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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask DP to look after DD so I can go to guitar lessons?

33 replies

user1494761641 · 14/05/2017 12:43

I work part-time - Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I look after DD Tuesday and Thursday (on my own) and we both look after her at the weekend... She goes to nursery on the other days. I have just booked a term of guitar lessons (it's for an hour on a Thursday) and I've asked if he could have her on his own after work. He says it's unfair because we have both worked that day, so he gets extra when he gets home Hmm

AIBU?

OP posts:
Kennethwasmyfriend · 14/05/2017 12:45

It is very VERY important that fathers spend time in sole charge of
their children.

TheGreyBlock · 14/05/2017 12:45

YANBU.

You know you aren't.

Your DP is being ridiculous.

harderandharder2breathe · 14/05/2017 12:51

Father looks after own child shouldn't be groundbreaking

He needs to get a grip and be a parent

Original poster
user1494761641 · 14/05/2017 12:51

I didn't think I was, but then he had a point about how we had both been working and then he has to do 'extra'...

OP posts:
Afterthestorm · 14/05/2017 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

momgusset · 14/05/2017 12:52

Tell him if he doesn't cooperate you'll teach yourself the bagpipes off a YouTube video

HumphreyCobblers · 14/05/2017 12:54

jesus, that is awfully irritating.

Parents are expected to parent when necessary, not divvy up their responsibilities like kids sharing out a packet of sweets.

purplecoathanger · 14/05/2017 12:54

You are soooo Not being unreasonable. It's so important to have interests and hobbies of your own. Your DH is being a complete knob.

pitterpatterrain · 14/05/2017 12:55

Well that is an interesting rule he is setting

So you both are never "allowed" to do anything on a work night?

I assume he never does anything - work late, go out with friends etc etc

Fortheloveofdog · 14/05/2017 12:55

My DH will look after my Dsis's toddler for her to do her hobby, as will her DH. Some men are pathetic over looking after children, his behaviour falls in that category for me...
Father of my eldest has always been useless, but DH pulled his weight from the start with DS, it makes for a happier family ime

Blankiefan · 14/05/2017 13:03

How old is DD? How comfortable are you both with Parenting? I ask because when DD was under 2, I certainly wasn't happy with parenting (undiagnosed PND I suspect) and would add up time like this - basically to avoid any more parenting than I hadn't do!

I don't have any advice. Ultimately if this is the issue, he'll just have to get over it. Time and DD growing up / getting more interesting helped.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 14/05/2017 13:04

He gets extra 1-1 with his dd ffs!!
What a prick.

Original poster
user1494761641 · 14/05/2017 13:05

She's 14 months :)

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 14/05/2017 13:05

Just a reminder, OP - if you're not married but have gone part-time and your partner isn't that involved with your child, you're making yourself very vulnerable, financially. Have a look at some of the threads on here.

isupposeitsverynice · 14/05/2017 13:06

He is being utterly unreasonable and ridiculous. He doesn't have a point at all.

Original poster
user1494761641 · 14/05/2017 13:07

Thank you, but I am the one who doesn't want to get married, so that isn't his fault :) I have a lot of savings, so if something were to go wrong with the relationship, I could cope.

OP posts:
Rossigigi · 14/05/2017 13:09

He's not looking after his daughter he is only being asked to be a parent. Hate this 'babysitting' argument .

JigglyTuff · 14/05/2017 13:09

So neither of you are allowed any time for yourselves? Either working or looking after your DD? That sounds like my life and I'm a single parent.

PoisonousSmurf · 14/05/2017 13:10

Is he a manchild? Parenthood doesn't mean you have a right to a quiet evening. YANBU.

BertrandRussell · 14/05/2017 13:12

When you say you both look after her at the weekends- are you both 'on duty' all the time?

CaulkheadNorth · 14/05/2017 13:14

I totally agree that YANBU but I wonder whether he would feel better if he also booked an hour a week of something (music/sport/hobby) etc. Would that feel more "equal" to him maybe?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/05/2017 13:22

He's a dick.
So far, from your schedule, I can't see that he looks after his own DD by himself at any point, so quite frankly, it's about time he started.
Dick .

expatinscotland · 14/05/2017 13:22

What a prick! He sees spending time with his own child as a chore. Point that out to him.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/05/2017 13:32

He sees spending an hour or so alone with his DD as 'doing extra'?

What sort of fuck muppet have you made a baby with?

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/05/2017 13:32

So he is never in sole charge of his own daughter? Knock that on the head ASAP. He NEEDS to take that responsibility on, not just keep abdicating it to you. Otherwise you've got years of 'ask your mother' ahead of you. He is not just your partner, he is her parent. He needs to engage with that.

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