AMIBU to hate my backstabbing colleagues?

[BeanyB]

I’ve been in an unhappy marriage and decided to split up from my husband about 2.5 years ago because I really wanted to have children but couldn’t have them with him.
I met my fiancé through work and it was a completely whirlwind romance that ended up with him proposing after 3 months of dating, we moved in 2 weeks after his proposal and we started planning a wedding on a beach in Bali, just us two. Meanwhile I found out I was pregnant, which took us both by surprise. I’m not going to lie it was really scary to begin with and whilst we both love each other, we wanted to get married, live together for a bit longer. However considering I am 35 this year, I decided that it was time to start a family and whilst we had to cancel our trip away and cut down on going out to try to save up. We live away from our families so we considered childcare costs etc. and in the end decided that it would be best for us and the baby if we move my mum into our 2 bedroom apartment in a short term to save up for a house. All of this, has been very stressful and I often felt very overwhelmed and emotional, I know that we’re not in ideal situation but I am trying to make the most of it.
After having my first scan and seeing our baby, something changed for both of us, before all I could see is problems and obstacles but now I am so excited about having this baby and my DP is over the moon. We recently had the second scan and when I came into work the following day, my colleagues asked about the gender (I was a bit absent minded on that day as my DP was going for an interview that morning – bringing us one step closer to our dream home) and I was so happy to be telling everyone about the baby and the pregnancy. Someone else asked about childcare and I explained that my mum will move with us for a short while. One of my colleagues then made a comment that she would not be able to live with mother or mother in law even if to save money. Then I was asked about whether I was choosing to buy a pram or a pushchair and I just said that all these decisions were so overwhelming I would probably decide closer to time. I then had to leave the office to go to a meeting, but I found out that after me leaving everyone in the office started a big discussion about how much I talked about babies and I wasn’t being productive talking about babies so much and they just couldn’t listen to it anymore.
I know I shouldn’t care but my feelings are hurt, when I found out I just burst into tears, I thought they were asking me because they genuinely wanted to know whilst they’ve been all slagging me off behind my back. This whole thing caused me such a great anxiety I couldn’t sleep at night all weekend and I kept crying.
I know its hormones that are making me emotional but I’ve come over such great adversities (as outlined above) and our lives are by no means perfect, I was just in a happy place carelessly talking about my baby, I was not trying to boast or rub it in people’s faces. They know me and my DP and they should also know that this was not easy for us so why would they be so cruel. Why can’t they just be happy for us? Am I being unreasonable for hating my job now?

First off, congratulations on your pregnancy

Next, please remember colleagues are not your friends. I've learned that the hard way. Even the friendly ones would stab you in the back in a heartbeat if it meant they could be promoted over you or whatever.

Be polite, friendly (superficially) and professional at all times. Don't give away info they have no right to have. It just opens doors for them to gossip and stick their noses in.

Be friendly, but vague:-

my colleagues asked about the gender

"Oh I think we'll wait and see."

Someone else asked about childcare

"We will sort something out." (It's none of their damned business - don't tell them about your arrangements so they can criticise!)

Then I was asked about whether I was choosing to buy a pram or a pushchair

"Will be deciding on that later."

Change the subject back to work all the time. Don't be rude or standoffish, but don't offer enough info for them to get deeper into your business iyswim.

Go easy on yourself. Be your own best friend. Chat to your real friends about your baby and treat yourself to bubblebaths and get your hair done. Whatever little treats to spoil yourself with.

yabvu. You're blowing up a tiny thing to huge proportions. You hate your job because someone made a comment about you talking about babies so much?
Maybe you're just talking about babies too much and thats all there is to it?

floraeasy is totally right, an excellent reply, and colleagues really aren't your friends. Realising that made it clearer to me when this happened.

How does your mum moving in with you help you save for a house? Am I being dense? probably

Anyway, just ignore them. Workplace politics are hideous and it really is easier to just disengage.

Yabu

I agree that your colleagues aren't your friends. They don't care about your pregnancy. If they ask you a question they're just being polite, give a brief answer and get on with work or ask them about their weekend plans.

How did you know that they were all talking about you? Did someone tell you? I bet they weren't 'all' talking about you in that manner at all. After all, it would be a pretty weird coincidence if every single one of them thought the same way.

Anyway, just ignore them and carry on being excited! Congratulations btw.

Next time any one asks anything I would be tempted to vaguely answer them and they say "Right, back to work then - cant have people calling YOU out for babytalk all day and no work can we"

GreenHair I assume to save paying for childcare? But that part was a bit vague for me too.

I am also wondering how did you find out they had a big discussion afterwards? Because if someone came up to you and said "Everyone agrees that you are unproductive because you keep talking about babies all the time" then that in itself is very shitty and would make me question their motives or question how often I was talking about babies

YABU. You sound a bit dramatic tbh. I can't see any great adversities that you have overcome. You got divorced and rushed into a new relationship and got pregnant. There is nothing wrong with any of that. I wouldn't describe them as great adversities. I also don't understand how your mum moving in helps you save money unless she is paying you to live there?

Good point, I don't see any adversities. Do you talk about those at work too, OP?

Maybe I am being unreasonable and paranoid, I just thought people were happy for me (for us - they know both of us).

My mum is moving in before I go back to work after my maternity so we can save on childcare costs (5 days full time nursery in my area is £1.3k a month)!

I wish I'd had to overcome as few adversities in life as you!

You say you found out what had been said but now how, how did you find out? I would imagine it was something one person said and you have no idea whether that's the truth or not.

It is pretty shit of them. It's nice to see someone excited about their pregnancy - they sound like a bunch of sour bellends.

Gah sorry for typos!!

One of my colleagues accidentally revealed that there was that everyone discussed this the day after my scan and said there was too much 'baby talk'. She actually told me she completely understood why I would be excited and it wasn't an issue for her whatsoever as she only just got back from maternity leave.

It's a bit strange. Do people really ask about a pregnancy and then complain when you talk about it? Are you sure you aren't starting the conversations yourself? There was a big hooha in my last job when the manager had to tell a colleague to stop talking about her upcoming wedding, because it got so wearing.

I'm afraid it's a bit much to expect colleagues to be happy about a baby, unless they are good friends too.

I think they sound like arseholes if they're asking about your pregnancy and then criticising you for talking about it.

If anyone asks anything further, say something light but pointed like 'Can't chat –time is money!'

Sounds like they're asking to be polite but not interested in the response - ever notice how people (colleagues, associates) ask each other on the phone how they are and always say " yeah, fine", even if their hands are hanging off, because that's the polite thing to do? Maybe it's that? Perhaps they know pregnant women get annoyed with the same questions so are trying to be creative in what they ask you, but aren't really interested in a convoluted or detailed reply.
They're your colleagues, you're all there to work and paid as such. You'll have to save your enthusiasm for a more receptive audience I'm afraid. You don't know if someone has said this about you through bitterness or jealousy perhaps - I'm TTC and would be pissed off if someone was going on about it at work in an environment where I can't escape from it and have to be professional - sorry, but that's the truth however I would never dream of telling anyone that as it's not your fault I can't get of IYSWIM.
Congratulations, btw

Great adversities? You sound a little self absorbed tbh, what you outline doesn't sound particularly out of the ordinary.

"One of my colleagues then made a comment that she would not be able to live with mother or mother in law even if to save money."

Not sure why this bit is an issue? Did you take it as an insult? Because if you have a Mother that (a) you can live with without killing each other and (b) who is willing to leave her home to move in with you and be an unpaid childminder, you are extremely lucky.

Also, I have to agree with other peeps that unless there is a huge back story, I don't see many "great adversities" - apologies if I've missed something.

Finally, unless you are v lucky, your work colleagues are often not your friends. I think you are probably very hormonal and it is easy to get upset when you're pregnant. Personally I would be very noncommital in future if I were you, and only answer questions in a vague manner, then change the subject or crack on with work.

The language is all a bit 'take a break'
Adversity? Beach in Bali? Dream home.
It is the sort of thing that invites snarky comments.
Colleagues are just that, so if you mention whirlwind romances etc it is unlikely you will be taken seriously.

Sorry, I have nothing to add about the office gossip situation, except that it is very easy to talk too much about babies, I myself couldn't help being a baby bore. I wouldn't take it too seriously, just cut down on that stuff.

But I ammore concerned about your plans. Unless your mother is a saint, it will not be a good idea to move her in with your family. Everything has been so fast and you are only just getting to know your fiancé. This is much too early to have your mother living with you.

Sorry - I didn't divulge enough about my adversities and it rubbed people the wrong way. I get it how it would but just to be clear when I split up form my ex we had to sell our house, he lost his job and even though we were trying to split up, I couldn't just leave him so I ended up staying for 2 years until he got a new job and we managed to sell our old house to enable us both to move on.
After that I dated a few people who all ended up being complete arseholes with commitment issues e.g. one who was stringing me along whilst he had a gf all along, the other one who was not ready to commit and have children because he was just out of a long relationship and most recently a 9 month relationship with someone who was more interested in spending time with his mates and going to stag weekends than spending time with me.

I feel like splitting up and standing on my both feet whilst dating all sorts of losers and time wasters made me feel so down and seriously doubting whether I would ever meet someone normal/set up a family. To finish off, last year I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst and had to undertake biopsy and a cystoscopy which meant that I wasn't even sure whether I would be able to get pregnant.

Maybe, I come across as self absorbed, but I feel like I had such a tough time when I would often feel down about life, I am so happy to be pregnant and I appreciate it even more so now.

Sorry OP but that just sounds like life, not great adversities!

There is a lot of harshness on this thread. So what if the OPs great adversities aren't your great adversities? She's is entitled to describe her own experiences however she likes.

Floraeasy gave the most measured response. Colleagues are not your friends. Bear in mind that the one who told you the others were talking about you particularly isn't your friend, but a bit of a shitstirrer.