AIBU doing my brothers washing ?

[Sixmix]

Hello fellows

I have just had a blazing row with the DH.

I need to know AIBU.

Little history , my brother is single, has mental health issues, lives in bedsit, and doesn't have a washing machine.

Until 3 or 4 months ago he was taking his washing to a laundrette. Said laundrette has closed down leaving him with no laundrette in a 5 mile radius and no car.

So until he moves into accommodation with a washing machine our father normally does his washing for him ... my father goes away often so when he's away Iv been doing it. Iv done it twice in 3 months. And am due to do it tomorrow.

Myself , brother, DH and DD were going to go out for lunch tomorrow. I suggested to DH to do lunch at ours tomorrow instead (knowing I'll have to do the washing / drying ) while we eat lunch. He said why, I said as we will have to come back here so I can do his washing. The reply I got was "for f&ck sake why do we have to do his washing". I explained that he doesn't have a washing machine and no laundrette within 5 mile radius. He's now not talking to me.

I do all our washing at home and always in timely manner , so it's not as though I do my brothers and not ours.

AIBU?

You're lovely doing your brothers washing. I'd do the same for family if they needed it.

When I moved and there was an issue with my machine and no laundrette I used laundrapp, which was ace, but I imagine the cost is prohibitive for your brother.

Some have said IABU by doing his washing not just letting him come over and use mine. To be completely honest that's what I should do, especially if it's "regular" and not a one off, but with his Mh issues and all manner of other issues (he is a complex person!) it would take too long to explain to him how to use the washing machine, and by the time he came over again to do it he would have forgotten those instructions, so for ease I just bung them in myself I really don't see it as a hardship it takes seconds.
i actually don't mind doing laundry, I must be mad, and to be honest to take some time out to make sure he has a bag full of clean and dry clothes that Iv done for him actually makes me feel better for helping him.

Yes I think DH does see him as lazy / feckless , but DH doesn't understand the extent of his Mh issues. It's not just depression it's all manner of things he can't function like a normal person if me/our dad didn't prompt him to do his washing (and other basic things) he wouldn't do it. He'd walk around with filthy clothes on, not out of laziness, but because he wouldn't comprehend that it's not "socially acceptable "

You don't have a brother problem, you have a DH problem

Your DH is a twat who appears to have completely overlooked the contribution you make by running your home and looking after his DC in addition to working part time.

In any case, it costs pennies per load to run a washing machine. Driers aren't cheap to run but I would be surprised if it cost more than £1 to wash and dry a load of washing and even if you were doing a load per week for your DB, which sounds like a reasonable thing to do in the circumstances, it would probably be fairly trivial increase over the amount you do for a family anyway.

Maybe dh and db need a house swop?

Is this the last straw? You say you often go out with your brother and DH. I assume your DH is paying for your brother as well as giving his time. Your brother does socially unacceptable things, to the extent that he won't even wash so I can't imagine DH is having a brilliant time and these outings. If your DH started a thread here about his in-laws what would it say?

The house next door to mine is divided into 2 flats. The owner/landlord gave me a key so I could use the machine in the one of the flats which was between tenants at the time. I cleaned the kitchen for him as he refused to accept any payment. YANBU

Your DH is a cockwomble... I earn substantially less than my partner does too yet I have brought other peoples quilts up to the house to wash and dry for them (we have a 10kg washing machine, there's only two of us but I fucking love it). He never batted an eyelid at it and sure as hell never demanded I pay him more money to do it.

If your washing machine is relatively new its probably costing a pittance! Ours is 3 months old and claimed that for a family of 4 washgin twice a week it would cost approx £36 a year in electricity... Thats 34p a wash. Offer him the 34p and tell him to stop being an inconsiderate arse. Or if your in Scotland send your brothers washing to me.

I am pregnant and hormonal and grumpy today as it is so possibly getting angrier at this than I should

It's really nice of you to offer to do your brother's washing, and not his fault that he can't do it himself. Your DH is being a mean spirited nobhead. What if he found himself in your brother's situation, he would presumably expect some help from his loved ones? And if this is only the third time in a few months it's really not a big deal!

How many loads need doing? Could you do a load, go out for lunch when it's done and put another load on when you get home? (I realise it's apparently a fire risk to put on washing machines when you are out of the house etc)

Time to tell your miserable, selfish penny-pinching DH that if he's so keen on counting the pennies then you'll start, too.

He can expect an invoice for:

• childcare fees for every single minute you have your DD in your sole care within working hours
• cleaner fees for all the housework you do within normal working hours
• if he's late home/away with work/ any time you take on extra time with DD as childcarer because it is supporting him working , then it's double time.

You will no longer take on additional helping out tasks for him because he's out of the house and you aren't - that's not the new set-up - the new set-up is that just like him, you are working full time when you are at home with DD. So you won't be available to
-do HIS washing
-do more than 50% of cooking

• no lifts, extra shitwork, no taking over all homework or ferrying about unless paid for it, unless it is shared 50-50 with DH.

You will then contribute exactly 50% of yout total pay, once he has paid for the childcare he needs to work full time, into the joint account.

Suggest you try it for a month and he takes stock of 'his' bank balance after that :)

OP, I went out with a mierable chippy selfish bastard once upon a time. Nice guy, fucking twat about who owed what to who and how he was being taken advantage of if the slightest favour was asked. Massive issues for all sorts of reasons of course - god, if we so much as met twice in a row with friends in a place that was easier for THEM to get to, he'd be muttering about how they took his friendship for granted etc. Just couldn't get it. Wouldn't have dared ask him to help out one of my friends as a favour or something.

I left him!

Give your DP the 50p it will cost.
Then invoice him for all the hundreds of hours of childcare and housekeeping you do. Cleaners charge about £13 an hour round here so don't start less than that.

Twat.