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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this 'friend' odd?

58 replies

cailyaclara · 13/05/2017 22:05

Ok. So I recently made friends with another mum and all seemed to going well.

She seemed rather lonely and was having issues with her other half. We got on we'll and did quite a few play dates.

But all of a sudden one day she just stopped talking to me. Apparently I had discussed things with her husband at the school gate and she didn't want us talking...

Thing is. I've never spoken to her husband. EVER! I've seen him once at a school Science day thing, and that's it. Not too sure how I'd converse with him, considering that he works away from home most of the time and never does any school runs.

I'm totally bewildered by this, to be honest! She was incredibly rude to me in the middle of the school playground and I'm now starting to think that the reason that she seemed lonely is because she's batshit crazy and others are giving her a wide berth!

Is she living in some freak alternative universe?

OP posts:
DJBaggySmalls · 14/05/2017 08:30

If there's a chance her partner is controlling by all means try to straighten it out, but expect her to believe him over you.

HappyAxolotl · 14/05/2017 09:13

It could be any number of things really.

She's psychotically jealous of any attention husband gets from the appropriate sex and in some of these cases the partner enjoys winding up the jealous one.
Husband does cheat and gives her many reasons to be jealous.
She, he, or some 3rd party creates drama for the hell of it.
She's unwell and delusional.
He is trying to isolate her from any friends.

Weird situation and if it were me I think I would have a last attempt at trying to talk to her, but at the end you have to protect you and yours first.

user1471545174 · 14/05/2017 09:22

Let her know you didn't. Her husband might wind her up this way, it might not be an isolated incident. If she doesn't accept that, then step away.

pictish · 14/05/2017 10:18

Obviously you tell her you've never spoken to him. Then you probably avoid her from there on in. She sounds intense and a creator of drama.

Original poster
cailyaclara · 14/05/2017 12:05

Sorry! Fell asleep last night and had a very busy morning.

Just to repeat/clarify.
I've NEVER spoken to her husband. Literally seen him once, with her at the school.

I've told her very calmly that I've never spoken to him, but she's having absolutely none of it.

The thought that she's being abused/gaslighted had crossed my mind so I've not totally shut her out but I'm keeping my distance.

I really haven't got a clue what's going on! One minute - nice little play dates/coffee dates.
Next - complete madness.

Batshit crazy - she could have MH issues but I have a feeling that she's a drama queen. I could be wrong, though...

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 14/05/2017 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmeraldIsle100 · 14/05/2017 12:23

Just as an aside, is it really necessary to refer to someone who has conversations in her head that she thinks are real as 'Batship crazy'.

I am surprised at such a lack of awareness in this day and age.

Original poster
cailyaclara · 14/05/2017 15:34

Emerald - we currently have no idea if she 'has conversations in her head'

She could just be some drama queen who thrives on stirring up shit, for all I know right now. My gut instinct says it that this is the case.

Or she could be being abused or have MH issues.

OP posts:
Original poster
cailyaclara · 14/05/2017 15:35

I have had MH issues in the past myself and have no issues about using the term 'batshit crazy'

Just as an aside...

OP posts:
ddssdd · 14/05/2017 16:06

I thinking referring to someone who may have mental health issues as 'Bat shit crazy' is an awful term Hmm

But, that aside, what is so crazy about bat shit? Confused

EssentialHummus · 14/05/2017 16:14

What others have said - send one short text explaining that you've never spoken to Bob, don't appreciate being shouted at like that, and she knows where to find you if she wants to clarify anything. Then leave it. She could have issues in herself, with her DH or something else altogether.

nachogazpacho · 14/05/2017 16:23

Thing is, even if her husband has made up a load of stories then she's still out of order having a go in the school playground. Being abused doesn't mean you then are allowed to go and have a go at people in the playground.

You can't fix this. Stay well clear.

reuset · 14/05/2017 16:26

I have had MH issues in the past myself and have no issues about using the term 'batshit crazy'

That doesn't make it ok, OP.

emmyrose2000 · 15/05/2017 06:33

Thing is, even if her husband has made up a load of stories then she's still out of order having a go in the school playground. Being abused doesn't mean you then are allowed to go and have a go at people in the playground

You can't fix this. Stay well clear

OP, if your gut instinct is telling you that she's a drama queen, it might pay to heed that.

emmyrose2000 · 15/05/2017 06:33

Meant to say I agree with the post I reposted and bolded!

GreenRut · 15/05/2017 06:49

Wow. You had a lucky escape!

NormaSmuff · 15/05/2017 07:02

what a shame, but perhaps you got off lightly op

YouTheCat · 15/05/2017 07:21

Even if you had spoken to her husband, I don't see why that would merit her going off on one about it. You're allowed to talk to whoever you want.

Goldmandra · 15/05/2017 07:31

MY DD1 once went for a sleepover at a friend's house. She called me during the evening saying she couldn't manage to stay. I asked her why and she said there was no reason, she just couldn't cope with staying. DD1 has AS and struggled to cope away from home.

I called friend's mother and explained I needed to pick her up. All good. Later, I had a text from the friend's mother saying that her DH had been listening to DD1's call to me and that she had told me they were shouting at her and being horrible, etc. I recounted the conversation as it really happened and she was having none of it. She then started telling mutual friends that I had lied about why I was picking DD1 up.

Her DH was abusive in various ways to her, her DD and their many animals. It was clear to me that he was just ensuring that his DD and his wife didn't have any friendships.

This man then started to deliberately scare DD1 with farm machinery whenever she was there so I had to stop her going. I was sad that he was successful but I couldn't risk DD1 getting badly injured and I knew deep down that he would keep escalating it.

Oddsocksforeveryone · 15/05/2017 07:53

She could be in trouble, her husband could have lied etc BUT she could just be an oddball.
I gave a mum at school my number because we were both taking the kids to an event in the village my mum lives in. Didn't think anything of it. She texted, sounded a little off as she got very personal very quick but she was lonely and didn't have friends so I put it down to that.
Within a week she was texting me up to 60 times a day, checking Facebook and WhatsApp to see when I was online. Getting upset when I didn't reply instantly. Wanting to know where I was and wanting to join me for example my brother came to visit and she wanted me to arrange for the 3 of us to take the kids out. She has a partner, who is lovely. It turned out that she had done the same to other mums. It ended when I had to tell her she was being too intense, she then managed to get the number of another mum and did the same to her. For a while she tried to make me jealous texting me about her doing things with the other mum. She changed her route to school so that she could go past this mums house (not the direct route, to come to mine she literally had to do half of the short school run twice as it's out of her way) it turned out one of my friends knew her family years and years ago and they had some problems which obviously left her with some issues.
But just posted because although there may be a domestic abuse problem as some have said, she may also just have some issues, mental health/trust/insecurity.
Good luck OP

Original poster
cailyaclara · 16/05/2017 20:31

Thanks for all the replies/posts.

I can now safely say that the Mum I posted about has got form for doing odd stuff to others.

As far as I am aware, there are no MH issues (but that's difficult to truly ascertain)

No idea on whether she's being DA but...

I've been informed by a Mum who I have known for years that the lady is question likes drama.
She is also a social climber who likes to befriend people who she believes will better her standing within the school. She aims to be on the PTA...
I am someone who she felt would be of benefit to her. But I don't discuss anything professionally with school mum's.
So I wasn't playing along and she's been discussing with others how unhelpful I was (hmmm... unhelpful or being professional...?!!!)

So - the whole meltdown/off behaviour in the playground could just be her burning any friendship we had as I don't suit her purposes.

Who knows!

I'm keeping her at a fair distance from now on! I seriously cannot be arsed with any drama!

OP posts:
Ellapaella · 16/05/2017 21:02

Lucky escape then Op!

Original poster
cailyaclara · 16/05/2017 21:04

Looks like it!

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 16/05/2017 21:05

She aims to be on the PTA

What does that mean?! If you want to be on the PTA-you go to the meetings and then you are on it, surely? It's not like you need to be elected!!

PoisonousSmurf · 16/05/2017 21:06

Sounds like the husband is 'gaslighting' her. No wonder she has no friends.

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