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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be shocked at how many people don't understand how soul destroying being unemployed is

74 replies

daisychainnn · 15/05/2017 15:00

I've been unemployed a year now (although I had a good interview last week so fingers crossed).

Some of my friends are sick of hearing me discuss my job hunting problems and have lost contact.

The friends I do have think I'm lucky to be able to stay at home all day looking after my Son.

My parents think it's 'for the best' that I don't work for now as I don't have to go back to work until my Son is 5 (income support).

Apart from my friends who have also suffered unemployment, no one seems to have the remotest idea of what unemployment actually means.

It means poverty and isolation and boredom. It's destroyed my self esteem, my confidence, my identity. I feel so bored I spend each day just trying to get through it and actually look forward to job interviews as it's a reason to get dressed up!

I am sure I got the job I interviewed for as my Manager has sent my a text saying congratulations on the new job and he's the hiring managers best friends. Even if I don't, I have excellent experience and get interviews for everything I apply for in my field. So soon a job will come my way. But for those who aren't as employed it must be even more horrendous.

AIBU to think some people have a complete and utter lack of awareness of the awful impact unemployment leaves on a person. The soul destroying nature of it. No one is lucky to be unemployed.

My Mum was a housewife her whole life and loved it. But that's different she has a partner for emotional and financial support. I do not.

AIBU?

OP posts:

gottariskitforabiscuit · 15/05/2017 17:13

** as it's not worth the stress... Stupid phone lol

Babyblues14 · 15/05/2017 17:22

Agreed. I know I would go crazy at home if I didn't work. Currently 22 weeks pregnant and sick of people saying I shouldn't be working and tutting when I say I'm going back to work after baby comes.
Like they see it as some kind of life sentence to never be independent after giving birth.
I dont dislike people who can't find work, I dislike the ones who dont want to. I just dont understand why you would not want a job, some days I actually look forward to going in
Lots of luck for the interview xx

IonaNE · 15/05/2017 17:24

YABU. Why are you bored? Read a book, learn a foreign language, write a book, learn a musical instrument, write a book, compose music, write poetry, draw, listen to audiobooks... etc. And why does it make you feel isolated? Make friends in the park, wherever you take your DC, etc.

wonderingsoul · 15/05/2017 17:27

Ynbu att all it really is soul destroying.

After many mnay Many attempts i finally managed to land a job cleaning the local town toilets.. shits daily any where but the toilet and picking up needles... but inwas so fucking chuffed and excited to start working.

Thankfully im in a job..well carear now doing what i love along side studying but it took a lot to get here.

It destroys your soul not be able to work but wanting to.

Good luck for your job fingners crossed x

Babyblues14 · 15/05/2017 17:33

Ionane
Having a DC doesn't guarantee you can easy ticket to making friends.
And the OP doesn't want to read or write a book or learn a different language, she wants a career for herself. Something to occupy her mind, something for herself

redexpat · 15/05/2017 17:33

I think if you are someone who works to live then youre not as hard hit as someone who lives to work. If you take pride in your job then it becomes part of your identity. It is really hard when you lose this. The year after I graduated was the worst of my life. I had believed everything about graduates from my uni bring sought after. I had such a great cv because I had always been active. I didnt get an interview all year. Its horrid and I hope you get something soon

robofish · 15/05/2017 17:34

I think it depends on your own experience of it. I claimed IS when my dd was little as a single mum and personally I did appreciate the time at home spent looking after her. I was never bored or lonely as I had her to keep me busy! I didn't try to look for work until she was settled in school as it didn't seem worth the stress of dealing with childcare. Yes I was poor but in some ways I was lucky as my rent was cheap (council flat) and there were lots of free local activities, and I had extra top ups due to health issues. I didn't particularly want a job at that time as my dd and finding ways to stretch out my income took up all my time. I am quite a homebody and don't need much social interaction.

When I decided to return to work I found it better to return to study first, because then I had a better CV and could aim for graduate jobs otherwise I would be stuck on minimum wage.

Beelzebop · 15/05/2017 17:36

IonaNE, wise up. Have you ever been unemployed and broke?

starsinspring · 15/05/2017 17:37

I sympathise, OP.

What Iona is missing is the distinction between things to do, and having a purpose and a structure to your days.

Original poster

daisychainnn · 15/05/2017 17:38

robofish I think if I lived near my parents I might feel more like this. I don't so have no social interaction. I also don't find my Son company really. I love him, but need adult company to feel less lonely.

OP posts:

KarmaNoMore · 15/05/2017 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WinchestersInATardis · 15/05/2017 18:34

I agree 100% OP. It's damned hard, especially when money is tight and you're desperate for any job. Awful.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 15/05/2017 18:35

I've never had trouble finding a job, until now when I really, REALLY need one. I keep getting told I interviewed really well but wasn't quite the right person for the job. I can't even build on that feedback. And when you keep being told you're not the right person it's hard not to take it personally. And don't even get me started on fucking job centre meetings. I'm on income support (DS2 is under 5) but I still have to waste time talking to someone who clearly doesn't have a fucking clue what it's like to be out of work.

PeanutButterBunny · 15/05/2017 19:45

Definitely YANBU. I'm in a good place now career wise but I was in depression when I was jobless. I felt worthless everyday until I decided to just do it and dont over think about my fear of rejection. Never look back now. Best thing I have ever done. Good luck with your job offer OP.

KarmaNoMore · 15/05/2017 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IonaNE · 15/05/2017 20:04

the OP doesn't want to read or write a book or learn a different language, she wants a career for herself. Something to occupy her mind, something for herself
She asked for things to do because she was bored. Read her original post.

IonaNE, wise up. Have you ever been unemployed and broke?
Yes. And I did a lot of the things I listed above. I also exercised (went for runs in the street, before anyone accuses me of gym fees...).

IpnaNE I'm trying to laugh but what a stupid post...How do you think an unemployed person can pay for a book, language lessons and all those niceties
KarmaNoMore, I am trying to laugh, but what a stupid idea that you need to pay for lessons to learn a language... especially when you have internet (as the OP obviously does). How many languages do you speak? And I did not suggest she pay for a book, I suggested she write one.

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses · 15/05/2017 20:25

YANBU - I've been out of work twice. Once I was medically "retired" for 2 months as I couldnt' work and then last year I was redundant for 6 months.

Both times have been horrendous. Absolutely.

JanetBrown2015 · 15/05/2017 20:49

I worked until I went into labour and was back 2 weeks later full time! So I am with you there - never give up work.
On books if there is a local library someone can borrow them for no charge so lack of money should not be a problem there as long as you can walk to a library.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 15/05/2017 21:39

IonaNE you've obviously not experienced the soul crushing depression that can accompany unemployment. Some days I can barely drag myself out on the school run let alone run, read, learn a language. Until you learn some empathy may I politely suggest you FOTTFSOF.

Orlantina · 15/05/2017 21:47

IoneNE

Yes, it does sound great. Spend the time unemployed being productive. Learn new skills, Exercise, Cook.

But it can be so hard when you're unemployed. It's a whole mindset thing - and when you're worried about food, money, bills - the basics, doing that stuff is hard.

Motivation goes.

I'm sure you know that. But constant rejection has a real effect on you. Self esteem and identity.

user1487175389 · 15/05/2017 21:53

Yanbu. I feel exactly the same. I had an epiphany of sorts a few months back, when I asked the organisation I'd been volunteering for to provide a reference and they said no. There was no reason, I'd worked bloody hard and got on really well whilst there.

Anyway, my epiphany was that no-one is going to give me a chance, or even a helping hand at 36 as a single parent, and that if I want to get off income support I'm going to have to find a way to employ myself and be my own boss.

lolalament · 15/05/2017 21:55

YABU.

Everyone has reasons to be unhappy. You probably have no idea what it's like to work 60+ hours a week, or to have to miss parents evening and school plays. You won't know what it's like to have a disability or to have lost a partner. You've probably not even been homeless.

Nobody can experience everything. It would be ridiculous to expect everyone to know how everyone else feels in every situation. Stop being so selfish. Do you know how their life feels?!

MyGastIsFlabbered · 15/05/2017 21:58

Lolalament SERIOUSLY???

IonaNE · 15/05/2017 21:59

IonaNE you've obviously not experienced the soul crushing depression that can accompany unemployment
I was unemployed for only a few months and you are right, I wasn't depressed (my self-esteem isn't tied to employment or work).

Until you learn some empathy
I'm sorry, MyGastIsFlabbered, but I don't think it's lack of empathy to suggest to someone who complains of being bored (which is what the original post is about) to do things. The op was not complaining about being depressed - in which case the thread would have been in Mental Health anyway.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 15/05/2017 22:01

I think the clue was in the thread title, you know where it mentions soul crushing??

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