To be shocked at how many people don't understand how soul destroying being unemployed is

[daisychainnn]

I've been unemployed a year now (although I had a good interview last week so fingers crossed).

Some of my friends are sick of hearing me discuss my job hunting problems and have lost contact.

The friends I do have think I'm lucky to be able to stay at home all day looking after my Son.

My parents think it's 'for the best' that I don't work for now as I don't have to go back to work until my Son is 5 (income support).

Apart from my friends who have also suffered unemployment, no one seems to have the remotest idea of what unemployment actually means.

It means poverty and isolation and boredom. It's destroyed my self esteem, my confidence, my identity. I feel so bored I spend each day just trying to get through it and actually look forward to job interviews as it's a reason to get dressed up!

I am sure I got the job I interviewed for as my Manager has sent my a text saying congratulations on the new job and he's the hiring managers best friends. Even if I don't, I have excellent experience and get interviews for everything I apply for in my field. So soon a job will come my way. But for those who aren't as employed it must be even more horrendous.

AIBU to think some people have a complete and utter lack of awareness of the awful impact unemployment leaves on a person. The soul destroying nature of it. No one is lucky to be unemployed.

My Mum was a housewife her whole life and loved it. But that's different she has a partner for emotional and financial support. I do not.

AIBU?

My mistake, it says 'soul destroying'

Don't be so stupid lola. It's not a bloody game of top trumps. OP is perfectly entitled to feel as she does. I've been out of work for years becayse of disability, it is fucking soul destroying. I'm looking for a job now and find I'm getting very down about it as it's so difficult.

OP, I'm confused though. You say you are unemployed but your manager texted you. How do you have a manager if you are unemployed?

@mygastisflabbered yes, seriously. You can't complain that nobody knows what it's like to be you unless you also want to know what it's like to be them. It's just selfishness.

The OP could be using this time to make herself less unemployable if she really wanted. She just wants sympathy for being "bored". You can give her sympathy if you like, but most people see it for what it is.

I think MyPatronus summed it up perfectly.

I don't claim to know how someone else feels but then if I don't know I don't make bloody stupid comments about their situation.

Well @mygastisflabbered don't complain they don't know how you feel then

nelipotter has it I think.

People in shitty jobs look at the people who aren't in work with envy.

Not realising that the unemployed envy them.

It is soul destroying looking for jobs, tailoring the CV, writing cover letters, getting thrm reviewed and sending them off to hear nothing back.

And repeat.

In a little under a year, I put in 300 job applications and got 2 interviews.

I was told that was a good strike rate.

So no, OP. YADNBU

Well split hairs if it makes you feel better Lolalament but this is seriously missing the point. I wasn't actually complaining that people don't know how it feels, I was objecting more to people giving bloody stupid advice. Before you quote me I can't remember exactly what I've posted but that's the gist of what I'm saying.

It is soul destroying looking for jobs, tailoring the CV, writing cover letters, getting thrm reviewed and sending them off to hear nothing back

This.

And then being told we have low unemployment.

Oh really Lola? You can get all of that from a few posts on here? Wow. Do please enlighten me...

P.S. I never claimed to be bored, I think you might have me confused with the OP.

And yes, even I'm employed! That shows there really must be something wrong with you

I guess you work for the Daily Mail with an attitude like that

Yeah that's an incredibly insensitive comment to make, even with the little smiley face at the end to show it's only a joke. No doubt now I'll be accused of having no sense of humour either.

YANBU.

I think people saying "don't be bored! Do things!" are missing the deep impact of depression, which is an incredibly well-known result of unemployment.

Most people go through a wave in the first few months of "Ah, a holiday! I'll write a book! Paint the house! Join a club!" ... And then the months tick by and by.

Limited social contact. Little money. No ostensible purpose or function in society. Feeling like a waste of space. No structure to the days, no one noticing or caring if you sink or swim. Feeling that you're more unemployable by the day because employers will wonder why you've had such a big gap. Hearing criticism of unemployed people. Being rejected with every application form that doesn't succeed and you know it's not personal but that doesn't make it feel better.

You're still you but you're also not - the book stays unwritten; the house is half done; the club is too much effort. And now you've failed at that stuff too. If you're lucky you get clinical help but that takes months to help and you might need to switch pills several times.

Meanwhile many people who sink into depression struggle with getting up, washed, and through the day.

So ... learn a language? Be upbeat? Count your blessings and don't you dare ask me for sympathy - really? That's the level of empathy some people can muster? That's absolutely shitty. Really, thoroughly shitty of you and nothing you say will make me think anything different.

This kind of reminds me of what somebody said at a conference a few years ago on disability and employment. Many employers were asking why people with disabilities wanted to work when they didn't have to???

I have a disability and I started my own small organization, it would have been almost impossible to find productive employment in the sector I was looking for. I can do a lot of work online and from home, but I get bored so easily. A lot of us started our own Skype Group and we teach each other languages or guide each other on how to cook, etc. Many of my friends who are unemployed read a lot or go online. But unfortunately there is a lack of empathy among people with disabilities A lot of the time and those who are employed look down on those who aren't.

I've been there OP. It's crushing getting rejection after rejection or no response at all having spent hours applying for work. It's depressing having to remind your mates for the tenth time you can't come out because you can't afford it and they always forget anyway. I was never unemployed with a child and I can't imagine how hard that is. I hope so much things change soon.

I think working sucks. At least most jobs I've ever had, though may be I was working in a field that did not suit me. Most of the employers I had were totally up themselves and had no sense of human dignity. And quite alot of the people I worked with too! But I know some people have to be out and about doing things and being with people.

At the moment I do voluntary work as much as I can but am very limited in terms of full-time employment, because of my poor health. But I don't miss "having a job" as such, though it does mean people look down on me.

However, if I was younger I might feel it more keenly. And of course the rejection can be pretty rough. Please focus on your self-esteem OP. You are more than any employer (who doesn't even know you) thinks of you.

*You are worth more.

YANBU. Its one reason I'm in favour of Citizens Wage. the other being it gets rid of the cuntish attitude towards the unemployed.

www.theguardian.com/world/2017/jan/03/finland-trials-basic-income-for-unemployed

I was unemployed for 8 months I hated every second of it every day was like groundhog day I spent every day applying for jobs that I wasn't even qualified to do just in the hopes that someone would give me a job the constant knock backs are soul destroying.

I've stopped telling my DH I'm applying for jobs. He thinks I'm happy being a SAHM. He doesn't realise I'm starting to feel depressed about the situation.

YA so NBU. The only time I have been depressed was when I was unemployed. It wasn't even that long. But it was soul destroying.

I'm feeling a bit down now that I've applied for a few jobs within my company, with a good cv and excellent experience and haven't even got an interview. Big difference though obviously.