Going out with your partner

[sunshine47]

AIBU in thinking that couples do actually go out and do things together?

I haven't been taken out for over 7 years!!! and that's just rounding it up, its been longer.

I've had enough, i've never got anything to look forward to it seems like.

I feel really hurt and unloved, we literally don't do anything together, although he goes to the gym 4 times a week.

Thankyou for reading.

Really not on. Relationships need to be tended. You still need to 'date' your partner; go out, have fun, laugh, talk. You can't just stop and grow old and boring. Which he isn't, seeing as he's at the gym, so he's basically choosing not to prioritise you.

It's not enough to say 'go out with someone else then'. As I pointed out to my own DH, I want to go out with him. But, sure, he won't, so now I find others that will. His loss.

That's a hell of a long time not to do anything together sunshine. Been married 22 years and ever since our children were young we have gone out for meals, concerts, weekend breaks and holidays together. Take the bull by the horns and book a table somewhere, if he doesn't want to go take a friend instead.

We don't go out on a date type thing very often because of conflicting schedules - it's rare that we both have a day off at the same time. But we do make an effort to do something when we have the opportunity - so it could be something really simple like a trip to the garden centre or park if it's mid month and we are short of cash, or sometimes we have a day out sightseeing. Every once in a while i will meet DH in the pub after I finish work, and we go out for tea at least once a fortnight.

DS is in sixth form now so a similar age to yours, he is at the age where he doesn't always fancy coming with us or is doing something else. Can you organise something and tell him that you will be going to x on y date?

In the same boat. I do the 'do you fancy insert activity here?' but from my perspective it gets to the point I'd rather not bother when I have to initiate it all and he can willingly organise his own activities without me.

When ours were small we often did Friday nights at friends with wine and pizza so the kids could play and the adults could have a chat and some company. Didn't cost much and was good for morale. Could you have some mates round OP and force your DH to socialise ?

Sorry I see your youngest is a teen so you don't need babysitters or anything.

What about joining the gym to start things off? Maybe pop in for a quick drink afterwards?

We go out once a month at least, as wever have a babysitter we trust and family nearby. Usually to a show or dinner or something. 7 years is a long time. What's the point of being with someone and not enjoying outside experiences with them? Do you have a lot of "date nights in", like a takeaway and a film?

It concerns me that you think he's embarrassed of you. That's not a normal feeling. Does he do anything to make you feel that way? Where does that come from?

Is your DH just saying no with no intention of compromise or making the effort for you?
If he can go to the gym, he can take you out.
Talk to him and let him know you think it's important you spend time out together. Let him know it will affect your relationship severely if he won't compromise.
Failing that,....arrange nights out with friends for yourself. He is being totally unreasonable.