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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or am I overreacting?

42 replies

RockyisMYRhino · 09/05/2017 07:31

I told my DH how much weight I'd put on since becoming pregnant this morning (just over 1.5 stone in 6 months). He then turned round and said that I need to start watching what and how much I am eating. Is this too much to put on or is it normal? This is our first DC so I really don't know!!! Confused

OP posts:
NapQueen · 09/05/2017 07:32

Sounds normal to me. Does he understand the biology of pregnancy? You are carrying a baby, plus at least babys weight again in waters. Plus all the extra padding your body is storing to ensure you have reserves for BFing.

SuperBeagle · 09/05/2017 07:34

Well, what were you hoping for him to say in response?

Why tell him how much weight you've put on at all if you're not expecting him to say anything in return?

SuperBeagle · 09/05/2017 07:35

Ignore me, I thought this was postpartum not during pregnancy.

Now I think he's a nob.

Instasista · 09/05/2017 07:35

Sounds normal amount. I agree though I suppose he doesn't know what else to say in response?

Westray · 09/05/2017 07:37

A woman who was average weight before getting pregnant should gain 25 to 35 pounds after becoming pregnant. Underweight women should gain 28 to 40 pounds. And overweight women may need to gain only 15 to 25 pounds during pregnancy

I was 8 stone when I became pregnant. Just before birth I was 10 and a half stone.
A week after birth I was 8 stone again.

I;m not sure I agree with the "breastfeeding padding" thing.

LedaP · 09/05/2017 07:39

You but most weight on in the last half of pregnancy.

Nhs website says up to 26lb is normal. Just short of 2 stone. And that putting too much weigh on is bad for mother and baby.

You are likely to go over that with 3 months left. However i put loads of weight on. Totally regretted it. So not judging or saying his is right.

Unlrss he is normally a dickhead, perhsos he is just comcerned given what the nhs says.

He was however stupid to say it to a pg woman Wink

PoppyFleur · 09/05/2017 07:40

I put on 19lb during my pregnancy however I was 8lb overweight before getting pregnant and had to factor that in (I had a high risk of gestational diabetes).

So your weight gain sounds about right if you were of average weight before pregnancy. Check the NHS website as it has useful information about weight gain in correlation to babies development.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, exciting times ahead.

LedaP · 09/05/2017 07:40

Sorry about the spelling. Not had coffee yet.

haveacupoftea · 09/05/2017 07:47

Thats quite a normal gain but the weight does tend to pile on pretty rapidly in months 7/8 so you would be wise not to take too much junk food. You don't want to end up with loads and loads of extra weight to lose when the pregnancy is over. But you don't need to count calories or worry about it at all!

TheNaze73 · 09/05/2017 07:49

FFS, what was he meant to do?

Phillipa12 · 09/05/2017 07:52

The NHS guidelines are guidelines, everybody puts on different amounts of weight when pregnant and just because someone has only gained 10lb as opposed to 4stone does not make their pregnancy healthier and the other persons down to indulgence! I for example put on 4/5/6 and 7.5 stone with each of my 4 pregnancies, i ate what i ate when not pregnant and i exercised regularly as per pre pregnancy, my body just decided to get massive, large babies ranging from 9lb to 11.6lbs excess amniotic fluid and dreadful water retention did not help, but i was back in my size 10's and pre pregnancy weight in the average amount of time. I would be telling your dh to fuck off, your body is growing another human, you need support not critisism.

FallenSky · 09/05/2017 07:55

Had a similar conversation with DH when I was pregnant. His response was something along the lines of "well, yeah, you're growing a human".

Maybe your DH thought he was being helpful, maybe he thought you were telling him because it is bothering you? I do think he was a bit shitty to reply in that way but do you think he meant to hurt your feelings or he just didn't know the right thing to say? Only you know your DH.

BarbarianMum · 09/05/2017 08:04

I wish someone had pointed out the average weight gain when i was pregnant. I overste and was left with a lot of padding that did not disappear when i breastfed. Sad

highinthesky · 09/05/2017 08:05

Sometimes men don't understand how their truth-telling or problem-solving is not what is actually being sought. He is actually correct on this occasion.

It's probably best not to ask the question if you don't think you won't like the answer.

highinthesky · 09/05/2017 08:05

^If you think you won't like the answer!

Whatsername17 · 09/05/2017 08:06

I gained 28lb first time and 24lb second time. First time it dropped off after. I had lactation failure, my milk never came in. The stress of that and being a ftm meant I dropped weight quickly and was lighter than before within about 6 weeks. Second time, successful bfing meant that it was much harder to lose despite not gaining as much. Imo, while pg, you need to eat well for yourself, your baby will take everything it needs and if you eat crap you will feel more tired towards the end because your baby will take the good stuff. Your weight is only an issue if you are likely to feel crap post partum with carrying extra weight. My sil gained 3 stone and didn't lose it until she felt like she wanted too, that was 2 years later. Never bothered her. However, my 2nd baby is 4 months old and I still have 8lb to go and I hate it. It makes me feel crap. Your dh's opinion does not matter. It's how you feel about yourself that is important. Losing weight post partum can be tough and as I said, bfing has actually stopped me losing the weight. It was dropping off until my milk came in and I felt hungry all of the time. I ate to make the milk and then found that any attempt to moderate my eating meant my supply dropped drastically and I couldn't feed my baby. When dd got to 3 months we started combination feeding (for several reasons not related to weight, although it was a small factor) and the weight is now coming off at about 2lb per week without me really trying.

Original poster
RockyisMYRhino · 09/05/2017 08:07

Thanks everyone. I think I was just a bit taken aback at his comment as before we started trying I had lost about 4 stone (over a couple of years) and I haven't really changed what I eat that much apart from a chocolate bar or two a couple of times a week. I have also recently stopped going to the gym as much, maybe I should restart my regular routine to try and minimise the weight gain a bit more.
Maybe he wasn't quite sure what to say so I'll have a chat with him tonight and explain that it is not all 'fat' and that some of it will actually be another person.

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 09/05/2017 08:30

What was your BMI before you were pregnant? If you are concerned I would talk to your midwife not your husband (unless he is a midwife!) I put on masses when I was pregnant and after 6 months breastfeeding and running around after a baby I was the same weight as I had been as a teen (BMI 18).

Allthebubbles · 09/05/2017 08:36

I put on weight completely differently with my two pregnancies. First time I had hardly gained anything before 20 weeks and then put on about 2 stone ( and a bit more with water retention at the end) Second pregnancy I put on about a stone and a half by 20 weeks but ended up about the same.
I was a bit overweight to start with so was conscious I didn't want to pile weight on but I also didn't feel I ate differently on either pregnancy and it went on differently.
Be a bit careful with restarting exercise if you've had too much of a break. Your ligaments suddenly loosen and centre of balance changes. Maybe get some advice and just build walking in more.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

witsender · 09/05/2017 08:38

Unless he has the emotional IQ of a newt "what was he supposed to say" is pretty simplistic.

You're growing a person. Eat as healthy as is possible for you and worry about the rest later.

ofudginghell · 09/05/2017 08:39

You've stopped the gym so are you doing other gentle excercise instead?

You must have had to work hard to lose 4 stone op well done but do be careful as you could be susceptible to putting back on quickly.

Labour and birth is knackerinf and the better fitness levels your in hopefully the better it will be for you.

I went from 9 to 10.5 stone with my third which was the most I'd gained however I was fitter and much more active third time round.
I guess it just depends on your make up really.

TheStoic · 09/05/2017 08:53

FFS, what was he meant to do?

You really can't think of anything better to say than what he said? I honestly wonder how some people manage in the world.

blackteasplease · 09/05/2017 08:59

^^ what thestoic said.

There were loads of things he could have said that weren't hurtful or unsympathetic.

MissBax · 09/05/2017 09:05

It depends what your weight is to start with. And if you're saying how much you've put on I think it's probably a normal response. It's not good for you or baby to put on too much so maybe he was just echoing your response. Only you know your husband and heard him say it so I'm sure you could judge his expression / tone etc and work out whether it was malicious or just a passing comment. If I moan about ny weight ny partner always says "well if your worried just try and cut down on junk/do a bit more exercise" etc. But that's because I know he's sees me stressed so tries to offer a solution.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/05/2017 09:10

It's not just the actual bump - I believe your blood supply increases quite a bit, too. Not to mention bigger boobs!

I was only about 8 stone before both pregnancies, went up to nearly 11, and lost it all again both times very quickly.

Please don't worry. Your Dh needs to understand weight gain in pregnancy - he might very well think that a few pounds over the actual newborn baby's weight is all it takes. Blokes can be pretty clueless about such things - before anyone has a go I know they aren't all like that, though. Not necessarily anything to do with intelligence - my dh is clever but I honestly don't think he had much of a clue.

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