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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Don't want collegue holding baby

69 replies

CabbagePatchKid91 · 14/05/2017 14:58

DD is just over three weeks old. I want to take her into work to show her off and let my class see her (NOT TOUCH). I don't mind other adults holding her at all. BUT my the lady who was my teaching assistant is a big time smoker. My dad also smokes and I have no issue with it in general. But my dad changes clothes before holding DD if he has had a cigarette. I know my former TA will say something about cuddling the baby and I feel anxious about this. I have no issue with any of my other friends at work holding her as none of them smoke but feel it would be mean if I let some hold her and not one person. Any advice on what I can say to my former TA would be appreciated.

OP posts:

raviolidreaming · 14/05/2017 16:30

To be fair to OP, she is likely following advice. My health visitor and the midwives all lectured about the dangers of third hand smoke and a link to SIDS and how any smokers should change their clothes and wash their hands before holding a baby. It's all very well to say that OP should work on her anxiety, but if that's the advice she's been consistently then it's difficult to ignore.

Clawdy · 14/05/2017 16:33

You would be better not going at the moment. However you try to explain to the TA, she will be embarrassed and hurt, depends if that bothers you, I guess.

ilovesooty · 14/05/2017 16:33

I agree with the post from user. I can't imagine how it benefits the school to disrupt learning by taking your child in.

Cantusethatname · 14/05/2017 16:37

If she's embarrassed and hurt maybe she needs to think about how she presents herself to others. Back to not smoking during the working day.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/05/2017 16:38

You can't single one person out, op.
Also you don't know. It could work the other way. She might be stone faced and not be interested in the baby.

PersianCatLady · 14/05/2017 16:48

I can't imagine how it benefits the school to disrupt learning by taking your child in
Exactly and do you really want to expose your baby to germs from 40 kids.

Depending on the age of the children they might not be particularly interested in seeing the baby anyway.

Medeci · 14/05/2017 16:51

Can't think of a more buggy place than a school for a 3 wk old baby if you're PFB inclined.
Being held by a smoker should be the least of your worries. Imagine all the threadworm eggs and head lice wafting about, not to mention children picking their noses before touching your baby

ilovesooty · 14/05/2017 16:56

The OP had already said her class could look but not touch. However I don't see that taking the baby in is in anyone's interests.

LaLegue · 14/05/2017 16:59

My DS hates a particular smoking TA helping him as he says she stinks. He puts his arm round his work and curls himself away to get as far away as possible from her.

cantuse That is the reaction I always had to smokers as a child, I detested it and felt trapped and revolted when I was made to be in close proximity to a smoker and couldn't escape, especially from their breath.

I have always really felt sorry for babies who are kissed and breathed all over by smokers, knowing they are too small to get away or speak up if they are uncomfortable.

However, in spite of that I advised the OP to let the TA hold her briefly, (assuming she hadn't just literally had a cigarette) mainly because I would not want to appear rude or confrontational about what is a relatively small thing to allow for just a few moments.

I suppose I was conditioned by my parents for years to 'stop making a silly fuss' and not to embarrass or confront smokers to their faces about how I really felt. But the more I think about it the more I think you are right. Smokers know it's anti-social, unpleasant and unhealthy to be around. If they can't take it on the chin that someone might not want them to hold their baby because of current advice then perhaps they should think about giving up, not feeling sorry for themselves that others won't indulge them out of a sense of pity or embarrassment.

NotYoda · 14/05/2017 17:01

user

Teachers bring their babies in because the children they used to teach love to see them and many of them are interested in babies. When teachers at our school come in, many of the children are excited to see them

Is this surprising to you?

MudCity · 14/05/2017 17:02

Don't take the baby in OP. The whole thing is clearly making you anxious and, like others have already said. I doubt your class or any of the staff are the slightest bit interested (I hate it when people bring their children into work...it disrupts the day and no-one quite knows what to say)....

NotYoda · 14/05/2017 17:02

.... this baby is too young, though, as I mentioned

NotYoda · 14/05/2017 17:02

Mud

Do you work in a school?

Fluffyyellowone · 14/05/2017 17:02

3 weeks old is tiny, I wouldn't want to expose such a young baby to a class room full of children, germy as they are. leave it a while

DissonantInterval · 14/05/2017 17:05

I would also wait till she was a bit older. 3 weeks is very tiny.

In a month or so DD will look more 'substantial iykwim and you will hopefully feel a bit more comfortable about taking her in for a visit. I do agree that a smoker holding her for a few minutes will not make her more vulnerable to SIDS. The amount of 'passive smoking' she will do by being near her will be so minimal it will be virtually off the scale I imagine.

Congratulations on your new DD .

NuffSaidSam · 14/05/2017 17:09

I don't think the risk from the smokey TA holding her is going to be higher than the risk from your Dad holding her, from the germy DC breathing over her, from the other staff who have been in close contact with said germy kids or who might have stuff on their clothes/be coming down with something/have something holding her.

It's your baby, your choice. But it's not a choice based on an accurate risk assessment. Maybe just wait until she's bigger?

TheMysteriousJackelope · 14/05/2017 17:12

Smoke is the least of your worries. Schools are a hot bed of germs and newborns can get very sick, very fast (and get better just as fast after giving their parents heart attacks with worry).

If you wait until next term she'll be much more interactive with the children. Newborns are cute but pretty boring imo.

theclick · 14/05/2017 18:09

Well don't take her in now. 3 weeks is very early to take a new born in to your work place! People at mine wait a good few months.

starsinspring · 14/05/2017 18:55

I think if you want to take your baby in, do.

If you don't want to, because of internal politics, don't. Your class will be fine. Really, it sounds like you're trying to kick up a fuss over nothing.

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