To consider throwing away my career?

[Graceflorrick]

I got home at 6.45pm, I had 20 minutes with DD reading her stories in bed and hugging her before she fell asleep. I now need to do more work.

I have built myself a career, I have a good reputation and I earn very good money but is it worth it? I have no work-life balance.

I'm considering walking away and finding a job that I can leave at 5pm (or earlier )

AIBU? Has anyone done this and it worked well?

For what it's worth, I don't need to work for the money but wouldn't want to rely on DH as my only source of income.

I was the same, had a complete break and got very bored, went back to an even higher stress job (was headhunted, not looking for it), then left as it was affecting my health. Now have a new job where the money is 80% of what I was on, but the stress is half that. I have far far less responsibility. I still struggle with feeling less important, less powerful (!) sometimes. But i have a much more balanced life, and time to do things outside of work now, so overall it is better. Having said all that the responsibilities are starting to pile on at work and it feels like an inevitable creep back towards where I was. I have to work very hard to keep the balance now, maintain boundaries as a pp said. It does not come naturally, but the results/outcome make me happier, and a nicer person! I am no longer defined by my work, instead I define my work.

Would you be able to take a sabbatical for a few months? See how you feel it working?

I get the feeling even if you did give your job up you wouldn't be long before you found another op, sorry my dear but you do come across as a workaholic .

I have no career advice. But I can tell you what happened to me. I gave up my career with first DC. 3 years later I was diagnosed with leukaemia. It brought my mortality into sharp focus. One of the things I felt most strongly was "thank god I didn't waste these years back at work". It's a cliche but they grow fast and you can't get these years back. And YOU are so important to them. Do what's right for you so that you don't look back later with regrets.
(I am now healthy & have 3 DC. My career is gone but I appreciate what I have every single day)

If you don't need the money, why don't you just leave at 5pm? Take a gamble, see what happens? It might work out for you and you've put this pressure on yourself to fit in with what others in office do.

However earning £70k a year is a fortune and to expect a standard 9-5 at that pay rate does seem a little naive. Also a bit patrionsing regarding being a barista- I can assure you that it is still long hours except your are often paid minumum wage and working overtime with no payment- late staying customers who delay clean up are on your time not the companies!

How much does being considered good at what you do form part of who you are? How would being at home once kids are at school be? Could you pick up a career after a break?

Hope you are able to find a solution.

i don't understand why it has to be all or nothing - i agree you sound like a workaholic, you admit you have no boundaries, but i strongly feel you should try setting and sticking to some before you jack it all in. You've tried chucking it all in and ended up in the same situation again - take the school holidays off (I wish I could get this deal), and then make a few other snips to your week - try leaving at 5 and no work on at least 2 nights a week for example, gradually roll it back until you DO have a work-life balance.

Can you work a few more years, don't spend the income you "don't really need" and retire early?

I was working all day and half the night and someone said to me, "what would they do if you got run over by a bus tonight". They would cope of course, so they can certainly cope with you doing less hours.

Take a step back and reflect on your current role, then decide whether to make it work, or quit.

I eventually got made redundant and did a complete career change. Half the money and much more time for my DD.

I ended up leaving my job for the same reasons you outlined. I do not regret it. There is more to life than working in a job that takes over and I really feel like I have a much better relationship with my children. There are days though that I worry that I won't get the same money if/when I return to work but I do not regret leaving.

My friend didn't leave but changed roles instead and now finishes at 5pm and is home by 5.30pm.

I would try changing roles first before completely leaving if this isn't possible.

Can't you go part time?

I'm confused, if you can have all the school holidays off, why can't you just work 3 days a week all year instead? Who would be covering you in the holidays?

Could you take a leave of absence, say 6 months? That would give you enough time to get a feel for whether you would just be bored rigid after a week or two, or whether you find it a weight of your shoulders.

I left my job and started my own business. I now work from 10am to 4pm meaning I can drop off then pick up from after school clubs.
Yep, very happy.
Although I work after my DD has gone to bed but that's through choice as a single mum without anyone else to entertain!

I'm in exactly the same boat. Rush home for bedtime then turn on the laptop again. I've only been back 3 months so it's early days. I'm giving it a year to see how I feel. I do know I got bored on mat leave though.

OP - what would actually happen if you stopped work at 5? Or if you didn't do some of the work at all. It may sound impossible if you are a workaholic this will he the most challenging aspect for you. If doing your contractual hours means that things don't get done that have to be done your employer will have to hire someone else. Or you may find that some of the people you are now servicing will either do stuff them self or decide it doesn't need doing. This is all based on my personal experience. In my current role (senior management but still a big step down from previous role) we have had to take some of these steps as we simply cannot service the demand from our resources. So far non one has complained!

Yes, you definitely can do it! I walked away from my career for the same reasons you've given and have never regretted it. I was fortunate in that I could do voluntary work for a while. I learnt I loved working with the elderly, whereas I'd previously worked with children. Lots of transferrable people and management skills helped, despite the different age range of clients.

Don't do it. My Dh did this and he's now struggling with no job, not wanting to freelance and missing everything about work.

He wishes he'd cut down his hours, been firm that it couldn't be done in normal hours, got a coach, taken a break...

OP, my husband and I worked 60-70 hours a week, used holidays to work overtime and were too busy the last few years to take holidays. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer and we spent more 'quality time' together in the last two years of his life, than we did for the last twenty. Please don't make our mistake. I'm now self employed, in a simple, low paid job, but it means I can spend time with my youngest, who has SNs. I don't want to be lying on my own death bed, crying because of what I missed.

Do you work in finance? This sounds v accountancy/consulting firm esque- particularly the ability to give you all the school holidays off.

If so, I think I'd advise shifting into industry, but to v v carefully research the possible companies before hand - the cultures are extraordinarily variable.

I absolutely get what you are taking about. I am now a part timer, but have to manage the workaholic lure. Before making any big rash decisions I would strongly advise you see an executive coach to explore your boundary controls, and how to delegate without panic. You can still be fully accountable, without actually doing the work all yourself.

What do you have besides work and home life? I have found making health a 3rd priority has helped me manage the other 2 and feel more balanced overall.