DP's terrible breath - fed up now!

[Feelbadbuthadenough]

NC so as to not humiliate DP if by chance he sees this.

We've been together for two years, lived together for a year, getting married in a few months. He's always had really bad breath. When we first got together I didn't want something so trivial to put me off, especially as I thought it was because he'd had some operations on his palate when he was young, and he was having further ongoing treatment at the time. So I always thought it would be temporary and never mentioned it, thinking it would improve once he was discharged/treatment completed.

All the treatment has been finished for a while now and his breath is still really bad - it ranges from slightly whiffy to the point where I have to really steel myself to kiss him, be close to him etc. He's very particular about oral hygiene - uses one of those Waterpik flossing things, diligent about brushing, only has one cup of coffee per day, and he doesn't eat many of the foods that google is telling me contributes to halitosis. So he really couldn't do any more than he's already doing - it's not his fault, it doesn't seem to be something he can fix.

I've spoken to him about it a few times - initially very gently, with subtle hints, and completely acknowledging that my own breath probably isn't sweet 24/7, and then more recently being clearer in communicating to him that it's noticeable. It's really getting me down because it has always put me off kissing him and does make things less pleasant physically.

I feel at this point I've tried everything. I've bought him boxes of mints - he ignores them, I've suggested seeing his GP, he never does, talking to him just makes him a bit huffy. And I feel bloody awful for bringing it up too.

I don't know what more I can do without massively hurting his feelings. I'm also worried about how it affects his interactions at work - it's very much a people-oriented job.

AIBU by feeling this is an actual problem that's affecting our relationship? Should I just continue to ignore it, as I have before? I'd love to kiss him slowly and sensuously but it really is so unpleasant. I hate myself for saying that about the person I love most in the world

You're all awesome. Thank you so much!

Get him to brush his tongue or get a tongue scraper. The coating some people get on their tongues can be quite whiffy. But this coating relates to digestion so he should look into constipation issues and general digestion as well. Probiotics, as suggested and digestive enzymes may help.

I used to get tonsil stones (but have since had tonsils removed and no further problems). Those stones do stink like poo!
Your DP really needs to take responsibility for his problem. Failing that, in your shoes I wouldn't be able to marry him tbh.

Thought I'd post an update, even though it's been a while.

DP finally went to the doctor yesterday, after much nagging and pointed reminders from me. Turns out that he finally went because he can feel a fleshy lump near the site where he had the tumour removed years ago, rather than to ask about the cause of his bad breath.

So he's being referred, and I'm terrified. He had a major operation years ago to remove the tumour and part of his palate and jaw. He's not clear on whether it was cancer - he says they told him at the time that it wasn't malignant but they had to remove it. He was young and doesn't seem to have asked many questions.

I'm so worried.

Oh OP
I haven't any advice but here for a hand hold if you need one

Oh no OP, very scary. I will be thinking of you. I hope everything is ok for you both.

Agree ref tonsil stones, but also consider sinus infection (sinusitis).
Can smell like rotting flesh and poo, too.
Can be resolved with an operation.

Good luck

Any further update OP? I know this is a zombie thread but I hope everything worked out x

Ahhh thanks for asking, @TunaVersesAngelfish - thankfully the fleshy growth turned out to be just a benign polyp, which was a massive relief. It made all the bad breath gripes that I had seen pretty trivial!

He had the polyp removed, and since then his breath has been a lot better. It's still bad sometimes but nowhere near what it used to be like. Sadly, we've got out of the habit of kissing and we've never been able to get that back. We literally don't kiss anymore, other than a peck.

I think he had gum disease he might not know about it i have bleeding gums and ignored it as my dentist never said it was a problem. been told I probably have gum disease