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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this an awful thing to do? Or should I think of myself first?

55 replies

Minimim · 10/05/2017 21:44

Would I be unreasonable (and a horrible person!) to leave a job I detest for my perfect job, while still in my probation, just after my boss has announced her pregnancy and is expecting me to cover her mat leave?

There is nobody but me to cover within the company and I know that having to recruit someone will be very hard due to the location and specialist area, so will put her under a lot of stress.

But... I'm miserable. If I stay for the mat leave cover that's at least another 14 months in a job that is making me hugely depressed after just two - the thought fills me with horror! And actually a very large part of the reason I hate the job is my boss's shitty attitude towards me.

I feel like I shouldn't even be thinking of not quitting but the guilt at putting a pregnant woman through loads of stress (and it will definitely fall to her to recruit/get a secondee/'sort the problem' as her boss will not take any responsibility for this). I know that she'll be completely shocked at me leaving...

Help?!

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacle · 10/05/2017 21:46

Have you got your dream job? If so take it. They wouldn't give a moment's thought about you.

BlondeB83 · 10/05/2017 21:47

If it's your perfect job I think you have to go for it!

PurpleDaisies · 10/05/2017 21:47

Have you already been offered your perfect job? Is there likely to be an issue with references?

What's your notice period? As long as you work that I can't see a problem. You'd be mad to stay for 14 months because you feel bad for your boss.

QueenMortificado · 10/05/2017 21:47

Actually a large part of the reason I hate my job is my boss's shitty attitude towards me

Go. Do what's right for you.

snowgirl1 · 10/05/2017 21:48

If she's only just announced her pregnancy, she can't be that pregnant so she still has time to find someone to cover her role. I'd leave.

treaclesoda · 10/05/2017 21:49

I'd jump at the chance to move if I were you. Employers do not hesitate to make staff redundant if it suits their business to do so, so I think showing loyalty to an employer is a bit naïve tbh.

GeillisTheWitch · 10/05/2017 21:49

If you've been offered the other job I'd accept. Don't lumber yourself with a job that you hate for another 14 months. What happens after you leave isn't your problem, that's why your boss gets paid a higher wage, for sorting stuff like staffing issues while also doing her job.

Floggingmolly · 10/05/2017 21:50

Take your perfect job. If there's no one in the company to cover for you, they'll have to employ someone else. That's business.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 10/05/2017 21:50

What would she do if the roles were reversed? I doubt she would be having anywhere near the same doubts. Do what is right for YOU. Anytning she has to deal with is not your problem.

PieceOfTheMoon · 10/05/2017 21:50

You should do what's right for you and your family. Work is just work ( and I say that as someone who has put a lot into my career). You don't owe them anything.

I'm in a senior role and I'm going on maternity leave in a few months. I'm trying to sort my cover, and it's not easy, one of my team has just resigned, but I refuse to be stressed by it. Don't feel bad for your manager, she will cope, that is her job.

3luckystars · 10/05/2017 21:50

You would be doing her a favour leaving now because you hate the job and at least she has time to find a replacement now, someone who will like the job and want it. Good luck!

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 10/05/2017 21:51

Do it. Your health and happiness over rules any loyalty you feel right now.

HildaOg · 10/05/2017 21:51

Of course you take your dream job. This is your life, you only get one chance, you'll forever regret it if you don't take it.

sonjadog · 10/05/2017 21:51

Take the job.

AdaColeman · 10/05/2017 21:52

Go for the dream job!
Why stay somewhere where you are unhappy, especially as the boss is being horrible to you.

Finding someone to replace you is the company's problem not yours.

You have Mumsnet permission to get your dream and to love it!
Smile Gin Smile

BellMcEnd · 10/05/2017 21:53

Easy: go for the dream job 100%.

Might have been a harder decision had she not been shitty to you.

MilesHuntsWig · 10/05/2017 21:54

Leave. It's the company's problem not yours. Can't they pay an associate/contractor to cover if necessary?

VestalVirgin · 10/05/2017 21:55

Go for the dream job.

You don't owe anything to people who treat you badly.

Popskipiekin · 10/05/2017 21:56

Good god, go! Even if you were out of your probation period I'd still say go. You really owe them nothing. Business is business. Speaks volumes that boss has been shitty to you and yet should really be nice to you as she needs you on side! Go without a backwards glance.

Original poster
Minimim · 10/05/2017 21:56

Ahh thank you so much people. I will have to get my courage up and just do it! I think part of the issue is that she has always massively blurred professional boundaries (constant guilt trips towards me, oversharing, gossiping, very obvious moods/snappiness etc.) which is making me feel more responsible than I should do somehow. But also another reason I need to leave!!

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 10/05/2017 21:59

Go faster than a fast thing. You owe her nothing.

Love51 · 10/05/2017 22:00

I'm surprised every time I hear of a dilemma like this. It's work. You go, they pay you, you don't want to go, you hand in your notice and it is all quits. I'll work through dinner on occasion, but put my own preferences on hold for a year....
Although it's been a while since I've had a whole year on my contract, so perhaps I'm just cynical.

WeddingsAreStressful · 10/05/2017 22:00

Leave!!! It's the company's problem, not yours. And, without trying to put you down, you are not the first employee in history to resign for a better job, no one is irreplaceable really. Happens all the time and companies survive.

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 10/05/2017 22:00

Yuck, get out of there. Get an offer letter from the new company and hand your notice in. Think no more about it!

Ceto · 10/05/2017 22:06

If you've only been there two months, and your boss has only just announced her pregnancy, she still has plenty of time to recruit and train someone up to the same level.