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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To dislike people condemning adults having fun

76 replies

brasty · 13/05/2017 19:51

What I mean by this is those who condemn adults having fun without children. For example, condemning a group of adults making a big deal out of Christmas when there are no kids involved. Or condemning adults enjoying theme parks with no teenagers in tow. Or condemning adults enjoying Disneyland with no kids.

I am not personally into all of the activities I have named, but you don't need kids with you to enjoy yourself. If adults enjoy these kind of things, then let them enjoy them and don't look down your nose at them.

OP posts:
Railgunner1 · 13/05/2017 21:13

I think its becoming more acceptable to adults having 'childish' fun, because a generation has grown up loving Disney, Lego, and bouncy castles has grown up but not wanting to give up. Previous generations didn't have those things so they don't really get it.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 13/05/2017 21:17

Pompous people don't like Disney.

Many non-pompous people also don't like Disney but they don't make a great song and dance about how naff it is.

I like going to Disneyland, so does DH, so did my 68 year old mother (opera fanatic and Times' crossword solver). She told me she thought she was going to hate it, but had a great time. We went before we had children, and again when they were 3, and when they were 9. It's easier without children because they tend to get tired by mid-afternoon and totally give out by 7.00. Adults can go in at 8.30 a.m. and crawl out of there at 1.00 the following morning.

user1493759849 · 13/05/2017 21:20

YANBU! I hate people poo-pooing fun things. Like I used to work with a miserable twat of a woman who mocked and took the piss out me when my boyfriend of the time bought me a big teddy for Valentines (I was 20-ish.) She said 'what are you 5?' And I know others who think Christmas is for kids, and adults who celebrate are a bit lame. I mean, I have kids who are grown now, and I still watch Disney films, and Drake and Josh, I love Justin Bieber, and I play 'playstation' games. So fucking shoot me! Hmm

I actually had a woman laugh at me and my DH the other week because we went to a visitor farm and fed the little goats. Sad Nasty cow.

I think people who poo-poo 'fun' stuff are jealous and bitter because their life is shit and no-one wants to do fuck-all with them haha.!

KakunaRattata · 13/05/2017 21:22

Life is short and shitty, if you can have a laugh while you motor your way through it then do so. I've seen the stupid comments over the years on here, luckily none of the judgy folk are going to follow me up the climbing frame to say it to my face, so they can pull faces at the screen all they like!

brasty · 13/05/2017 21:23

Feeding goats is fun. I am in my 50s and have always done things that are fun, whether they are seen as childish or high brow. Who cares. Life is too short.

OP posts:
user1493759849 · 13/05/2017 21:28

I think its becoming more acceptable to adults having 'childish' fun, because a generation has grown up loving Disney, Lego, and bouncy castles has grown up but not wanting to give up. Previous generations didn't have those things so they don't really get it.

@railgunner People who take the piss out of me are MY generation! (middle aged.) Some are even younger. Sad

I don't think being a miserable twat has got anything to do with age!

user1493759849 · 13/05/2017 21:30

Yeah Brasty, I enjoyed feeding the little baby goats. Smile

I think what it is, is you are a short time a child and a long time an adult. And it's fun to sometimes do things you did when you were a kid. Smile

Rockhopper81 · 13/05/2017 21:42

As long as it's legal, not immoral and nobody's getting hurt, people should mind their own business. I love going to the Florida theme parks - went as a teenager, semi-regularly go as adults alone, took my oldest nephews last year - and they've all been awesome, albeit different, experiences.

I'm also a huge Lego fan, love Marvel superheroes and have a bordering on unhealthy obsession with patterned socks (I'm in my 30s and don't own a pair of dark, plain socks) - everyone who knows me knows this and actually appreciate that I am unapologetic about the things I like. And the fact I'm a huge geek.

I personally think it suggests an adult with such childlike tastes is possibly pretty mentally unsophisticated

That's a wind up, right? I'm 'pretty mentally unsophisticated' because I don't like what you think I should as an adult? Not that I care - I'll like what I like without shame or apology - but I'm just curious as to what would make me 'pretty mentally sophisticated', because that seems like a pretty condescending comment to make...

drinkingtea · 13/05/2017 21:43

It's fine as long as you aren't preventing the actual kids having the childlike enjoyment during their actual childhood though user

We went to a children's theatre performance not long ago and a group of adults in the front row were blocking the view and being really loud - they seemed really self absorbed and thrilled with themselves, and spoiled the show somewhat by being so hard to ignore.

Adults on play equipment are often like that too - no child will ask an adult to let them have a turn or go and get on equipment with an unknown adult not there assisting a small child. Adults using children's facilities are either oblivious to the fact they are stopping children from using it, or know and don't care because they are too selfish or entitled.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 13/05/2017 21:53

I am intrigued by the idea that people are jealous of, say, a middle aged couple at Disney or a woman at a petting farm without kids and feeding a goat.

user1493759849 · 13/05/2017 21:54

It's fine as long as you aren't preventing the actual kids having the childlike enjoyment during their actual childhood though user.

We went to a children's theatre performance not long ago and a group of adults in the front row were blocking the view and being really loud - they seemed really self absorbed and thrilled with themselves, and spoiled the show somewhat by being so hard to ignore.

@drinking tea.

Oh gosh no. Not at all. Me (and DH) enjoy ourselves but don't affect other peoples enjoyment. We have fun but are not 'loud' and 'brash.' I do know the type you mean though!

drinkingtea · 13/05/2017 22:12

That's good user1493759849 - it's nobody's business how others enjoy themselves if they aren't preventing the target group from enjoying the facilities too! It's the loud/ ostentatious / look at how charming I am acting like a child, aren't I just so "fun!" types that do deserve a bit of a judge imo Grin

Those merrily going about their business feeding goats or going to Disney land (and not shoving in front of children in the queue to meet Mickey mouse etc) are not in the same category.

NataliaOsipova · 13/05/2017 22:17

And while, sure, it's technically possible that some adult Disney fan is also a Wagnerian obsessive with a thing for Pina Bausch, I imagine the bit of the Venn diagram that might include him or her is so small it's invisible.

Grin
NataliaOsipova · 13/05/2017 22:27

To address the point - I wouldn't condemn anyone for what they find fun, nor would I particularly judge on one snapshot of what they were doing. I would however, find it odd that an adult would choose to go to the Sooty show/enjoy watching Peppa Pig/go to Disney on holiday, in the same way as I'd find it odd if they ordered plain pasta with cheese in a restaurant or asked to eat from the children's menu. But by that I mean just that - I'd think it was strange/out of the ordinary rather than something worthy of condemnation or negative judgement.

That said - the "look at us, we're kids at heart, we're so FUN. Look at US!" brigade are tedious. Whatever it is they are doing.

Emphasise · 13/05/2017 22:33

Is this a FB thing? I've never heard anyone condemn anyone for having any kind of fun.

CormorantDevouringTime · 13/05/2017 22:38

You get some huge judgement on MN for adults who play computer games because they're a childish form of entertainment. You also get huge judgment for anyone who lets their children play computer games because they're all incredibly violent and sexist and not suitable for children. If I had enough time on my hands I'd track down the posters who hold both opinions simultaneously because I bet there's a couple out there.

Rockhopper81 · 13/05/2017 23:14

There's a difference between enjoying Peppa Pig and going to Disney on holiday though, surely?

I mean yes, we quite possibly have all been there watching Peppa Pig and sitting the 3 year old back down because we have to see how it ends, even though we know they'll be rolling around on the floor like they've got a mild electric current running through them...no? Just me?

My point is, I don't think it's something a lot of adults actively 'enjoy' (although more power to them if they do!).

Whereas Disney is specifically targeted at all ages - there are rides there with height restrictions that make them suitable for older children/teens/adults only. Also, Walt Disney wasn't stupid and knew he'd make more money by making it attractive to all ages. There are plenty of adults without children at Disney and, in my experience (only my experience, not trying to make a generalised statement here), it's been people with children trying to take the 'we have children so we must have preference' stance that are more problematic. Again, only my experience. Not casting aspersions on anybody's character. Smile

CreamCheez · 13/05/2017 23:25

BTW, I never use that park if kids & parents are there. But sometimes other adults do the same as me, once they see me having a swing! It's in a business area, so there's rarely children around, anyway.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 13/05/2017 23:47

We do Disney and Universal regularly, and we visited as teenagers and in our twenties before kids (been with husband since dawn of time). I had a fab morning alone in Universal Florida at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in February doing the spells in Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley, others went outlet shopping. Did feel a bit silly but it was so much fun.

Why is opera being presented as high brow? You realise it was written for and presented largely to the unwashed, uneducated masses no? One of my favourite operas (Mozart's Marriage of Figaro) has a section where a man does not recognise his wife of many years because it is dark and she is wearing her servant's (whom he is trying to seduce) hat! Clever stuff huh?

BackforGood · 13/05/2017 23:53

Don't know if there is a parallel version of MN somewhere, but I'm on here far too much quite a bit, and I've never seen anyone condemned for doing fun things Confused

MarieVanGoethem · 14/05/2017 00:32

YANBU

If it's not hurting anyone, people should be free to do the things that make them happy. It's absurd to expect that everyone would enjoy the same things - and there are literally hundreds of threads on here about children differing from their peers in their interests & outlook, why on earth would that magically change in adulthood?

Things can be enjoyed on different levels, too - there are scads of babies busily appreciating a wide variety of classical music; and countless toddlers are ballet-mad & watch DVDs of the mainstays of classical repertoire almost in a trance. Equally, an adult might be analysing Disney princesses from the feminist perspective; looking at the [lack of] representations of POC in Disney films; or use Disney as a break from thinking/a kind of mental comfort food if they have a particularly [mentally] tiring job.

I collect Girl Guide fiction - mostly books from the first half of the C20, but I've also got paperbacks about Brownies from the 1970s/80s. I'm interested in both the history of Girlguiding & the [social & cultural] historical context of the books. Doubtless some people would judge me if they saw me reading kidlit though. I've never understood the frantic judging of other people's choice of reading material. Of the people I know, it's the people who were reading Dickens at 10 (etc blah) who are most likely to read YA fic or indeed anything else they fancy - they're not reading it because they lack the sophistication to appreciate Great Literature, but because they don't feel constrained to read the things other people think they should. Personally I can't get on with "chick-lit" at all, but I wouldn't denounce it, nor would I start making wild claims about the intellectual capacity of the people who choose to read it.

It was one of my ballet friends (she "only" watches, I dance & watch) I went to see the Harry Potter play with last year. Me in a Gryffindor t-shirt, her in a Slytherin one. She's also into opera, whereas I'm much more into choral music. Both of us are into theatre, though she goes more often than I do - she has some serious ticket ninja skills (& the physical ability to sit in places my wonky joints do not permit).

People are complex. In some cases, they will be exploring the concept that "it's never too late to have a happy childhood". Regardless of the state of your childhood it's quite healthy to keep doing "childish" things if they still make you happy & aren't harming anyone - walking on [low, safe, public] walls, climbing trees, going on the swings, kicking leaves, pretending to be a dragon on a frosty morning, skipping rather than walking, rolling down hills, paddling in the sea... happiness is good for you.

There's no obligation for people to like things like opera & ballet & Chaucer & Norse mythology anyway. It would be a very dull world if we were all alike, and intelligence is not measured by an individual's interests.

And on that note I'd better get to bed. Am going to a local guiding thing with some of my older Brownies later on & could do with being awake.

5foot5 · 14/05/2017 00:48

YANBU. On mumsnet I notice it mostly when people get sneery about a hobby, usually someone's DH, who is in to model trains or Lego or remote control cars or drones or whatever.

The comments typically imply this is a childish activity. "oh how old is he"
I tend to assume that the people who judge like this are themselves very young and still a bit insecure so they have to look down on what they see as "childish" fun to validate their own maturity

chastenedButStillSmiling · 14/05/2017 01:14

I'm not judging, honest.

But here's an example from the other perspective...

When my DD (now 15) was a teeny tiny toddler we had a day out in a chocolate-box Cotswold village. It wasn't as entertaining for her as we thought it would be, so we saw there was this place you could go to that ran model trains.

The first (I want to say, but it sounds like a pun) "station" we got to was running a thing that was Thomas the Tank Engine. So we go in and we're standing watching Thomas puff his way round this display and some guy who must've been in his 50s, who was clearly a model train fanatic came up to talk to us about it.
Well, me and DH didn't give a shit, we were just there to entertain DD. DD quite like the trains pottering round, but being around 2 1/2 wasn't really very good at sustaining a conversation with the 50 yr old who was THRUMMING with enthusiasm about the model Thomas the Tank Engine train.
We found him quite odd.

I'm not trying to alienate PPs... I get what you're all saying. I really do. But the other side is, when you take your kid(s) somewhere to entertain them and you see how tawdry/cheap/crap it is, and then another adult comes along raving about how fab and what fun it is, you do slightly raise an eyebrow. I'm sorry, but you do.

KittyWindbag · 14/05/2017 01:52

I totally agree OP, I actually believe it comes from a place of derision towards those without kids. Seeing them as lesser or incomplete and in need of 'growing up'.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 14/05/2017 08:04

Well that's quite a leap kitty, how do you know when people have kids or not? I certainly can't tell.

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