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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have said no to this childcare request?

78 replies

britespark1 · 09/05/2017 09:12

For background, we moved last summer so new school and nursery for our DSs (6,5 and 4), Middle DS has had some trouble settling in which I have previously posted about. New family moved onto our estate in Jan and their eldest son joined DS (5) in reception class. Started talking to the mum on the playground, her DS is having a few behavioural issues too so common ground but so far we have socialised no more than these playground chats.

Today she has asked me if I could watch her son before school and bring him to school with mine each morning as she has been offered a new job that starts at 8am mon-fri. She does have a partner but he has recently started a new job himself and her family aren't close enough to help. AIBU to have said no as mornings are quite hectic enough with my own 3 and I'm not sure I could cope with another (quite unfamiliar) child?

OP posts:
HildaOg · 09/05/2017 09:36

Of course not, she has other options, had you said yes it wouldn't have suited you, it would have been extra stress every morning.

chocatoo · 09/05/2017 09:40

She might not have been cheeky - perhaps she thought she would give you first refusal (assuming that there would be some payment involved) - some people might see it as a way of making a little money if a permanent arrangement. I can't imagine she thought you'd do it for free. Other thing is that it would be difficult to fit a 4th into car on rainy days.

Original poster
britespark1 · 09/05/2017 09:40

Thanks for the responses! I wandered back home feel like a bit of a cow but it just wouldn't suit. My boys have (sort of ) a morning routine and I like to do middle DS's reading homework in a morning as he's too tired after school. Come September when our youngest starts full time school I can actually start looking for work, or a course or something for me for the first time in nearly 7 years so am looking forward to things getting a bit simpler, not more complicated.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 09/05/2017 09:41

Er..... YANBU.

Her and her DP can either pay for childcare or organise their lives around school start/finish times like every other fecker has to.

metalmum15 · 09/05/2017 09:41

YANBU. She's obviously just looking for unpaid childcare. It's hard enough getting your own kids out the door in the morning without throwing someone else's into the mix!

blackteasplease · 09/05/2017 09:41

No way!

For all the reasons others have said.

She'd probably drop him off in his pyjamas!

Original poster
britespark1 · 09/05/2017 09:42

There was no mention of payment, it was worded as "a favour".

OP posts:
Strikhedonia · 09/05/2017 09:42

why is that cheeky? She just asked, she didn't demand free childcare. You said no, end of discussion. What's the issue?

Had you said yes, how do you know she wasn't going to ask you for a possible daily rate, or monthly amount or something?

If you can't ask anything without being insulted (not by you OP), it' s ridiculous. I know quite a few big families who don't mind having one more child for breakfast. No one has to do it, but it's not an outrageous arrangement to consider. Some posters have such a prickly attitude, it's tiring.

wickerlampshade · 09/05/2017 09:43

Think it's a bit cheeky to ask for every day for the foreseeable

"We've got a real problem with mornings for the next ten days, is there any way you could help us out with some of them and I'll reciprocate when you need it" - fine

"can you take my child every day with no offer of reciprocation and no end limit" - not fine.

myusernamewastaken · 09/05/2017 09:46

Of course its cheeky....why on earth would you accept a job without proper childcare in place....relying on the goodwill of friends is taking the piss and i got collared into situations like this as i struggled to say no....i would never have put a friend on the spot by asking for favours such as this....

putdownyourphone · 09/05/2017 09:48

This is what childminders are for! She just wants free childcare

Ravenblack · 09/05/2017 09:48

YANBU. She should never have asked you, that's awful. I would not even have asked a family member to do this.

Say you can't do it as it's the kind of commitment you would rather not enter into. No need to explain why.

Strikhedonia · 09/05/2017 09:48

can you take my child every day with no offer of reciprocation and no end limit Oh, you were there, that's what she said then?

I have no idea if she was testing the water and considering her options. The answer could have been, no (fine), yes (fine, then details to be discussed), I could do 2 mornings a week if it helps...
and go from there.

If you can't even ask a question without taking a beating, it's a bit sad.

MyheartbelongstoG · 09/05/2017 09:49

I disagree that she was cheeky in asking, no harm in asking is there.

I have 3 of my own and I would do this no problem and I have in the past. As long as child was ready for school and fed he could colour, read a book etc.

Its very difficult to find childcare for an hour or so in the morning in my experience.

JigglyTuff · 09/05/2017 09:49

Breakfast club is about £2 at our school and I can't imagine it's much more at yours. She must be able to afford £10/week on childcare with two working parents. Cheeky!

Strikhedonia · 09/05/2017 09:51

It's a very interesting thread, I must tell all my SAHM friends to direct working mums to paid help when they are asked to help out with a child.
I must tell everyone never to ask for any help, it's cheeky, entitled and offensive.

I am lucky that even in London people around me are more open-minded, maybe because there are lots of foreigners and a good multicultural mix.

JigglyTuff · 09/05/2017 09:51

The OP has already said the school has a breakfast club Myheart. So there is good, paid for, childcare available but these people don't want to pay for it.

strugglinghuman · 09/05/2017 09:53

I think you're brilliant for being able to say no when it needed saying, a lot of people would have felt unable to say no, with the crappy consequences that carries

You did the right thing, at the right time. YANBU Cake

Ravenblack · 09/05/2017 09:53

@strike

why is that cheeky? She just asked, she didn't demand free childcare. You said no, end of discussion. What's the issue? Had you said yes, how do you know she wasn't going to ask you for a possible daily rate, or monthly amount or something?

We all know this would probably not have happened. It's highly unlikely that the neighbour would have offered the OP money to do it. I have met people like her before, and they never offer anything for the 'favours' they ask.

It was a cheek, because she put the OP in an awkward and uncomfortable position. The woman is very foolish for not sorting the childcare issue before accepting the job. To expect someone to have your child from 8am and take them to school indefinitely is not just cheeky; it's taking the piss.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 09/05/2017 09:54

Hell no! YANBU.

As a PP said, if the request was just for a week or two until school breakfast club or a local childminder had a space for him then maybe - but, permanently?

What would happen if your 3 came down with a bug, chicken pox etc? You can bet you'd still be expected to do the school run anyway for the extra child. Also, if she's cheeky enough to think it's OK to ask this "favour" from you, I'd put money on the fact that other "favour" requests would follow. Along the lines of "could you just have him for X amount of days in the school holidays?", "Little Johnny isn't well today & can't go to school - could you just watch him for me?", "I've got to work late today - could you just collect Little Johnny & give him his tea?"

Too much of a commitment. Bloody cheeky request!

Ravenblack · 09/05/2017 09:56

@strike

I am lucky that even in London people around me are more open-minded, maybe because there are lots of foreigners and a good multicultural mix.

Wow. Confused I can't believe some of the things I read on here sometimes.

You are accusing people of being rude and unpleasant by saying the woman who asked the OP to have her child every day is cheeky, and then you come out with THAT.

Words fail me. Sad

purplecollar · 09/05/2017 09:56

Very cheeky I think. I would do it temporarily for a good friend or family member only. This is what childminders and breakfast clubs are for. They have two wages coming in.

You have a great excuse - I couldn't cope with an extra one in the mornings, it's hectic enough.

Original poster
britespark1 · 09/05/2017 10:02

I am a bit of a pushover normally so surprised myself when I said no as I couldn't cope with the extra commitment. I think mumsnet has been a good influence on me in that respect! I don't mind her asking as I know they have a few things going on in their lives, and she didn't seem too put off that I said no. Fingers crossed she stays friendly now.

OP posts:
Ravenblack · 09/05/2017 10:03

@santaslittlemonkybutler

Hell no! YANBU. As a PP said, if the request was just for a week or two until school breakfast club or a local childminder had a space for him then maybe - but, permanently? What would happen if your 3 came down with a bug, chicken pox etc? You can bet you'd still be expected to do the school run anyway for the extra child.

Also, if she's cheeky enough to think it's OK to ask this "favour" from you, I'd put money on the fact that other "favour" requests would follow. Along the lines of "could you just have him for X amount of days in the school holidays?", "Little Johnny isn't well today & can't go to school - could you just watch him for me?", "I've got to work late today - could you just collect Little Johnny & give him his tea?"

Too much of a commitment. Bloody cheeky request!

This x 100. I have seen this happen far too many times over the years to various people. Give people an inch and they will take a mile. The OP has to say no, otherwise the woman in question will^ continue to take advantage. And I am willing to bet she won't offer to pay her anything.

Strikhedonia · 09/05/2017 10:05

words fail me when I read the outraged replies when someone asked a question, with gems like
We all know this would probably not have happened (payment). Do we now?

It's fine if you never want to help anyone, and you always manage all on your own, because you are free or you can afford a nanny. I am still baffled why it's so outrageous to ask!

Oh well, each to their own.