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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP's terrible breath - fed up now!

60 replies

Feelbadbuthadenough · 10/05/2017 09:38

NC so as to not humiliate DP if by chance he sees this.

We've been together for two years, lived together for a year, getting married in a few months. He's always had really bad breath. When we first got together I didn't want something so trivial to put me off, especially as I thought it was because he'd had some operations on his palate when he was young, and he was having further ongoing treatment at the time. So I always thought it would be temporary and never mentioned it, thinking it would improve once he was discharged/treatment completed.

All the treatment has been finished for a while now and his breath is still really bad - it ranges from slightly whiffy to the point where I have to really steel myself to kiss him, be close to him etc. He's very particular about oral hygiene - uses one of those Waterpik flossing things, diligent about brushing, only has one cup of coffee per day, and he doesn't eat many of the foods that google is telling me contributes to halitosis. So he really couldn't do any more than he's already doing - it's not his fault, it doesn't seem to be something he can fix.

I've spoken to him about it a few times - initially very gently, with subtle hints, and completely acknowledging that my own breath probably isn't sweet 24/7, and then more recently being clearer in communicating to him that it's noticeable. It's really getting me down because it has always put me off kissing him and does make things less pleasant physically.

I feel at this point I've tried everything. I've bought him boxes of mints - he ignores them, I've suggested seeing his GP, he never does, talking to him just makes him a bit huffy. And I feel bloody awful for bringing it up too.

I don't know what more I can do without massively hurting his feelings. I'm also worried about how it affects his interactions at work - it's very much a people-oriented job.

AIBU by feeling this is an actual problem that's affecting our relationship? Should I just continue to ignore it, as I have before? I'd love to kiss him slowly and sensuously but it really is so unpleasant. I hate myself for saying that about the person I love most in the world Sad

OP posts:
HomityBabbityPie · 10/05/2017 10:06

I think tbh if you've tried asking gently and got nowhere you need to be blunt:

I find your breath really off putting and it's affecting how attracted I am to you. You need to do something proactive about it and see the GP.

ijustwannadance · 10/05/2017 10:07

Tell him to sort it out or wedding is off and that colleagues etc must smell it too when he is talking.

frazzledbutcalm · 10/05/2017 10:07

I think it's probably gut related. Could it be Trimethylaminuria? It's known as fish odour syndrome ... but the smell can also be of faeces ...

MissBax · 10/05/2017 10:10

Hmmm could it be dehydration?
Alot of people don't realise that 90% of bad breath comes from gums and tongue, not teeth. Is he brushing his gums and tongue when he brushes and mouthwashing? I'd definitely get it checked cos it could be something more sinister. I actually really feel for you!

Feelbadbuthadenough · 10/05/2017 10:10

Tonsil stones! Right, I'll see if he'll let me have a wee poke around in his mouth later, it sounds as if there's a very real possibility it's exactly that. Thank you!

And I'll also front up to him about going to the doctors too, for a proper medical diagnosis, and to consider things like trimethylaminuria etc.

Thank you so much everyone - I feel a lot more positive that this is something we can improve now!

OP posts:
Elphaba99 · 10/05/2017 10:13

Gawd 😱 Has he tried that CB12 stuff? One of my meds gave me terrible dry mouth & resulting bad breath, but CB12 sorted it. Probiotics could be helpful too as the gut can be responsible.

MuncheysMummy · 10/05/2017 10:14

There is an infection you can get and the only symptom is a terrible chronic mouth odour,my younger brother gets it sadly and every now and again has to see the GP for special anti biotics I don't know excactly what it is but it seems to be something that recurs a couple of times a year. You can also get terrible breath from constipation! Also the obvious one is his teeth,when did he last visit his dentist and hygienist?

sueelleker · 10/05/2017 10:14

Have you thought of these? H.Pylori is easily treated with a course of triple antibiotics.
"In some cases, gastrointestinal conditions can also cause bad breath. For example, a bacterial infection of the stomach lining and small intestine (H. pylori infection) andgastro-oesophageal reflux disease (GORD) have been linkedto bad breath."

NavyandWhite · 10/05/2017 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ijustwannadance · 10/05/2017 10:19

I get tonsil stones. You can even taste them when they are there. But once out improves immediately. A good mouthwash and regular gargling is essential.

His teeth arn't the issue.

littletwofeet · 10/05/2017 10:20

You say he's doing everything he can about it but refuses to see his GP so he's not doing everything he can.

You sound very understanding op, I think I would find it difficult and frustrating him not even trying to find out what the cause of it is.

Blowingthroughthejasmineinmymi · 10/05/2017 10:23

Op I have had same issues actually, I also tried to be gentle but I cannot kiss him anymore until teeth brushed and swilled with oral mouth wash. I just cant do it and I dont see why i should, I make sure I brush my teeth and keep myself clean.

So now I simply say " well i cant kiss you then what a shame" and he slinks off to do it - it seems to be working though as a previous tooth brush doger...he now brushes more regularly.

The worst thing is his DM blames me for him not doing such basic things like brushing his fucking teeth Angry

Blowingthroughthejasmineinmymi · 10/05/2017 10:26

all this is making stomach churn

MingeFog · 10/05/2017 10:27

Good grief Blowing, does she expect you to wipe his arse too?

Sorry to say OP I have nothing useful to add, but you've already had some very sensible suggestions. I hope you and DP can get it sorted soon Smile

RTKangaMummy · 10/05/2017 10:28

Acid reflux deffo causes really horrible strong bad breath that can be smelt from across the room

You don't even need to have any other symptoms like horrible taste in the mouth etc

He needs to go to GP and ask for investigations

In the short term try gaviston after each meal and before bed for 2 days and see if it goes, if it does go then it is acid reflux

I am not a medical person but this is what happened to a close family member

Sonders · 10/05/2017 10:34

It sounds just like tonsil stones, I get them just before most colds/sore throats and they are really satisfying to remove (and smell like the worst poo you've ever smelled).

It's an accumulation of rotting food in a cavity (normally a tonsil) but if your DP has had surgery, maybe there's a chance he has another cavity where old food is hiding. It might be worth getting a dentil kit on eBay with one of the little mirrors and having a search around!

They're normally the same colour as a tooth but be warned if it's really old it could be darker

NavyandWhite · 10/05/2017 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tellitlikeitispls · 10/05/2017 10:40

It could be tonsil stones. I get them, although they don't whiff that bad. Could it possibly also be a food intolerance? My sister used to have terrible halitosis. Turns out it was an intolerance to anything tomato-based. Which was random. But as soon as she stopped with the toms, bad breath gone.

Oldraver · 10/05/2017 10:42

If he is always suffly/ mucousy that will cause bad breath

Patchouli666 · 10/05/2017 10:42

There's lots it could be form tonsil stones to helicobacter pylori which can lead to certain cancers so needs identifying. What I'm saying is, he needs to get an appointment with his GP. And his dentist too to check for tonsil stones. Has he specifically told the dentis about the great issues? It would make sense to, as they are more qualified in mouths than gps are.

PeaFaceMcgee · 10/05/2017 10:44

Tonsil stones usually whiff horrendously bad... Like cheesy shitty grot. Can be white, yellow or greenish. Google them.

WaitingYetAgain · 10/05/2017 10:45

As Elphaba said - is he on medication?

Some meds have dry mouth as side effect for certain people. Regardless, this

www.boots.com/boots-expert-dry-mouthspray-50ml-10126297

And

www.boots.com/boots-expert-dry-mouthwash-500ml-10126300

Are really helpful if that is the problem, so might be worth trying.

Patchouli666 · 10/05/2017 10:47

Dentist about the breath issues!
There is lots it could be that have very easy remedies. I'd also go to the dentist and doc with him just to get your side over and make sure he isn't underplaying it.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 10/05/2017 10:47

www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.com/video/doctor-response/doctor-responses-bad-breath/

This is from Channel 4's Embarrassing Bodies:

Dr. Pixie:

We’ve had loads of questions to the Embarrassing Bodies website about bad breath. Now I think the first thing you need to know is whether you’ve got bad breath or not, and a very simple test is the lick and sniff test. It’s really easy; you just lick the inside of your wrist, leave it for ten seconds and then sniff. If it stinks then it’s highly probably that your breath pongs as well.

Lots of you are asking questions about brushing your teeth and using mouthwash and why, if you do that, why does your breath still smell. The reason is many of you probably aren’t doing it properly. You really need to brush your teeth for two minutes morning and night-time, and ideally with an electric toothbrush rather than an ordinary toothbrush.

That just gives a good clean and ensures that all of the food particles are removed. The other issue is flossing and I think lots of us have a fear of flossing, we feel it’s time consuming but it really is a must. Next step is investing in a tongue scraper; scrape all that gunk at the back of your tongue, it may make you gag but it will definitely make you smell a lot sweeter if you remove it.

And finally, mouthwash. Again use it twice a day and ideally use a preparation that doesn’t have any alcohol in it, because overuse of alcohol based mouthwashes can actually sometimes lead to bad breath.

Lots of you have been leaving messages about having bad breath when you’re on a diet and the reason for that is that lots of us choose a high protein, low-carb diet, and in doing so the build of protein tends to make our breath stink. So it’s really important, if you are on one of these diets, just to realise that this is a spin-off and actually trying a low calorie, well balanced diet will a much more favourable effect on your breath.

A really common cause of bad breath is dehydration and you may be really dehydrated after a very, very sunny day, if you’ve been exercising, if you’re hung-over or even if you’re ill so it’s vitally important to get your eight glasses of water a day and if you have been exposed to excessive exercise or excessive heat drink more, take 50% more of that and you’ll ensure that your mouth is well hydrated and your breath should be absolutely fine.

I’ve had an interesting message left which was ‘does oral sex cause bad breath?’ I’m not aware that it does, certainly from a medical point of view but plausibly, if the genitals aren’t clean then of course you can feel that your breath is smelly afterwards and it may be obvious to others. The other thing is that sometimes people have a low grade infection, like maybe a thrush infection in the genitals and therefore this can be passed from down below to the mouth, and a thrush infection would give rise to a build up of white gunk and debris on the back of the tongue which can smell and can also be quite sore. So my advice is if you are concerned about this then make sure that obviously you’re nice and clean in the mouth, and that the genitals are absolutely scrupulously clean down below, and you shouldn’t have any further problems.

Loads of you are talking tonsils on the website. ‘Are my tonsils making my breath smelly?’ Well if you are unlucky enough to suffer from tonsil pits, so these are little craters on the surface of your tonsils, which look like the surface of the moon, and these become filled up with food particles, then these can be a problem and can make your breath pong, because the food particles rot and create a smell after several days. Don’t try and remove them please, many people have a habit of trying to pick these bits of food out. That can be quite dangerous, can result in bleeding or infection, so don’t do that. If you are someone who suffers from recurrent tonsil infection, so from bacterial infections or viral infections, where your tonsils get coated in white gunk, and you become unwell with a temperature, go and see your GP because if your tonsils are really giving you recurrent trouble it may be that you simply need to have them out.

There are other medical conditions which you need to think about as well so if you are someone that suffers from chronic sinus congestion and a drip back the back of your throat remember that this can run into your mouth and really, really create a stinky breath. So too can reflux of acid so that’s acid coming up from your stomach and reaching the back of your throat, again that is very, very smelly. And other problems, like liver problems or general medical problems may too result in smelly breath so if you think you’re doing the right thing as regards your teeth and your oral hygiene do go and chat to your GP about your breath.

amusedbush · 10/05/2017 11:14

if your DP has had surgery, maybe there's a chance he has another cavity where old food is hiding

This was my first thought. There's perhaps a crevice somewhere that old food is getting lodged.

I've just started low carbing again and now I'm even more conscious of my "keto breath" BlushGrin

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