs ago. I am raising a glass to us both tonight, but would not lose sleep about dear family and friends forgetting. We all have busy lives and I often forget other people's milestone events. It doesn't mean I don't love or care for them though.

redshoeblueshoe · 16/05/2017 20:12

Run I'll raise a for you too.

I can barely remember my own let alone anyone else's.

KatharinaRosalie · 16/05/2017 20:13

Does she make a big deal out of your anniversary?

Runzilla · 16/05/2017 20:15

Thank you so much, redshoeblueshoe x

maddening · 16/05/2017 20:41

A - does she remember your anniversary?
B- when your dps were together did your family do them?

Original poster

TheExtraGuineaPig · 16/05/2017 20:49

And I will Runzilla... I hope today is ok for you x

Maddening

A - I really can't think - if she does maybe a text or FB message. She wasn't at our wedding as it was before she met my Dad but we were at theirs

B - they split when I was a teenager but I don't think so

I think Dad probably forgot (or maybe remembered but just didn't do anything- most likely) and she's all upset

OP posts:

Musicaltheatremum · 16/05/2017 21:09

Runzilla, I feel for you. My husband died 100 days before our 25th. We would have been 30 years this year.

Like you it doesn't bother me if people forget. I always remember my parents' anniversary and they will be celebrating 56 years this year!
My mother in law rubbed it in every year that she couldn't remember our anniversary as her husband died the day after our 3rd anniversary. Even now I couldnt let my grief overshadow any one else's happiness.

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 16/05/2017 22:10

I had to read it about five times to understand it. 🤦🏻‍♀️
Why would you remember it's to celebrate with your dh, not everyone else. What a drama queen!

WomblingThree · 16/05/2017 22:22

to Run and Musical. You have my sympathies.

Underthemoonlight · 16/05/2017 22:26

Our families only remember as it's our dd birthday

TroysMammy · 16/05/2017 22:26

Me and my dsis always give our parents an anniversary card. It's a few days after my dsis's birthday and a couple of weeks before our Dad's birthday. Nearly got caught out this year as we didn't realise it was their 50th until a week before.

OhhBetty · 16/05/2017 22:29

My grandparents only remembered their anniversary because my other grandparents called them to say happy anniversary! It was their 52nd

FreeSpiritJen · 16/05/2017 22:32

Soz I am thick...................

"thanks everyone for our anniversary messages. Not one"

What does that mean; not one?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 16/05/2017 22:40

Send her this...

To be annoyed at this anniversary comment

Ockljkclr · 16/05/2017 22:40

See, I read it differently, I kinda feel sorry for her, she has no children and her husbands children didn't remember the day she joined their family. Its v hard to become a step mum to any age kids, especially if u have none of your own. Were u not at their wedding? Was it not a huge day when your dad remarried? OK I do accept fb post was a bit public and silly, but I hate fb anyway lol

FreeSpiritJen · 16/05/2017 22:59

Oh, is she saying she got NOT ONE message? So like a sarcy message/post?

Original poster

TheExtraGuineaPig · 16/05/2017 23:03

FreeSpiritJen I think she means - "we didn't get any messages, not one"

ockcljkr - I think she must feel like this... although as lots of people have said it seems like a mismatch. I don't mark other people's anniversaries and maybe she does so to me she seems weird, and to her maybe we seem thoughtless or like we don't care.

As for when they got married it was a smallish wedding, this is going to sound bad but I think it was a bigger thing to her than to our family. I am not especially close to my Dad so maybe she has always wanted to be more "in" the family than she is. Also he is very unlikely to have marked the anniversary so that could be at the root of it, and that is a shame for her.

As for the Facebook thing... totally dickish.

OP posts:

FreeSpiritJen · 16/05/2017 23:07

Thanks guinea pig.

I guess people are entitled to feel peed off, but as many have said, an anniversary is really for just the 2 people involved.

My friend was very upset when her daughter forgot her 25th wedding anniversary about 5 years ago, but to be fair, her daughter lives 100 miles from her and has a bit of a busy career. I think it's coz it was her 25th that she was pissed off. Also, my friend comes from a generation when children bought their parents a card for their anniversary. So it did hurt her when the daughter didn't get her one.

Snide fb messages from a middle aged woman are pathetic though.

notangelinajolie · 16/05/2017 23:08

I have difficulty remembering my own 😊

altiara · 16/05/2017 23:11

I probably would've posted something like "oh dad, you are hopeless" as I would have assumed people in general don't remember anyone else's wedding anniversary. Unless you're invited to celebrate.

FreeSpiritJen · 16/05/2017 23:14

@altiara, it was the stepmother that posted it. The OP's dad's wife. Not the dad...

Ockljkclr · 16/05/2017 23:20

Op, I think that's it, she prob has had v few times where she was recognised as part of your family, u mentioned not being particularly close and it sounds like she felt over looked by all, including her hubby.

LanaDReye · 16/05/2017 23:26

It's pathetic to moan "oh poor me" over a wedding anniversary. I could understand birthdays, but why should you remember weddings?

Her husband was at the wedding he can remember it. Also, presumably she had close friends and members of her family there. I don't see why step-children are expected to take on the burden job. I'd plead completely ignorance next time, which is easy when she writes cryptic messages 😂

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