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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about parents moaning about ds when he's captaining team

35 replies

theduchessstill · 13/05/2017 15:19

He's 10 and the team in question is obviously more of a fun version of the over 11s side. As captain he chooses players for the positions and the order they go on. He says his approach is to ask who wants a position and then make sure they all get a go.

The last couple of games he has heard parents complaining about the order and telling their kids to "just tell him you're going on next," etc. He is now saying he doesn't want to be captain anymore and is also worried he is being held responsible for the team losing the last few games. He absolutely loves this sport and was so proud to be captain.

Aibu to think they should stfu and to complain to the coach about them?

OP posts:
SparkleSoiree · 13/05/2017 15:26

I think YWBU to complain to the coach about the parents. However it may be wise for your son to explain his worries to his coach and see if his coach can guide him.

Football always seems to bring out the competitiveness in some people..

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 13/05/2017 15:36

I think the Coach needs to take the pressure off your lad, actually do the coaching and selecting himself.

hmcAsWas · 13/05/2017 15:36

Goodness - I have never heard of the team captain choosing players for the positions and the order they go on - and certainly not at the tender age of 10. My dc (13 year old ds and 14 year old dd) both play for clubs - dd also at county level.

Whilst I am sure that your son tries to be scrupulously fair - most children, including older ones, don't have the objectivity to do this properly and its best left to the team manager imo

And yes SparkleSoiree - football does bring out competitiveness, that's what team sport is about (along with team playing, camaraderie etc)

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 13/05/2017 15:39

Team captains don't usually pick the teams. Tell the coach he needs to be doing this really

haveacupoftea · 13/05/2017 15:42

Talk to the coach. The parents sound like arseholes!

hmcAsWas · 13/05/2017 15:47

I don't think the parents sound like arseholes at all and I can understand their frustration - although its a great shame that their comments have knocked your son's confidence, as he is only doing what he has been told to the best of his ability. The manager should not have put him in this position and is firmly to blame for the situation

Had I encountered a club run like this in the past we would have voted with our feet, withdrawn the dc and found a more professionally run one.

Dozer · 13/05/2017 15:48

The coach should be picking teams etc.

alphabetti · 13/05/2017 15:50

My children play football and one is captain of their team the other captain is whoever got man of the match the previous week. Even tho my daughter is captain of her team I prefer the captain being whoever gets man of match previous week as keeps them all on their toes/trying their best each week.

I don't think a child being allowed to choose who plays what positions n what match time they get is acceptable though. Surely acreceipe for kids and parents getting resentful and the kids should all believe they're equal not one being put in a position to make decisions regarding others. Plus at certain times in match there may need to be changes such as if someone gets injured or need stronger defence etc so an adult coach needs to take responsibility for that

cowgirlsareforever · 13/05/2017 15:51

Is this cricket?

WankStainWasher · 13/05/2017 15:52

I thought you were talking about cricket.....

But no, you are not BU to be annoyed by the parents, who need to STFU and let their kids play.

Trifleorbust · 13/05/2017 15:54

I think this is totally fair enough - why shouldn't the captain pick? As long as the process of choosing the captain is reasonable, and other players have a chance of captaining the side if they impress the coach, I don't see why your DS shouldn't choose the order. But if other players ignore the known rules, the manager should dealing with them and telling them they won't be allowed to join in.

WankStainWasher · 13/05/2017 15:54

...if you are talking about cricket, then for the benefit of the others, who thought you were talking about football - it is normal for the captain to choose the batting order and positions IME.

Original poster
theduchessstill · 13/05/2017 15:55

I don't want to give the impression the coach is to blame - he's a lovely man and the club is very well-established and the only one for this sport in the local area. If you left, you'd have to go to another locale, which people wouldn't want to do. It's not football.

I think the reason ds is given the responsibility is it's the under 11s and one of the positions in question (there are only 2/3- was trying to be vague) is not much of a feature of the under 11s game - none of them are much good at it, so it really is just a case of those who want to getting a go, which they do.

Ds has also recently been captain of the under 12s (regular captain is injured) and says for that the coach takes more of a role in ordering players etc.

I just think it's awful people encouraging their kids to override what they're told to do, just to get a go sooner. Perhaps I'm wrong though Hmm.

OP posts:
Lymmmummy · 13/05/2017 15:56

Agree with PP - as a captain he should lead the team not be responsible for team selections and positions - it puts him in a difficult position and one that is only appropriate for an adult to take

I do hate overly competitive parents and dread it when my DC start with all of this stuff - I really hate parents who keep on mindlessly shouting their kids names at the top of their voices for not reason

Original poster
theduchessstill · 13/05/2017 16:00

...and surely if these parents aren't happy with the process and the role of captain, they should be the ones speaking to the coach.

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 13/05/2017 16:01

Oh the joys of cricket.

My 10 year old does the same when he captains: he picks the bowling order and tells people where they should be fielding and provides masses of encouragement. He's actually quite good at it; it's been commented on positively by many. But I can imagine how difficult that would be if other parents/children feel they are 'too good' to be told what to do and when to do it. The coach needs to be more aware and step up and have a talk to the team about the expected behaviour.

Lymmmummy · 13/05/2017 16:02

Ah ok this is normal in cricket I didn't know that in football or rugby don't think this would be the norm

Nonetheless the coach should really lead in these types of decisions giving very strong "guidance" and having ultimate responsibility etc back to parents

Oblomov17 · 13/05/2017 16:08

This all sounds very odd. Both my ds's play football. And by 11 most players know whether they are a striker, mid field, defender etc.
So why is your son even choosing. The coach shouldn't be giving this to him, it's unfair.

But you are clearly missing the point. If some players are getting a chance to play, equal time, then of course the parent wouldn't be so impressed.

And if they are losing, all the players should be concerned.

You obviously have no idea why everyone else is so disgruntled. Are you a bit PFB about your son? In that he can do no wrong?

hmcAsWas · 13/05/2017 16:10

OK - clarity needed her please. Are we talking cricket or football? (different scenarios!)

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/05/2017 16:13

Not football, OP has already said that.

hmcAsWas · 13/05/2017 16:15

Ah yes - just spotted in second post. Cricket then? Or rugby? ...or something else??

TeenAndTween · 13/05/2017 16:19

So in summary (surmising):

  • everyone who wants to be wicket keeper gets a go
  • he chooses the batting order
Sounds reasonable. He should talk to the coach. The coach should tell the parents to butt out.
WorkingItOutAsIGo · 13/05/2017 16:23

It certainly sounds like cricket, where it is indeed the captain's responsibility to select batting and bowling order. In our league however, this only starts at U11 so 10 year olds are helped by the coach. for U11 captains, part of learning to do this well is to balance the competing demands of different players so Thisbe may well be something your DS needs help with. It's ok for other parents to encourage their DCs to ask your son if they can move up the order etc as that's part of the negotiation process - some kids want to go high up the order, some don't, so they need to be able to make their wishes known. So far, so good that our DS needs to learn to handle those requests and balance them, it's not a unilateral process. But if parents are encouraging their children to countermand his decision, or overrule him, then that's not ok and the coach needs to talk to parents about what is ok and what isn't.

Original poster
theduchessstill · 13/05/2017 16:23

Yes, it's cricket and the decisions he makes are exactly as *TeenandTween outlines above.

OP posts:
hmcAsWas · 13/05/2017 16:26

Well in that case - I think a word with the coach is in order. Standard practice for the captain to decide the batting order. Are the parents who are complaining those with children who can't bat particularly well and are low down the running order?

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