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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going out with your partner

34 replies

sunshine47 · 08/05/2017 17:17

AIBU in thinking that couples do actually go out and do things together?

I haven't been taken out for over 7 years!!! and that's just rounding it up, its been longer.

I've had enough, i've never got anything to look forward to it seems like.

I feel really hurt and unloved, we literally don't do anything together, although he goes to the gym 4 times a week.

Thankyou for reading.

OP posts:
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 08/05/2017 17:20

Have you said
"Hey let's go insert place"

exexpat · 08/05/2017 17:20

Unless you have real issues finding childcare for some reason, then yes, that is unusual. Have you suggested going out together? Do you go out and do fun things without him? Or does he just get on with whatever he wants to do and assumes you will stay home and look after the children (assuming you have some)?

frieda909 · 08/05/2017 17:20

Sympathies OP. My ex went to the gym 3 times a week and spent all day Saturday and at least 3 evenings a week at his other hobby. If I ever suggested we go do something together he was always too tired, and preferred to spend his one night 'off' a week sitting at his computer drinking beer and watching crap on YouTube until 3am.

What does he say about it?

intrusivethoughts · 08/05/2017 17:24

Try 23 years! Not sticking around for much longer 😕

Original poster
sunshine47 · 08/05/2017 17:27

He's too tired and he doesn't like busy places.
I've said loads of times that i'd like to go out.

The youngest child is just about to leave school, hes doing his gcses now so there are no childcare issues atall.

I feel like hes embarresed to go out with me but he says hes not.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshine47 · 08/05/2017 17:28

Intrusive, its a number not far off yours, thats why i've had enough now.

OP posts:
Dozer · 08/05/2017 17:29

What do you like doing?

Does he have work, commutinh or health issues (for example) making him tired?

Why would he be embarrassed?

isseywithcats · 08/05/2017 17:29

weve just come back from a weekend motorbike rally and i insist on us going out together at least once a week for a night out and we are in our 60s have you spoken to your partner about why you dont go out together is there anything you both like which you could turn into a night out

Original poster
sunshine47 · 08/05/2017 17:29

In just shy of 20years i can count on both hands how many times we've been out.

For over 7 its been zero!

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshine47 · 08/05/2017 17:32

Work and the gym makes him tired.

I don't know dozer, its just how i feel.

OP posts:
LightYears · 08/05/2017 17:35

Some people just can't be arsed to make an effort. I'd say ultermatum time, then if nothing changes on his side, all you can do is change the path you're on.

humblesims · 08/05/2017 17:38

do you mean going out for the evening (like date night)? Seven years is a long time and I would be pissed off if wasnt interested in coming out. do you ever do stuff together at weekends or during the day?

Original poster
sunshine47 · 08/05/2017 17:43

no we never do anything together, in the evenings or weekends.

Yes i was meaning like going out for a meal, or a walk or something, anything.

OP posts:
Zubba · 08/05/2017 17:49

Find yourself a hobby. Go swimming or find a club. Invite your own friend for a drink? You need to get out and I think you're stuck in a rut.

heateallthebuns · 08/05/2017 17:49

Yeah most couples do stuff together!! If they don't like busy places they go somewhere they do like. Why do you expect to be taken out? Can't you organise something and tell him?

CoolioAndTheGang · 08/05/2017 17:51

If he is too tired, he needs to substitute one of his nights in the gym andtake you on a date. Tell him he needs to get himself in gear or you have had enough.

Plunkette · 08/05/2017 17:52

Does he go out with other people? His friends? Colleagues?

HildaOg · 08/05/2017 17:53

He doesn't have to go anywhere busy; lunch, dinner, quiet pub... Why do you feel he's embarrassed by you? Does he avoid you in public?

I think you should focus on doing things for yourself and expanding your own social life. If he won't join you then perhaps think of getting rid and finding a man who will take you out and give you the attention you deserve.

Emphasise · 08/05/2017 17:55

We go out a bit but I rarely get "taken" out. If I want to go somewhere, I check the calendar and organise it. DH isn't bothered about going out so doesnt think to arrange it but happy to come with me if I've done the legwork

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/05/2017 17:55

I would expect to go out with my DH to do something nice (meal out or activity) most weeks.

coldcanary · 08/05/2017 17:58

Neither of us like busy places and our children are younger but we still go out together when we can.
What would he do if you said 'right, me and you are going out on Friday night, either X or Y place. Which one do you fancy?'
I'm wondering if he just doesn't know where to go and would be up for it if you took the lead.

crunched · 08/05/2017 18:01

We don't really have 'date' nights because that seems too contrived somehow, but what about going to the pub together after a parents evening or while hanging around to pick up the teenager?
Do you go out with couple friends/ meet family for evening meals or is he never up for social events with you?

tovelitime · 08/05/2017 18:16

That's insane. We go out together most weekends and now eldest is able to babysit we often pop out for a sushi or pizza midweek too

blueskyinmarch · 08/05/2017 18:18

Gosh that's bad. My DH works long hours and he gets very tired but we go out on a regular basis. We went out for dinner on Friday. Went to a gig a few weeks before. Having said that our DC are grown up now but even when they were small we went out from time to time. It's something you need to make an effort with in a relationship if you don't want it to fizzle out like a damp squib!

Ginmakesitallok · 08/05/2017 18:20

We've got dc, and don't get out as often as we'd like - once every couple of months or so.

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