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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that resting does not stop you miscarrying!

72 replies

PollyCazaletWannabe · 09/05/2017 07:21

I had a miscarriage last week, my second. Spotting began on previous Friday,Began miscarrying on Monday and was back at work on Wednesday with cocodamol for the pain- it was a big week at work for me and I couldn't take any more time off.
Since then several people have said to me that I should have rested more before and during the miscarriage, both in an attempt to prevent it and to help my body recover. Is this really true though? Could I have changed the outcome and /or the severity of the pain by resting? I think not but maybe I'm wrong :(

OP posts:
DisneyMillie · 09/05/2017 17:16

It won't have been anything you did that caused a miscarriage and I highly doubt you could have prevented it assuming it was at an early stage.

I was told 2 weeks bed rest after a big bleed which I kept to strictly and dd is now 1 BUT the bleed was at 13 weeks and scan showed baby was still fine so might have been a placenta bleed and rest was to possibly allow it to heal. Whether it would have been fine without rest is entirely possible.

AppleMagic · 09/05/2017 17:16

I've had subchorionic haematomas in both my second and third pregnancies. In my second I bled well into the second trimester so was under the charge of a consultant obstetrician. She was very clear that the evidence shows that bed rest leads to no better outcomes. She said that GPs sometimes still suggest it because they used to think it helped but it is outdated advice and not backed up by current evidence.

Devorak · 09/05/2017 17:16

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth

Are you too stupid to see the irony in your posts? I'm sure you aren't a qualified HCP who will dish out advice over the internet without having met the patient yet you manage to say Rest will help with healing but it is very, very unlikely to stop an early miscarriage. followed by telling the OP not to listen to outdated information from others.

OP. Ignore everyone and ask the advice of someone with training in the field.

I guess you came here asking if you should have rested, to which the answer is, it doesn't matter. You are blameless. I hope you recover physically and emotionally and have the necessary support network around you.

Iggi999 · 09/05/2017 17:24

I have miscarried when working, miscarried when on holiday, it has made no difference. I have been successfully pg while working. I have seen multiple doctors and rest has never ever been advised. I have read books by leading specialists, again never recommending rest as a potential cure. One reason why more teachers miscarry than, say, engineers, might have a lot to do with the number of women in the profession and the assumed "family friendly" nature of the job.

danTDM · 09/05/2017 17:34

That was an unpleasant and nasty thing to say Devorak

I am highly intelligent and so is my DD and my baby meant the world and was MY LAST CHANCE as my husband had cancer and was undergoing chemo.

I could not be on bed rest, I was trying to reassure the OP

My very elderly SIL had a point, bed rest wouldn't have made a difference.

danTDM · 09/05/2017 17:39

And thank you Eton
That post made my blood run cold. As if I didn't care if I miscarry and have a low IQ.

I think this poster should maybe get OFF the thread and is exactly the sort of person who is unwelcome with their advice here.

Devorak · 09/05/2017 17:40

danTDM

It may well have been unpleasant but I'd choose that over dangerous ignorance.

I've reported your post. The OP doesn't need reassurance - she has actual family and friends for that. She needs opinions from trained medical professionals, not an elderly SiL who argues against those professionals.

Devorak · 09/05/2017 17:44

I think this poster should maybe get OFF the thread and is exactly the sort of person who is unwelcome with their advice here.

Says who. The OP asked me to elaborate. I did so but carefully couched, saying that she should listen to those with educations on the subject whereas you said how your elderly relative said 'rubbish' at the doctor's advice.

One of us is a dangerous moron. The other wants the OP to get the best advice she can from the best people she can.

I think you need to think before you speak.

All the best to you OP. Send me a message if you'd like but really, you need your family for support and professionals for advice.

Flowers
danTDM · 09/05/2017 17:49

You have reported me? WTF? Hmm
What on earth have I said wrong?
Moron?

I speak 3 languages and went to Oxford uni and have a perfectly trilingual, intelligent daughter. How offensive you are.

I repeat, bed rest would not have made a difference to my haematoma, just prolonged the agony if I were to have miscarried.

OP again, so sorry for your loss Flowers

Iggi999 · 09/05/2017 17:50

Sounds like your advice was pretty outdated too Devorak.

AppleMagic · 09/05/2017 17:55

Devorak subchorionic haematomas aren't miscarriages, they aren't even associated with a higher risk of miscarrying according to recent studies. Ie if you have bleeding in early pregnancy it could EITHER be a miscarriage OR an ectopic pregnancy OR a subchorionic haematoma. So your Drs advice of bed rest isn't really relevant to the OPs situation (even if it were the current advice for haematomas).

OP, just listen to your body and take as much rest as you need going forward. There is no "right" amount.

deckoff · 09/05/2017 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Devorak · 09/05/2017 17:58

Dan

I have no idea what your daughter's intelligence has to do with anything.

It's amazing how many anonymous men/women on MN went to Oxbridge or have PhDs.

Your (or your elderly relative's) 'advice' is dangerous and misguided.

Iggi

The advice I was given was 7 years and ~10 months ago.

The only thing I've said again and again and again (whilst being extremely sympathetic to the OP) is that she should ask a professional not random posters on an internet forum.

KittyandTeal · 09/05/2017 18:02

You absolutely couldn't have stopped it. Rest does nothing to prevent loss unless it's a specific pregnancy related illness maybe.

Resting during and after isn't bad advice, it takes a crazy toll mentally and physically but then worrying about work on top of all that may not have helped anyway.

Just try not to over do it, in all likelihood you'll have lost a fair amount of blood and you'll feel washed out.

However, deal with it as you find best. People load advice on at times like this because it's easier than addressing the actual issue which is you list your baby and that's really shit

toomuchtooold · 09/05/2017 18:25

Arseholes.

I read somewhere that people used to believe that bed rest might stop a miscarriage because they observed that the bleeding stopped while you're lying down. But that's only because the blood can't flow out because you're not upright. It starts again as soon as you get up. It's all bullshit.

Flowers sorry for your loss.

danTDM · 09/05/2017 18:40

Absolutely makes sense toomuch

I think that unfortunately, if it is going to happen it will Sad
Also, my doctor told me if there is something wrong with the embryo, it is actually meant to happen, which was really horrid, but I think possibly ture Sad

Hopefully, this summer you'll have more chances OP

Please, please don't thnnk it is something you did, but do look after yourself

Arkhamasylum · 09/05/2017 18:52

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. After my first miscarriage, my brother in law asked my husband 'what did she do?' Hmm

It's astonishing how some people think that they can just open their mouths and spout specious, hurtful
rubbish off the top of their heads. They may mean well, but you've enough to cope with.

You didn't do anything wrong Flowers It's amazingly common but an individual experience for everyone it happens to. If going back to work was the right thing for you, it was the right thing.

toomuchtooold · 09/05/2017 19:21

People are idiots. Someone asked me if I thought it was because I'd been cycling to work (I had three miscarriages all at 11 weeks). My SIL tried to get me to drink cow colostrum [boak]

WildKiwi · 09/05/2017 20:24

Oh Polly, I'm so sorry you're having such an awful time.

I can only tell you about my experience, but I certainly do not believe there was anything you could have done. I behaved pretty much identically with both my pregnancies, but one ended in a early miscarriage.

Maybe some extra rest afterwards could have eased some of your physical pain, but it probably wouldn't have helped you mentally to be sat at home worrying about work. I went into overdrive trying to distract myself with work afterwards and it then really hit me few weeks later. I should have taken some time off at that point.

At the end of the day, what you're going through is absolutely awful but you've done nothing wrong. And in terms of recovery, you should do what you feel will help you, not what anyone else says you should do. We're all different and we all find different ways to cope.

CottonSock · 09/05/2017 20:30

No, it wouldn't have prevented it, but maybe people were trying to be nice by telling you to rest. I know it can be annoying, but people don't always know what to say. I did feel very drained for weeks after my first mc.

Original poster
PollyCazaletWannabe · 09/05/2017 23:35

Thank you to everyone who has posted reassurance and I'm sorry that for some people, my thread caused some pain. I am feeling a bit better today (is 6.30 am here) but certainly not 100%. I really appreciate everything everyone has said.

OP posts:
Glady85 · 14/07/2021 22:11

Can progesterone suppository help stop miscarriage???

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