Mums tell off their kids!

[ummmmmokthen]

Had a visit of a very close friend yesterday our children a year apart (hers older) and as soon as he got here he was snatching toys of my very quiet and timid dd, he was climbing on my windows opening them I was saying don't do that as dd will copy and it's dangerous. Then started throwing and broke one of dd toys leaving her in tears many times smacking her away from her toys and at one point kicked her in the stomach when she tried getting her toy back, all of this time mum occasionally shouted no while on her phone. I understand some kids can be sly naughty but my dd was just staring at him bewildered and looking at me.

They left not long later her ds kicking my doors all the way through the hall.

She has just text asking to come round... I have to say I'm busy.

Is she a close friend? I'd be honest with a claps friend.

I'd reply to her message

Actually dd is quite upset as the last visit she got hurt and her toys got broken. I think it's best we knock these visits on the head until she's a bit older or until you start disciplining your son.

Close* not claps

I think I'd have been tempted to ask her why she had come round if she just wanted to sit on Facebook all the time.

Yes, you're busy. Forever. You say she's a 'very close friend'? Why? She sounds all round awful.

how old are the kids?
I would just not have her round again.

It sounds as though you did all you could by moving her away and telling him no. There is only so much you can do in terms of disciplining another person's child when they are sitting there. Not like you could put him in a time out. I would just avoid her forever as she obvs doesn't care what her kid is doing. Mine would never get away with that behaviour and if they were going round kicking doors and spitting I would be mortified, not ignoring it!!

Fuck that, I can't stand spending time with friends who sit there glued to their phones. If my company isn't enough fuck off!
Awful parenting too, what sort of example is she setting?

YANBU to not want this kid round again but YABU if this friend is as close as you say you are, and you let them get away with it.

You should be able to say "Sorry, that is just not going to be possible. Little Johnny really upset DD today - the snatching, the hurting her, the breaking of her toys - so I don't think they are a good fit for playdates, especially since you ignored both his behaviour, and me, in favour of your phone for the entire playdate."

Why would you let your DD be so disrespected and hurt so badly by another child, in her own home and say nothing? I get not wanting to parent other people's children, especially when they're right there, but you could have nipped this in the bud. Even if your friend didn't see what was happening you could have dealt with the immediate issue of her DS' behaviour and then asked her to keep a better eye on him.

"Johnny, do not hurt DD. Stop that now. Friend, can you please speak with your son, I've just seen him force my daughter's hand open to forcibly take her toy from her and he's really hurt her"

If she doesn't respond or do anything beyond shout no at her son, that's the point where you say "OK, this isn't working, neither of you are respecting me, my DD or my home so it's time for you two to leave."

I would be open and honest about it to avoid tricky situations in the future.

She sounds very rude ummm I don't think I'd be bothered about making a future arrangement.

However you can actually tell other people's children off without an argument.

Don't shout at them, use a very firm tone, (with a smile) and maintain eye contact.

It's very difficult to challenge the person whose house you are sitting in if they are nicely and firmly telling your child not to destroy their home/hurt their child/spit on their carpet (mind boggles at that one).

Don't say "don't do that DD will copy" say "that is not acceptable behaviour in this house".

So basically she was using you for free childcare so she could FB? Big load of NOPE from me!

It's a choice between continually making excuses until she 'gets the message' or being honest and saying "Last time you were here you spent the entire time on your phone. Your DS upset my DD, broke her toys, and wrecked my house. My friendship obviously doesn't mean that much to you for you to treat me and mine so disrespectfully".

Sounds like you did a very good and patient job while their mother totally checked out! I would either avoid from now on, or say your dc hurt my dd last time they got together, he kicked her I think, with that and the spitting, I'm not sure how well they will hit it off for play dates and things.

If she steps up a bit and takes on board she needs to monitor them properly, or if she shrugs it off you can move on!

just say NO! She's rude and raising a badly behaved child -

Has she other friends???

I would say the poor wee child is misbehaving because it is the only hope he has of getting his mother's attention and even that seems to be a vain one.

Even without the children in the mix, I couldn't be bothered with a visitor who spent their entire visit on facebook.

He would have got a damn site more than being told no and it would reach dd bad things in my house OP.

At the very least he would have had the toys taken off him and put on the naughty step. But I don't have much patience for kids who don't behave and even less for parents who can't discipline their little cherubs.

I would maybe say she is welcome. It she outs her phone away and deals with her own childif she was a close friend. If not close, then I would be telling her the truth I am afraid.

Omg my SIL does this. I love my nephew deadly but he comes in here and trashes the place, breaks DDs toys etc while she sits on her phone paying no attention whatsoever.

She is also the type to throw a major huff if I told him off. So for the sake of family harmony its easier to keep it all light hearted.

I no longer have them round here. She's just using me for an hour of free childcare. Im eight months pregnant fgs. No more.

Odd friend to come over and not talk to you. How long have you known her? I would have been fuming.

If you want to be tactful, you could say something like "the children didn't seem to click well last time, it may be better to meet up when it's just us"

Thanks all, I will definitely be avoiding them from now on. Regarding her phone I think she is like it everywhere, could barely speak to her. At one point her ds really pulled her hair and I thought maybe she'd of got of it then and tell him but she just let out a very loud "Owww" and said "you don't bloody do that". My dd came running to me scared I don't think he is the right play mate for her.

I've occasionally used the 'this is my house and my rules apply' line. This was to MiL when my youngest SiL was 4 or 5. She still doesn't like me 10 years later as apparently I'm the only person that's ever told her off.

She's not your friend and her kids aren't playmates.

Don't worry about offending her because it doesn't matter based on those two facts.

If she's a close friend it seems a shame to bin her just because of this. Is it possible to meet her without them? course if she stays on the phone again, then there's not much pleasure in seeing her

I have no issues telling other kids off,especially in my own home. I don't care if they're on their own,or have their whole family and ancestors from ape to cyborg with them. I've told kids no,told them off,counted to 3, asked them to sit by me for a few mins etc. I have very few rules,but the ones i do have(mainly dont kill yourself or anyone else) I enforce.

It is her behaviour that is creating his problems, poor kid. She needs to start parenting.