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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at this anniversary comment

75 replies

TheExtraGuineaPig · 16/05/2017 18:44

My stepmother (married my dad when I was in my 30s) has updated her Facebook status to say "thanks everyone for our anniversary messages. Not one". I'm fairly annoyed (have kept it light hearted and said Happy Anniversary) as it can only be aimed at a few people - she has no kids and my Dad has two of us.

Aibu to be annoyed? Are you supposed to remember other people's anniversaries? I guess if it was both parents I might be in the habit!

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 16/05/2017 19:09

She's acting like a 12 year old girl

I remember my parents anniversary (they're divorced so obviously don't celebrate!) but no one else's even if I was at the wedding

BackforGood · 16/05/2017 19:10

I'd have just ignored it, and not 'given in' to her daft posting. It annoys me when people use FB for that.
You are right, nobody is really expected to remember other people's anniversaries.

YellowDinosaur · 16/05/2017 19:11

She's just made herself look like a total twat with the passive aggressive Facebook nonsense. I think your 'happy anniversary' comment was spot on though and will really annoy her

OwlinaTree · 16/05/2017 19:11

I don't remember many. I send a first anniversary card to couples when we have attended the wedding. I would send a card for a big anniversary but would have to be reminded! I think she is being petty really.

ArcheryAnnie · 16/05/2017 19:12

The only time you acknowledge someone else's anniversary is if they throw a party because it's their 10th, or 50th or whatever. Otherwise it's weird. (Unless you are the mother of the couple.)

My parents are dead, and I have no bloody idea when their wedding anniversaries were.

ArcheryAnnie · 16/05/2017 19:12

...unless you are the mother of one of the people in the couple. Otherwise that would be even weirder....

wickedgamestoplay · 16/05/2017 19:13

The only person I expect to acknowledge my anniversary is my husband. Ignore. Maybe text your dad and say you didn't realise she was sensitive and wish them both happy anniversary.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 16/05/2017 19:14

We celebrate them - my parents and nan buy us a card and gift, and we return the favour for my parents. Wouldn't expect anyone else to remember though.

Chewbecca · 16/05/2017 19:14

Ridiculous!

EggysMom · 16/05/2017 19:15

It depends on what is important to that person, and on your relationship with them.

My parents expect me to remember and send a card for their anniversary, my Mum gets upset if I forget. It's a big deal to her.

My MIL doesn't even remember her son's birthday, let alone my or her grandson's birthdays. It's not a big deal in their family to forget.

TheAntiBoop · 16/05/2017 19:15

What does she do for your anniversaries?

redexpat · 16/05/2017 19:19

Definitely depends on the family. We celebrate PILs every year. Growing up my parents' anniversary was never mentioned unless it was a biggie like a silver. If she comes from one of the former then she probably thinks its normal.

I have one friend who is like this and always sends a card which is even more embarrassing when DH and I both forget!

FizzyGreenWater · 16/05/2017 19:20

'Oh! Happy Anniversary! You're right, we should totally do them from now on. Ours is on Xth of X :) '

GwenStaceyRocks · 16/05/2017 19:26

I agree with a PP that it depends on the family. We always celebrate them in our family. When it was my parents' anniversary we'd send a card, buy them a present and visit them. For siblings' anniversaries, we'd send a card.
If your stepmum has come from a family like our's then she probably thinks it's a snub that you don't acknowledge the anniversary at all.

ginswinger · 16/05/2017 19:26

Oddly, my mum and stepdad can't remember when their anniversary is. I emailed them last year to ask if they wanted to do anything for their 10th anniversary. They eventually replied and said nah, we're not that sure when it is and we can't find the certificate!

PuppyMonkey · 16/05/2017 19:30

I would have accidentally given it a "ha ha" emoji. Grin

nicknameofawesome · 16/05/2017 19:33

I think only the person you're married to has any responsibility to remember the anniversary. Surely?!

This. If someone posts an oh look it's my anniversary post I will say happy anniversary. I never remember anyone else's anniversary and I would never send a card to anyone else. Our parents sent a card the first year we were married. We found it weird as most years we haven't even sent each other a card...

Mummmy2017 · 16/05/2017 19:35

Tell your dad he needs to up his game if he forgot his own anniversary

Bluntness100 · 16/05/2017 19:39

Very strange in my view, I struggle to remember my own, genuinely, and often have to ask my husband how long we have been married. If someone else was wishing me happy anniversary I'd think they were rather stalkerish and to overly invested in my private life.

WomblingThree · 16/05/2017 19:50

I agree that anniversaries are really only a couple thing, but my mother is bloody obsessed with them. I swear she sends cards to everyone she has ever met 🙄.

She's already started going on about a relative's big anniversary, and reminding me to send a card (it's in August ffs). I'll never hear the last of it, so it's worth doing for a quiet life, but quite honestly I don't know why anyone would care apart from the couple.

GrumpyOldBag · 16/05/2017 19:50

Ha! This thread has just reminded me that our wedding anniversary was 2 days ago.

Forgotten by me & DH - and everyone else.

Really not a big deal ....

GrumpyOldBag · 16/05/2017 19:51

I can however always remember how many years we have been married. Because we got married in 2000 ....

mogloveseggs · 16/05/2017 19:53

Crikey I can't remember my own anniversary never mind anyone else's!

Ilikecheeriosyum · 16/05/2017 19:56

That is really wierd! why would anyone else even know when your anniversary is?!?!

Unless it's a big one like 10, 20, 25, 50 ect and only if you told someone that it was a big one and then we're celebrating with you would I expect a card or something!!

PorkyScratchings · 16/05/2017 19:58

I always remember my Mum and Dad's Anniversary because it's on Boxing Day but never remember my own! 😆