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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that resting does not stop you miscarrying!

72 replies

PollyCazaletWannabe · 09/05/2017 07:21

I had a miscarriage last week, my second. Spotting began on previous Friday,Began miscarrying on Monday and was back at work on Wednesday with cocodamol for the pain- it was a big week at work for me and I couldn't take any more time off.
Since then several people have said to me that I should have rested more before and during the miscarriage, both in an attempt to prevent it and to help my body recover. Is this really true though? Could I have changed the outcome and /or the severity of the pain by resting? I think not but maybe I'm wrong :(

OP posts:
Elphaba99 · 09/05/2017 08:55

I'm so very sorry, OP.

No, bed rest would not have prevented a miscarriage. I was prescribed bed rest with feet raised up but still miscarried 5 days later. People saying rest would have prevented it are insensitive and stupid.

However, resting afterwards IS advisable - to help your body recover. I think you may have returned to work too early. If your miscarriage was very recent, could you take a few days off this week? Flowers

LoudestRoar · 09/05/2017 08:59

When I was miscarrying the Dr did tell me to go home and rest, but to let whatever was going to happen, happen. I took that to mean there was nothing I could do, but to be kind to myself. So sorry for your loss OP

Staypuff · 09/05/2017 09:04

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 09/05/2017 09:07

so sorry for your loss op.

It's a shitty way of putting it, but I suspect those that talked of rest afterwards were trying to say be kind to yourself. Those who talked of resting to prevent it need a kick.

I totally agree with those that say do what is right for you. I've had two, one I happened to be off work at the time and did rest, the other I carried on as usual and took no time off at all. Both were right for me at the time and neither approach made a difference to the outcome.

VeganCow · 09/05/2017 13:11

I know of someone who had bed rest on a second pregnancy, after a previous miscarriage,.On the 2nd pregnancy she had complete bed rest from the minute she found out she was pregnant - you know what happened next. There is nothing that can be done to prevent this if it is going to happen. Am sorry for your loss, take care of yourself and try and ignore 'well meaning' peoples stupid and horribly upsetting comments.

Writerwannabe83 · 09/05/2017 13:17

My friend who miscarried twins at 9 weeks was 'helpfully' told it was because she hadn't been eating properly (my friend had been suffering with morning sickness) and needless to say the comment caused her a lot of upset.

People come out with all sorts of rubbish sometimes.

I miscarried last year and it happened whilst I was on annual leave from work and I had been lovely and rested. You've done nothing wrong OP and you couldn't have done anything to prevent it.

I'm very sorry for your loss Flowers

runloganrun101 · 09/05/2017 13:48

Bed rest is only ever helpful late in pregnancy during specific circumstances. It never prevents miscarriage and can actually harm both mum and child if done without medical advice as it can cause weight gain and muscle atrophy!

I do think you should have taken a bit longer to rest after though. My doctor recommends 2 weeks. Not all of a miscarriage's effects are physical - you should take time to take care of yourself mentally too.

Babywearinggeek · 09/05/2017 13:52

My mum had 4 miscarriages. She followed all the 'rules' rested lots and still lost those babies. When she got pregnant with me, she thought screw it, I'll probably lose this one too so I'll do what the hell I want. Smoked, drank, ate what she wanted and didn't 'rest lots' unless she actually wanted to. I was carried to full term and completely healthy! People who say crap like that to you are just stupid. No one knows why these things happen but it is heartbreaking and NOT YOUR FAULT. So sorry for you loss and for people's insensitive comments x

Devorak · 09/05/2017 13:56

I wouldn't have said so to you, but yes, it could have.

I have a job which requires quite a bit of walking and was ordered to lie in bed for 3 weeks after some spotting. Our DC survived.

Two other ladies I worked with weren't so lucky. We all had very similar jobs and two different Drs looking after the 2 of us) did say that it can be common in jobs where women have to bend or crouch, putting strain on their bodies.

All of us were fairly early in our pregnancies.

You'll never know for sure and there's no point in dwelling on it. When you're ready, I would ask a Dr who knows your exact situation though.

RiversrunWoodville · 09/05/2017 14:07

I was put on bed rest with my twins when it wasn't looking good, I had already been taking it easy because I felt so awful, I still lost them in the second trimester, one after the other. It's just one of those things that you torture yourself about and other people make even worse even when they mean well Flowers

pasanda · 09/05/2017 14:29

If resting was all it took to prevent a miscarriage, then 1:4 pregnancies (or whatever the statistic is) wouldn't end in losing the baby.

If only it were that simple Sad

Original poster
PollyCazaletWannabe · 09/05/2017 14:53

Thank you all. I do agree that it was a bit early to go back to work, but I'm a teacher and head of year 11, and it was my year 11s' last week before study leave... Impossible to miss it really. I have stopped bleeding now, which is great, but today I was exhausted and very weepy, which was unexpected but perhaps showed me that I need more time to process it :(

OP posts:
Devorak · 09/05/2017 14:55

Yes, it's very common in teachers.

You can't blame yourself but ignorant people saying resting wont help aren't doing you any favours.

There are no magic cures. Talk to Doctors, not the internet.

Hope you and your OH are doing okay.

Original poster
PollyCazaletWannabe · 09/05/2017 15:05

Devorak is it really the case that miscarriage is very common in teachers?

OP posts:
danTDM · 09/05/2017 15:16

I had a haematoma (huge one) at 6 weeks and lots of bleeding. The doctors told me the only thing I could do was bed rest. Not even watch TV sitting up Hmm

My SIL said rubbish, if you are going to lose the baby you will (very matter of fact, but true)
Which was good. I just got on with life. I didn't lose the baby in the end, but I think there is really very little you can do to prevent miscarriage and I am extremely sorry for your loss.

People love jumping in about personal health matters. It is quite incredible. (In Spain)

Roomster101 · 09/05/2017 16:25

It is ignorant and insensitive to suggest that resting would have prevented the miscarriage. Once it started, resting may have possibly have helped prevent very heavy bleeding but if you feel okay physically okay now then obviously going back to work didn't do any harm. I went straight back to work after mine too as it helped me mentally to focus on something else.

museumum · 09/05/2017 16:29

Resting wouldn't have prevented it but looking after yourself now is a good idea. You'll be tired and exhausted from pushing on in pain. Not to mention emotionally drained. If the people who have said to rest care about you I'm sure they're just worried and want you to be kids bf to yourself. Flowers

Devorak · 09/05/2017 16:47

I'm teacher, not a doctor, but I was told 'yes' by my Dr.

I was on bed rest for 3 weeks and took it very seriously and my baby is now 7. Three other ladies (teachers too) weren't so lucky. Not because they ignored advice but because they didn't get it in the first place. Perhaps the problem came after a scan. All of us were early pregnancies (1st tri-mester) and had subchorionic hematomas. We were all pregnant within 6 months of each other and friends so (over)shared details. I've sadly known of 2 more teachers who lost babies to early miscarriages for the same reason and happily, one who was prescribed bed rest and didn't. Of course, there are huge flaws in these numbers and massive biases.

The Dr told me that it is common in women who do lots of bending, stooping etc, as us teachers tend to do.

I'm not saying that I'm correct but have seen it happen and had the Dr explain it to me. You should ask doctors, not us though. You didn't ignore medical advice so did nothing wrong. If you'd been told to rest and didn't and were in this situation, I'd never have been as cold-hearted to tell you that you should have. If you'd been told to rest and did you may still be in this situation but as a teacher (HoY), you know that knowledge is power.

I think it was wrong to start giving you 'helpful advice' at this point and would never have volunteered it in real life however close we were. The fact you came here and asked means I feel like I should tell you what I know and have been told.

I hope your next BFP is easier and happier. Brew

I don't want my hopefully helpful post to be deleted so won't say exactly what I think about danTDM but listening to your sister-in-law over a doctor and hoping that your baby will survive makes me wonder if there should be an IQ test before being allowed to have a child.

FallOutTime · 09/05/2017 16:59

It depends a lot on how far along you are and what you feel is right. I miscarried at 12 weeks but the pregnancy had stopped beforehand (hope that makes sense). I bleed a lot but was emotionally ok possibly because my hormones had already had s chance to get back to normal. Obviously I was disappointed but I wasn't 'grieving' I went to work three days afterwards but I had lovely colleagues so it was with the knowledge I could go home if I needed. It was definitely better for me than sitting around at home - you really just need to do what is best for you
Miscarriage is so normal but it's still upsetting.

I hope you feel better soon. FlowersFlowers

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 09/05/2017 17:02

Rest will help with healing but it is very, very unlikely to stop an early miscarriage.
In fact testing when you are worried a miscarriage is about to occur is likely to stress you out.

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 09/05/2017 17:06

In fact resting when you are worried a miscarriage is about to occur is likely to stress you out because it will give you the space for your mind to work overtime.

They are insensitive fools. One thing I learnt both whilst pregnant and when at university is once a woman becomes pregnant she becomes a public notice board for all sorts of outdated information about conception, pregnancy and child rearing (often with the woman accepting the unwanted "advice" over that of HCPs). If someone tries to pin information about miscarriage on you ask to see their medical credentials and write them off as utter fools.
Hope you are ok.

^ pressed post too soon on last post.

Batteriesallgone · 09/05/2017 17:08

My understanding was that the advice to rest was to try and prevent excessive blood loss post miscarriage. Bleeding after miscarriage (or birth) doesn't seem to be taken very seriously by a lot of people but it really can be. I was told it's basically an open wound and lots of activity can delay healing and cause too much blood loss. Don't know if this is correct just what I was told. Hope you're ok. Take care.

OhFuds · 09/05/2017 17:11

Sorry for your loss OP Flowers

When I miscarried my mum said "that's because you done too much"Hmm, then never once offered to help out with my 1 year old while I recovered and trailed back and forth to the hospital to get my bloods checks.

EtonMessi · 09/05/2017 17:12

Interesting in terms of what different women have been told in different countries.

I had a subchorionic hematoma with very heavy bleeding; the doctor in Holland told me that the main risk was not anything I might do, but if when the embryo burrowed in further it happened to be in that particular spot.

I didn't rest, but I'm not really sporty or anything so I wasn't out jumping hurdles. I just carried on as normal.

Fortunately all was OK and I had a lovely healthy baby.

devorak I'm all for following medical advice but if I was told to not even watch tv sitting up I think I would be seeking a second opinion. That's just crazy talk.

EtonMessi · 09/05/2017 17:15

once a woman becomes pregnant she becomes a public notice board for all sorts of outdated information about conception, pregnancy and child rearing

Soooo true. I was at a cocktail do where a group of well-meaning women were trying to get me to eat the salad veg that was sitting about on the tables (and presumably had been for hours), all but forcing carrot sticks into my mouth FFS! I'm not too precious about food in general but said I'd rather not eat the ancient salad due to the listeria risk they all looked at me blankly. "Listeria?"

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