Sitting here crying- AIBU??

[midnightswirls]

So i've just gone out for a meal with my sister down my new local pub. I've not long come out of a refuge and settled into my new village. This is the first time I've been to the pub and we had a really nice time until the end. I got a phone call from a private number, I dont normally so i answered and apologised to my sister. It was a girl i used to be in the refuge with and she told me she just moved to another. She seemed quite upset telling me her abusive husband had found out stuff and she dont know how. I felt bad being on the phone but was also hard stopping her speaking bluntly as she was upset and doesn't have many friends. I was on the phone for 6 mins. We had finished our meal and drinks so it weren't through the middle of anything. I got off the phone and apologised again but my sister went mental at me, causing a scene and raising her voice. I was so mortified and told her to keep it down, said sorry but she was upset and she's been through alot. I said i would understand if her friend called and was upset and she was on the phone for that amount of time. Even if i was annoyed i would wait until we were outside to say something.
She text our mum straight away, refused to speak to me. And now has gone home. My LB is with his dad and now im all alone feeling rubbish and that they are all against me. Sitting here crying feeling attacked. (I'm currently having counselling for my mums abusive ways growing up). AIBU to feel like she shouldn't have reacted that way? Or at least waited until we got outside. She will now not talk to me for ages or until i beg and say sorry.

Wow you were right Bill you are brutal.

Me and my sister very rarely disagree or fall out. Her behaviour is normally aimed towards other people. However on this occasion it was directed at me as i did something she classes as a "pet hate". I don't know if it goes deeper she hasn't complained about anything else to me.

Yes i have and i dont deny they have helped me with practical things. I am extremely grateful and i have not asked them to do this. However on an emotional level they have not. I mentioned above i am having counselling due to ex and my mum and my family life growing up. They were not supportive with me leaving my ex and my mum even asked if i was making it up!! I mean i cannot tell you the mental and emotional abuse i go through with them. But yet i find myself relying on them.

I think its quite rude of you to assume i take from my family. This is not the case at all. They insist. Its not like my sister doesnt get anything. I found out my mum lended her money without mine or my fathers knowledge for her holiday and my mum is knocking money off because of the stuff they have helped me with. However i havent said anything to my sister. I wouldnt be nasty to her because of it.

I know why my sister was upset as i have explained. I also explained she is known to do this to other people. Especially her bf and our mum.

I think it's time to stop relying on them tbh. Yes it will be hard and potentially finding an alternative network of people willing to help you.

I think it was necessarily brutal tbh. Having a look at that reply, you say you normally get along well. You also say that you are completely aware that people answering their phones and ignoring the people they are with is a pet hate of your sister's and she finds it really rude. And that you had no idea who was calling you or why. Despite this you still went ahead and answered your phone then had a lengthy conversation. Can you not see that in your sister's shoes that would have looked like you were either being deliberately rude to her or trying to wind her up? It might seem insignificant to you, but doing the one thing that you are aware drives her crackers really is incredibly inconsiderate.

It sounds to me like you both behaved rather badly. And if you normally get on well why on earth would you throw your relationship away over this?

I'm not really sure why you have included stuff about your sister being given money for her holiday or money being knocked off to make things more equal or that this is something you could 'say something' or 'be nasty' about. You're saying there is no issue between you, but everything your saying about there being tension over what your parents give you doesn't really bear that out.

You've also done the same again with your parents. You've admitted that they do an awful lot for you, yet you've come up with a long list of reasons to be dismissive of this.

I'm sure you had a traumatic childhood and that your family aren't perfect. But by your own admission as things stand you have a family who offer you a great deal of practical support without even needing to be asked and a sister that you normally get on very well with. Do you really think that is worth chucking away over a tiff? I would also add that you seem to be very sensitive about how you expect them to treat you, but you don't seem to extend that courtesy in the opposite direction by not refraining from doing the one thing you know will really upset your sister.

By all means go NC. But posters on here won't be round regrouting your bathroom next week or helping you hang your curtains or sitting in the pub with you when you've told your family you want nothing to do with them.