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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Have 'thank yous' for presents died a death

34 replies

user1485342611 · 11/05/2017 16:53

I sent a Godchild a cheque for £50 for her 21st birthday a couple of months ago. I heard nothing back and wondered if it had gone missing in the post. When I was having lunch with her mum today I said casually 'I hope Sarah got my present. I wasn't sure if I had the correct address'? Her mum replied, equally casually 'oh yes, she mentioned you sent her some money. That was really nice of you'

If someone sends me a present I always text or ring as soon as possible to thank them. It used also be the custom to send thank you cards for wedding or new baby presents within a month or so of receiving them.

But this seems to be a dying custom. I have had wedding and new baby presents go unacknowledged, and my mother has given some of her nieces and nephews very generous gifts for weddings, significant birthdays etc. and then worried that they never received them because she heard absolutely nothing back.

Why do so many people nowadays think it is acceptable to not bother to thank people who have gone to the trouble of sending them cash or presents to mark a significant occasion?

OP posts:

Trb17 · 11/05/2017 16:55

I always get DD to send a thank you. Card, phone call or text. It's thoughtful to acknowledge a gift and I find it rude not to.

RuggerHug · 11/05/2017 16:58

I have no idea why people stopped even just acknowledging they received a gift. Especially if it's cash/cheque/significant because I hate the awkwardness or not knowing if it didn't arrive/got nicked/your seemingly normal friend is just a rude bint who can't even be arsed sending a text.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 11/05/2017 16:59

I always send a thank you card and so do my kids. If they moan I tell them to return the gift. Recently I've started receiving watsap voice messages, texts emails etc which is a bit lazy but ok. If I sent someone 50 quid and didn't even get a thanks and proper acknowledgment it would be the last gift she got from me

44PumpLane · 11/05/2017 17:03

I had twins 5.5 months ago and am just sending out "thank you's" now- I feel terrible about it but left has been absolutely manic!
I thanked everyone in person and where people gave outfits I have sent pictures of the twins in the outfits saying thank you, but I wanted to send out paper thanks too.

I think sometimes life gets in the way then people feel embarrassed to send something so late (I'm still sending my thanks out but with a sticker on the front apologising it's taken so long)!

yousignup · 11/05/2017 17:04

Oh no! I wanted to do my first MN "CANCEL THE CHEQUE!"
Seriously though, it's awful. I'm afraid that as a mother I'd be standing over my 21 year making her send a thank you. My children send postcards: it's 10 minutes but means such a lot to the giver.

44PumpLane · 11/05/2017 17:04

*LIFE has been manic!

KoalaDownUnder · 11/05/2017 17:06

Yeah, I'm with you. Not sure what's going on, but I don't like it.

I haven't received any acknowledgement for 2 presents I posted to friends' children (different families), over a month ago.

I don't need an engraved thank-you card; just a text would be fine. As it is, I have no idea if the bloody things were even received.

ThouShallNotPass · 11/05/2017 17:10

Thank you cards aren't necessary (in my view) anymore but of course you should text, call or thank in person! Not acknowledging a gift is very bad mannered.

flowersareblooming · 11/05/2017 17:12

My dds always write Thanku cards to family for bday and Xmas they are 8 and 11
I always wrote Thankus as a child

Neverknowing · 11/05/2017 17:13

I always say thank you at the time when I receive a gift but apparently you're meant to send a card or text as well? I think that's overkill, say thank you once I don't need a matching band.

pointythings · 11/05/2017 17:13

There should definitely be acknowledgement, but cards and letters are now a thing of the past. That's just how it is.

And I am old.

lessthanBeau · 11/05/2017 17:14

We always call or send texts with thanks for gifts received via the post or at parties where they all go in a pile, however my sil sends thankyou cards for items received into her hands which she vocally thanked you for at the time! I think it's ott, then wonder should I call and say thanks for the card, it just goes on and on!

franciemczoo · 11/05/2017 17:18

It's a sign of the times, I'm afraid, OP. People just don't have manners anymore!

These days, I'm always surprised when I DO get a thank you!

KoalaDownUnder · 11/05/2017 17:18

Oh, I think a verbal thank you is plenty if you hand the present over in person.

It's when circumstances require you to post something, or have it delivered, or leave it on a present table at a wedding, and then....

TrollMummy · 11/05/2017 17:19

I always send a text or email to thank people who have sent presents to my DCs or thank them in person. Now that they are old enough, I remind my DCs to do this stuff themselves in the hope that it will become a habit when they grow up. If someone has gone to the effort of sending you a gift then it's just good manners to thank them.

TrollMummy · 11/05/2017 17:21

Is it necessary to also send a thank you note or message if you've said thank you when the gift was given in person

Sunnie1984 · 11/05/2017 17:21

We do thank you cards still.
Although given the price of stamps these days I'm tempted to switch to an e-card subscription!

RuggerHug · 11/05/2017 17:24

Oh 44 I think you're fine!there's a time exemption for busy new parents and you thanked people in person/sent pics. It's the people who say/do nothing that give me the rage

BigGreenOlives · 11/05/2017 17:24

Dcs have all been brought up to send thank you notes & do apart from DS. I have apologised to his aunts/uncles & said to them that I completely understand if they stop giving him presents.

Pepsi13max · 11/05/2017 17:24

I posted my wedding thank you cards on the morning of my wedding, en route to the hairdresser - as most of our guests had given presents before the day. I realise this was OTT though

But yes, I agree it is extremely rude, and sadly increasingly common for people not to thank others for presents.

RedBugMug · 11/05/2017 17:28

in your case I would have called/texted to say thank you.

I have however never sent a thank you card and have never made dc to do so.

Itsnotmesothere · 11/05/2017 17:28

I was taught to always phone or write and I would expect an acknowledgement for sending a gift. I like sending thank you cards although after a baby or wedding, the prospect of writing out, addressing and stamping can be daunting. I sent out cards after the birth of my baby quickly, writing them as I received them. I know for a fact that I forgot to thank some people for wedding gifts, they must think me very rude.

Nquartz · 11/05/2017 17:33

I always text to thank for presents DD gets at her party because they just go in a big pile.
We get presents through the post from family & I always send thank you notes/cards (and DD helps while she still can't write properly) if my 85 granny has gone to the effort of sending us something I will make the effort to thank her.

randomer · 11/05/2017 17:36

mmm its a weird one...do we give to receive

howrudeforme · 11/05/2017 17:37

I hope so.

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