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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how long does it take to meet someone and have a baby?

401 replies

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 14/05/2017 00:40

This is going to seem like a ridiculous question, which I acknowledge, bit hope you forgive me because we cannot be rational all the time. I am worrying a lot that, at 33, I am no closer to having a child than I was at 23. And I am just getting older. I am single and do not have anyone in the pipeline who wants children one day. Please share your stories of time between met - engaged - married - baby (or met - baby) to help me work out what my cut off needs to be for giving up going it alone.

OP posts:
Timeforbedithink · 14/05/2017 14:11

Met DH when I was 30 1/2. Engaged after 3 years and Married just after I turned 34, first child born 11 months after wedding, second child exactly 2 years later.

Crunchymum · 14/05/2017 14:17

Not exactly a success story but a relative met someone in December 16, moved him in by late Jan and is pregnant for the 3rd time (2 early losses)

This guy is a cunt though.

pigyoinkoinks · 14/05/2017 14:17

Met my partner in August 2015... moved in together (rented) in January 2016....pregnant in march 2016
Beautiful daughter born December 2016 and now we have just gotten our first mortgage.

If some one told me all this in July 2015 I'd have laughed out loud! Smile

user1471495191 · 14/05/2017 14:22

Engaged after 7 months, married a year later. We decided to wait for baby (buying and renovating a house) but could have started ttc straightaway. We still had a baby 3yrs after getting married.

Musereader · 14/05/2017 14:42

I gave up at 30 because i had been single for 6 years. But lots can change in a year -met my partner in November 15, pregnant by January moved in together in June, had baby girl in September, left him in October and now have a happy 8 month old that i never thought id have, not quite so happy story as some here as ex tricked me into getting pregnant and turned out to be abusive. In the short term a lot of tears while it was happening but in the long run i am delighted to be a mother.

It only takes 9 months to have a baby, your life could change in less than a year.

Sunnymeg · 14/05/2017 14:44

Not my story, but a friend's. Met her husband at 36, married at 37, baby at 38. Before that, she wasn't really on the dating scene and had really all but given up on the prospect of a committed relationship and family.

User06383 · 14/05/2017 14:46

Met at 29. First child at 31. Married at 34.

Gillian1980 · 14/05/2017 14:49

Met at 31 online, met in person that same week.

I never left his after our third date (though kept my place for a while).

Married at 34.

Baby at 35.

blackcatlover · 14/05/2017 14:54

Got together with DP in May I was 32 he 25 (known him a year or so as worked together) got pregnant in October (accident!). DD1 born following June when I was 33 and married following September.

Took a risk but DD1 21 next month and still together.

I met plenty of older Mums in their forties and having their first. It is not unusual but it doesn't work out for every one.

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 14/05/2017 14:57

...my initial instinct was to reply '9 months and a couple of hours' Blush.

BUT more seriously, I think depending on age and other factors I'd want to have known someone at least a year before ttc, and longer if possible. DH and I had been together 11 months and living together for 5 when I got pregnant with DS1 (coil failure), and it did feel very rushed. It's worked out for us (so far) but tbh we were lucky. And though we wouldn't change him for the world we do both regret not having more time 'just us' before he came along, though I was only 23 so we had the luxury of time on our hands.

iwishiwasrichandthin · 14/05/2017 15:01

Met 2005 married 2007 baby 2008 baby 2013

expatinscotland · 14/05/2017 15:09

I think you're right to be concerned, Where. It's all well and good, all these tales from people who had babies in their 40s and telling you not to worry or hurry and you have plenty of time but a) they're already on the other side of where you are b) for every one of us wo conceived easily in late 30s/40s (and I'm one of them), there are plenty more who encountered problems of one sort or another. I had DS at 37 and part of me will always wonder if his autism was related to my age.

I'd at least look into egg freezing. Not sure if it's possible to have your eggs fertilised with a donor's sperm and have those embryos frozen (the embryo is a bit hardier than the egg), but I'd look into that, too.

if you're able to go it alone, it's not too early to start looking into that.

Longdistance · 14/05/2017 15:22

Met my Dh when I was 30.

He popped the question when I was 31.

Got married at 32.

Had dd1 at 33.

Dd2 at 35.

Can't be doing with all this hanging around Grin

Mollie85 · 14/05/2017 15:28

Op - I hope you are finding some comfort in these answers.

I've just turned 36 and as well as having a bit of a strange medical condition, have also been diagnosed with endometriosis.

Terminally Single. Have been offered a hysterectomy due to severe pain each month with menstruation (it puts my life on hold for five days every month) but although the odds are stacked against me, there is this small glimmer in me that won't allow me to destroy all chances of conceiving of my own accord. Most people (who are familiar with my medical conditions) find that odd and surely I would have a better quality of life if I were to have a hysterectomy? Agreed. But I won't do it.

Mentally, I've given myself a "cut off date" of 41... but at the moment, I'm hoping for a miracle...

Apologies - this isn't the reply you wanted, which was time frame experiences, but just know there are other people in the same boat emotionally (FWIW 33 is such a lovely, young age and you are by no means on any shelf - you're still in the shop window Wink but I don't want to undermine your feelings)

Good luck with everything, op

Flowers Grin

Goingtobeawesome · 14/05/2017 15:34

Met the month before I was 24. He's two month younger. Engaged at 26.8, married 27.5.
Dc1 - 29.1
Dc2 - 31.6
MC
Dc3 - 33.4.

Been together 21.4 years.

KeepingitReal2 · 14/05/2017 15:38

I would say date loads and don't give the impression you are broody or desperate to have a baby as literally puts men off...

reality is if he is the one, which you should also not waste time on deciding, then he will be happy to have children with you anyway assuming he also wants them but I guess that would be a deal breaker if he did not and he would not be "the one" in your case...

This is my ethos I'm also 33 just out of a long term relationship that has been hard to break plus I've been pretty career focused but now pretty much set up that I can take a backseat on that and focus on meeting new person.

milliemolliemou · 14/05/2017 15:41

Going on MN for anecdotal evidence isn't the way, OP - there are billions of women out there and they all have different stories. Sort yourself out - no man or woman is going to want settling down/babies as an early topic of conversation or relationship. I like a PP's idea of making where you live a place someone else might want to come and join you. You don't say roughly what you do or what interests you have but I'd pursue those before a babyfather or join groups to pursue those interests. You could also ask your GP (if they have time) or go online for a test for fertility and do the finances so if it is an overwhelming need you could go it alone/adopt if things don't work out otherwise. Good luck

Birdsgottaf1y · 14/05/2017 15:54

OP, get your fertility tested and get an indication of how long you may have.

If everyone on here is to be believed about conceiving naturally in their 40's, then every woman in the UK who has done that, is on here, if you look at the actual statistics.

Every fertility doctor is saying to not count being able to have a live birth post 40. Unless you can go down the IVF route.

I miscarried at 40 and went into the Peri Menopause then was fully through it by 46.

My hairdresser, 34, has re-met someone that she knew years ago.

Six months in and they were discussing baby names, now at eight months they are talking about making living together work. They are both ready for children.
So it can happen quickly.

As pp have shown, even if you meet someone, it doesn't mean that you won't go it alone.

Funnyface1 · 14/05/2017 16:00

Met, got engaged at nearly 2 years, married at 3.5 years, baby 1 at 4.5 years, baby 2 at 10.5 years. I wouldn't want to have a baby immediately, you need time to be a couple first ideally.

LaurieMarlow · 14/05/2017 16:21

Dating is tough at this age as children are the elephant in the room.

However, it can happen quickly. My friend was 36 and only going out with her BF for four months before getting pregnant (accidentally). Not ideal circumstances, but it all worked out beautifully.

They're married now, had another one on the way 9 months after the first and are all very happy.

AirandMungBeans · 14/05/2017 16:26

Met at 17
Married at 24
First baby at 28
Second baby at 29
I am now 32

So from meeting to first baby 11 years, but we had infertility and I'd had multiple back surgeries which meant things were delayed.

ThreeForAPound · 14/05/2017 16:28

3 years from meeting until we had our first child, but I was in my early 20s. Most of my friends who had children mid thirties and older did it more quickly.

juneybean · 14/05/2017 16:30

I never thought I'd meet someone so started trying for a baby on my own, tried five times and it never worked but on my 5th go I met someone whilst in the TWW. That was April 2015, we married in January just gone and am now trying again. Just have to see if my body co-operates!

Whenwillthesunshine · 14/05/2017 16:31

Met Oct 95
Pregnant Nov 95!
Married May 96
Baby July 96
Pregnant Dec 96

Very quick,I was 19 he was 22

Cellardoor23 · 14/05/2017 16:44

I've been wth my DP for nearly 6 years.

We met when I was 24 (he was 26) Had our baby last year when I was 28. We were living together for a couple of years before this as well. Not married. I'll be 30 in a couple of weeks.