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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU doing my brothers washing ?

63 replies

Sixmix · 16/05/2017 18:42

Hello fellows

I have just had a blazing row with the DH.

I need to know AIBU.

Little history , my brother is single, has mental health issues, lives in bedsit, and doesn't have a washing machine.

Until 3 or 4 months ago he was taking his washing to a laundrette. Said laundrette has closed down leaving him with no laundrette in a 5 mile radius and no car.

So until he moves into accommodation with a washing machine our father normally does his washing for him ... my father goes away often so when he's away Iv been doing it. Iv done it twice in 3 months. And am due to do it tomorrow.

Myself , brother, DH and DD were going to go out for lunch tomorrow. I suggested to DH to do lunch at ours tomorrow instead (knowing I'll have to do the washing / drying ) while we eat lunch. He said why, I said as we will have to come back here so I can do his washing. The reply I got was "for f&ck sake why do we have to do his washing". I explained that he doesn't have a washing machine and no laundrette within 5 mile radius. He's now not talking to me.

I do all our washing at home and always in timely manner , so it's not as though I do my brothers and not ours.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WashBasketsAreUs · 16/05/2017 19:44

Whenever my washing machine has gone wrong, I've had loads of my friends offering to do my washing. I've offered to pay them but they have never wanted me to. Conversely if any of my friends were in the same position ( and they have been) I've done theirs. Same for family. In fact i did my daughter's, her hubby 's and their little one's for a while. That's what families do. He's an arse.

Original poster
Sixmix · 16/05/2017 19:45

Tbh I'm starting to wonder that too DarthMaiden.

I know it's not HiS brother , and due to his MH issues he can be a bit much sometimes , but he's my brother he has literally nothing to his name. DH has a well paid job and we have a lovely home , and he's begrudging me doing some washing for him. He's quite happy for me to do his washing Hmm I'm totally infuriated. If that is a word

OP posts:
tissuesosoft · 16/05/2017 19:45

I would stop doing your DH's washing- point out you don't work part time to take care of him. He sounds like an arsehole!

Original poster
Sixmix · 16/05/2017 19:48

Catcatcatcat generally he is nice to me , but there have been past issues with famity where we have had crossed words over. I think he's a misanthrope. Or just a bastard.

OP posts:
nicknameofawesome · 16/05/2017 19:49

Wow apparently doing something kind for your brother has shown you what a selfish arsehole your DH is. You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

Handsup · 16/05/2017 19:50

He sounds like a spiteful bloke frankly.

ohfourfoxache · 16/05/2017 19:54

Why on earth are you with this fuckwit?

Original poster
Sixmix · 16/05/2017 19:55

Thanks for your replies mumsnetters.

He's so overreacting about this that the weakness in me has thought yeh DH does work hard and pays more than I do to the upkeep of the house and perhaps IABU and should tell brother to go to a laundrette. But no, fuck DH I'm doing my brothers washing, I might even make him a fucking lasagne to take away with him too now Halo

OP posts:
JakeBallardswife · 16/05/2017 19:55

Twice in 3 months is hardly a lot washing wise. He really is being a twat isn't he?! DH that is!

isadoradancing123 · 16/05/2017 19:55

Your DH is being totally unreasonable

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 16/05/2017 19:56

YANBU but H is being a twat.

mygorgeousmilo · 16/05/2017 20:00

Twice in three months, and you earn less than him because you are looking after your child! What a pig. As pp have said, it's an absolute nightmare not having laundry facilities, most people would be happy to do laundry for friends or relatives, or have been able to use friends' machines in the same way of theirs has broken down. It's just normal... Particularly considering your brother's mental health condition, it's particularly outrageous that he's kicking off!

FetchezLaVache · 16/05/2017 20:10

Wow - so not only does he begrudge doing a couple of loads of washing for a family member, he's turning it into grounds for you to contribute more to the household pot!

This lack of generosity of spirit is a highly unattractive trait, OP. I'm sorry. Doesn't sound likely that he'll back down, though.

BarbarianMum · 16/05/2017 20:58

Twice in 3 months and he's making a fuss! That really is pathetic. How much are you going to charge him for the childcare/housework/laundry/ cooking you do for him? You can use the money he ays you to top up the joint account.

ohfourfoxache · 16/05/2017 23:09

If he's always so controlling and selfish, it might be an idea to get this thread shifted to relationships....

.......lots of support and advice available there Thanks

QueenOfFlatShoes · 17/05/2017 00:21

YANBU. I have a brother with MH issues who lives in a supported environment, but with unsatisfactory laundry facilities.
I do his washing AND ironing every week (it's only a couple of loads and a half hour or so of ironing I can do watching telly)
My DH doesn't see it as being worthy of comment, or indeed any of his business.
Your DH sounds mean-spirited at best.

emmyrose2000 · 17/05/2017 06:15

YANBU

It's very kind of you to help your brother out in this way. Your husband is being ridiculous regarding the cost. The cost of doing a few extra loads of laundry would be so minuscule as to not even bother working out financially. If my family member or in-law needed help in this way, finances wouldn't even come into it.

However, I wouldn't plan my day around doing the laundry, mine or anyone else's.

Is there something else going on with your DH? His reaction seems rather over the top.

Brittbugs80 · 17/05/2017 07:37

Yanbu. Your DH is though.

Tell him to work out the exact cost of one load of washing and you pay him that if it makes him feel better to receive a few extra pence.

I'd actually be tempted to miss the lunch. What he doesn't spend on lunch for you can recompense him for your brother's use of the washing machine.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/05/2017 08:03

I'd go out for lunch with your brother and not your arsehole of a husband.

blackteasplease · 17/05/2017 08:11

Your h is bvu. Acting like a really horrible person. Perhaps he is one.

EBearhug · 17/05/2017 08:14

If you can't afford to run a couple of extra loads of washing, you can't really afford to go out for lunch, either.

Is there anything else going on? It seems an awful over-reaction to a bit of laundry. I agree with PPs that life without washing facilities is a right drag - whenever I used to look for somewhere to rent, it had to be within easy walking distance of the laundrette, or have a washing machine, and it was the number one consideration before anything else.

JeffJarrett · 17/05/2017 08:20

Wow. He really does sound like a massive selfish prick.

You sound lovely and very kind helping out your brother, who isn't taking the piss in the slightest. Sounds to me like you both deserve better.

I hope he enjoys his lasagne Smile

VerySadInside · 17/05/2017 08:46

Sounds like it's the last straw. Has your brother been a bit feckless in the past? Does DH see him as lazy when he himself woks hard to support his family?

YABU to do his washing. Yanbu to let him borrow your washing machine.

BumWad · 17/05/2017 08:49

YANBU you sound like a lovely sister

stitchglitched · 17/05/2017 08:54

YANBU. Does your H even care about the washing or is this just an excuse to lay into you about something?