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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider throwing away my career?

45 replies

Graceflorrick · 08/05/2017 20:53

I got home at 6.45pm, I had 20 minutes with DD reading her stories in bed and hugging her before she fell asleep. I now need to do more work.

I have built myself a career, I have a good reputation and I earn very good money but is it worth it? I have no work-life balance.

I'm considering walking away and finding a job that I can leave at 5pm (or earlier )

AIBU? Has anyone done this and it worked well?

For what it's worth, I don't need to work for the money but wouldn't want to rely on DH as my only source of income.

OP posts:

19lottie82 · 08/05/2017 20:55

Is there no way you could reduce / compress your hours in your current role?
If they value you and had the choice between that and you leaving then would it not be a possibility?

Dozer · 08/05/2017 20:55

Does your DH feel similarly? What time do you leave work now? How much work do you do in the evenings?

There might well be things you could do to improve work/life balance with much less drastic changes.

Original poster

Graceflorrick · 08/05/2017 21:00

So, I told my absolutely wonderful manager that I'm thinking about leaving, he has said I can have whatever terms I need to stay.. but my workload will never reduce, I know it. I could give it a try, but deep down I know it won't change.

I do a few hours each night to include the weekend, I can't face it tonight and might not bother.

My DH does not really want me to leave, he likes our financial position but he's sick of me moaning and says to do whatever I want.

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 08/05/2017 21:02

Could 'whatever terms you need' be an assistant?

juneau · 08/05/2017 21:03

So if your manager says you can have whatever terms you want, would s/he agree to hiring someone to support you/job share?

Original poster

Graceflorrick · 08/05/2017 21:06

Count, sadly not. It's whatever I want to continue to do my current job but my job is busy, pressured and emotionally draining.

June, I could have all school holidays off, this is the current discussion but even with that, it won't really improve my term-time experience. I have support staff, but most of the job has to be done by me, it's a legal requirement.

OP posts:

19lottie82 · 08/05/2017 21:14

Can you not get into work an hour earlier and leave an hour earlier? Even half an hour? I find I'm a LOT more productive when I'm early before there are people there to pester me and the emails start pinging in non stop.

Allthewaves · 08/05/2017 21:18

Friend found early start by being in work at 6.30, meant she could be away by 2.30 to pick her daughter up and spend the evening. She also got loads more done in the morning as no one else was around until after 8am

edwinbear · 08/05/2017 21:19

I have just been through this, albeit it was forced on me by redundancy. My wonderful, challenging, long hours, well paid career disappeared overnight, to be replaced by a 9pm - 5pm admin job in the civil service. I can drop the kids at school each day and flexi time means I can be at sports days, swim galas, open afternoons etc. But 2 weeks in and I'm bored to tears. Grass is always greener in my view.

Porpoises · 08/05/2017 21:23

Is there no way you could share the work around more people, or reduce the amount of work you bid for? It's great that your manager sounds supportive. There are many companies who manage to make part time or flexible work fit their business, don't assume it would be impossible.

user1493884728 · 08/05/2017 21:24

I quit my job and gave up good career last summer for the same reason ... best thing I ever did.

I work freelance now, money is good and I choose the days I work and the clients I work for, doesn't work for everyone of course.

Do you have that option OP, it's scary initially but if you believe in yourself and plan it is possible
Good luck

Original poster

Graceflorrick · 08/05/2017 21:24

I could do that on some days, Lottie. Other days it would depend on meetings/ clients. I could try it a few days a week though, it could help.

I just feel exhausted and I'm experiencing a strong desire to experience an easier life. This isn't the first time I've felt like this, I left a job last year planning to pursue an easier life but managed to return to the same field in a more senior position with much much more stress within weeks. I wonder if I just need a clean break. Emotionally My identity is so closely linked to my work persona it's quite harmful. My DH thinks I'm probably a workaholic, he might be right but I don't want to be! I want to be free to enjoy other pets of my life.

OP posts:

Moanyoldcow · 08/05/2017 21:26

What do you do and what kind of salary expectations do you have? I know that seems to be prying but it's hard to advise with some idea of transferable skills and what you want to earn.

Butterymuffin · 08/05/2017 21:27

If your manager is willing to make changes to keep you that's a great start. So many just aren't. Talk to them but also do some reading on boundaries - when you say your workload won't decrease, it will if you refuse to take on more than you can do in work time, don't take work home. You will have to be prepared to walk away from work and say 'sorry, I'm done for today'. Surely it's worth at least giving this a try first?

Original poster

Graceflorrick · 08/05/2017 21:28

user1493884728, I did the same. Walked away planning to achieve a better balance through locum work but ended up in a more senior position within weeks. It was ridiculous, I was doing locum work, I liked it there, they made me a great offer and it turned my head. Now I'm in the same position a few months later. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me - I'm destined to waste my life working and being stressed.

OP posts:

Smudddle · 08/05/2017 21:29

I've moved from a busy pressured professional job to freelance consulting, doing short term contracts, often working from home. It's obviously less stable but it's meant I can be flexible and spend time with DD, and it hasn't been a step down in my career, just a change for now. Could you do something similar?

Porpoises · 08/05/2017 21:32

If you're a workaholic then a clean break might be the best way forward.

My company is very family frirndly with lots of part time staff. However, probably like your workplace, many part timers and full timers do a lot more than their contracted hours. If you want to not follow that culture, you have to be pretty strong minded about your priorities or just not care too much about what colleagues might think.

topcat2014 · 08/05/2017 21:33

What job is it you do?

Personally, I always leave around 5pm, and work as a finance director in a small firm.

Never had to work in the evenings either.

Mind you, been near redundancy twice - and saw plenty 'driven' types binned off at the same time - so am careful to avoid investing whole life in someone else's company.

Smudddle · 08/05/2017 21:33

Cross posted OP! One of the skills I've had to develop since going freelance is setting serious boundaries and saying no! I've been offered various positions and some have been tempting but I've just had to remind myself that my aim for now is work life balance. We're so conditioned to accept every next step up on a career path that's offered to us. I've found it liberating to feel like I'm making considered decisions to turn jobs down, for my mental health and wellbeing.

Original poster

Graceflorrick · 08/05/2017 21:33

At the moment I earn quite a lot, 70k after tax. I don't need it though, we would be fine if I earned nothing.

Buttery, that's what I'm terrible at! I can't boundary myself which means that I'm celebrated at work but experience internal resentment and want to work as a Barista (I genuinely feel that I could enjoy that role)

OP posts:

Fruitcorner123 · 08/05/2017 21:34

Obviously it's your life and your decision but what would you regret more, giving up the career or only seeing your daughter for 15 mins a day, will you feel you have missed her being little? School holidays is a massive thing though, that's 13 weeks of you and her time. It won't improve your term time experience BUT will it make up for it? I don't love my career enough to feel it's fair to comment further as I would give it up and be with my kids.

Softkitty2 · 08/05/2017 21:34

How about maybe trying to achieve some balance in the current situation.
Example leave work at 5 and that means anything you don't finish will have to wait for the next day.
It will be hard but you need to achieve some balance and just say thats it i'm done for the day.

tinypop4 · 08/05/2017 21:36

Yanbu if it's what you want but be careful- the grass isn't always greener.
I ended up with 2 years off work when dc2 was born due to a relocation with dh work. I was really excited but it was the most boring thing ever and I missed my career.
I would make sure you find a job that you think will give you a bit of mental stimulation before you quit what you're doing.

Porpoises · 08/05/2017 21:38

What factor was it that "turned your head" and made you take the new job?

springhassprungohmy · 08/05/2017 21:38

I am about to quit my career and go freelance. I just cannot do everything any longer, and I am sick of being torn between work and DS, feeling that I am short changing everybody.

What are the prospects of getting back in if you do leave?

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