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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think primary school should make this easier?

68 replies

Bestbees · 08/05/2017 13:05

My twins are starting at out local primary in September. I recieved the paper work about induction programmes etc today. There are three meetings in the summer term all for an hour at 9.30am. These are said to be important so that we understand the induction process.

However i work (part time secondary teacher) and all the meetings are during those days. I will not be given time off for this. My husband could, but has an hour commute so would end up taking half a day holiday for each, which he cannot spare.

Also, there are 3 trial sessions for children during that term 2-3pm. We can manage these as we have a nanny, but how does that work if your children are in nursery?

I know that there isnt much they can do about the settling in sessions, but surely parent meetings could be in the evening?

So Aibu about this? What does everyone else do? I think i am a little over sensitive as MIL thinks I shouldn't work to accommodate this kind of thing and made a cats bum mouth when I suggested maybe i should go back full time and DH stop working

OP posts:
hazeyjane · 08/05/2017 13:42

I went to ds's induction meeting and there were only 4 of us there! (and 2 of us had children with special needs, so had a separate induction meeting....I just thought I'd be extra keen!)

BlackeyedSusan · 08/05/2017 13:44

ours email out info packs after the event.

they prefer you not to take the children to some things (another parent asked if they could bring children and were told no, but I had just turned up with mine as it was that or not go at all and they were fine with it)

aI woudl email and ask which is the most importatn and attend that one only. or ask for them to email the information out as you are teaching on those days.

2014newme · 08/05/2017 13:44

How will you manage if ots part time at the start?

rightsofwomen · 08/05/2017 13:46

I've never understood all this. Most teachers are working parents, so they must understand how difficult it is for many parents to be at school an hour here and there.

I think I would email the school and ask if they have any parent induction meetings in the evening. If not then just don't go but ask for the paper work.

Fl0ellafunbags · 08/05/2017 13:49

I aim to be the enigmatic mother who wafts in and out!

Don't engage and remember that the first School Mum™ who invites you for coffee is the one to be avoided at all costs.

Strikhedonia · 08/05/2017 13:50

I am glad the schools still take into account parents of a first child, or foreign parents, people who don't necessarily know the system. I even went for my 3rd, because we moved area and all schools are different. are they really supposed to go through the list and not invite the know-it all, I am a governor, I already have 3 kids at school? I can imagine how that would go if they only invited a few selected parents.

it's great to be smug and mock information about uniforms, but then all year round we will have to deal with the "why can't my kid wear purple socks/ black trainers/ his batman outfit". Some parents clearly don't get the message, do they.

If you don't want to go, just don't. Schools are trying to make it easier for parents and children and they still get criticised.

I much prefer day meetings, I can attend whilst my youngest is at nursery. I can't go to evening meetings unless I take the kids with me.

Of course, not everyone can attend the settling in sessions, but you can't expect the school to stop doing them because of a few who can't attend.

Morphene · 08/05/2017 13:52

Isn't the point that some children will be starting school without having attended nursery, and THEY need the chance to gradually get used to the idea of being looked after by someone other than their family?

If your kid has already crossed that threshold by going to nursery full time (or part time I guess) then there is no need?

So the parents of kids who need this slow introduction are likely available as they have been full time caring until now, and the parents that work don't need to be there because their children are already used to the idea of school.

CountryCaterpillar · 08/05/2017 13:54

My duaghter had been to preschool but the introduction mornings were brilliant for her to get used to the classroom and her new teacher so it was a. Familiar environment to go into in September.

SunsetGrigio · 08/05/2017 13:54

I'd email that i work full time so you need the info either in an evening meeting or via email. We did have one evening induction at ours thank god, as otherwise i would't have known about the ridiculous three week "phasing in" bollocks schedule that they had devised. Pretty sure if i was in any other job than i am in currently, i would've been left unemployed by it!

1bighappyfamily · 08/05/2017 13:55

FI0 I'm only two terms in but I don't understand why it's so awful to be nice to the parents of children your children are in school with.

I have no wish to live in the pockets of the 29 other families in our class but actually, it's quite good knowing some of them a bit. It also means that, as someone who works outside the home, when my daughter gets asked to play at someone else's house, I at least know the name and face of one or both of the parents.

I agree that the daytime induction meetings are a pain, (our school does them in the evening by the way) but the park meet up before school started was quite good and reasonably helpful.

CountryCaterpillar · 08/05/2017 13:56

Same here. Its been really useful to know some of the other parents. Especially on a day someone can't make pick up. Playdates are usually arranged through parents that know each other, party invites etx.

1bighappyfamily · 08/05/2017 13:57

Oh and I get you were being a bit lighthearted, but it's an attitude I've come across a bit on MN and I really don't understand the underlying antipathy towards other parents!

Northgate · 08/05/2017 14:01

That sounds like a lot of meetings.

DS1's school had one induction meeting - about 30-60 mins long, straight after school finished. They said they timed it then so any older siblings could go into the afterschool session. Not so great for parents working full time - as a pp said, there seems to be an assumption that the children all have a parent on hand at home - but parents who couldn't come were e-mailed the information. It covered stuff about the daily routine, uniform, homework, out of school clubs, what to do re. pick ups and drop offs and so on, with questions at the end.

And then a few weeks into the autumn term, they had a parents phonics workshop on a Saturday to tell us about their approach to literacy and how to help our DC learn to read.

Original poster
Bestbees · 08/05/2017 14:03

I do think it is a good think for children to be properly settled in of course. I also think that three day time parents meeting and three summr settin sessions, part time starts and asking parents to attend the first 20 minutes of school is too much.

Surely this would be better:

Two one hour meetings, one day and one evening for you to choose. Extra time made available for those with additional questions or individual concerns.

Part time for a week with wrap around care available for working parents.

Flexibility for those (rare i would guess) kids who have attended no preschool.

In terms of meeting other parents, yes great. Being made to feel that i will be failing if i dont want to sacrifice myself at the school gate not so great.

OP posts:
MarklahMarklah · 08/05/2017 14:05

The school my DD attends run these sessions during the evenings with several months' warning so that parents/carers are able to attend. As a school they are very aware of the difficulties of daytime sessions.

BrutusMcDogface · 08/05/2017 14:10

I have read this thread with growing puzzlement tbh.

What is wrong with getting to know other parents? It's not "desperate"! I have met some lovely families since my dd started school. That is because everyone there is friendly and chatty, and nobody deems themselves too important to smile and make small talk whilst waiting for the kids to come out.

I agree also that if you can't make the meetings, you can't make the meetings! Explain why and just get the handouts as explained above.

Other pps who are saying they are on their third dc etc etc; don't go!

1bighappyfamily · 08/05/2017 14:11

Bestbees in fairness that schedule is batshit crazy.

We had:

One evening meeting for parents which if memory serves was at 6 or 7 and lasted about an hour. I think there were two slots and you went to one of your choosing.

One induction session at the school which was mid-morning. We got to bring them to the classroom, stayed for about 15 minutes and then were taken off to the library for coffee while the children stayed for about 90 minutes. That was in July.

Home visit (which lasted 15 minutes) in the first week of September. I was lucky as it was on a day I worked from home but would have had to arrange time off otherwise. I didn't get a choice as to the slot.

Then, once they were started they were in for two hours on Monday, until lunch on Tuesday, picked up after lunch on Wednesday and Thursday and then full-time on Friday and that was it. So we only had a week of non-standard stuff. Oh, and parents don't go into the classroom - we waved them through the door that goes directly in from the YR outside area.

They all seem to have survived that level of induction....as do the parents.

Igottastartthinkingbee · 08/05/2017 14:12

They're not compulsory. I'm sure you'll get the info sent out to you somehow. Settling in sessions for the kids are more important I'd say.

Original poster
Bestbees · 08/05/2017 14:13

1big that sounds totally sensible!

OP posts:
halcyondays · 08/05/2017 14:14

3 induction meetings sounds OTT, we only had one.

Strikhedonia · 08/05/2017 14:15

Being made to feel that i will be failing if i dont want to sacrifice myself at the school gate

that''s your problem with your MIL, not the school.

I do like how SOME working mums always moan and look down at SAHM at the start of the year, then change their tune on inset days/ elections days or half term when they are desperate for free childcare. Again, I have been both, and I have never felt inferior one way or another, but as great as my job is, it's something I do, not what I am.

TwigTheWonderKid · 08/05/2017 14:25

Can't your nanny attend in your stead? Presumably she'll be the one doing homework with the children and dealing with day to day school stuff anyway?

Original poster
Bestbees · 08/05/2017 14:32

The nanny will only be with us to cover the half days, then the kids will do after school care and then we will do hw etc.

Strik yes you are correct that the feeling are my problem. I am sure my husband wont have the same worries or feelings and i should seperate out that from the schools arrangements.

Only being given a weeks notice has stressed me out a bit!

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 08/05/2017 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AntiGrinch · 08/05/2017 14:51

"primary school should make this easier?"

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

"surely parent meetings could be in the evening?"

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

To be fair though, you don't want the meeting in the evening. Then you might have to go to it, and rush back from work and miss dinner and sit in a hard chair to spend 90 minutes finding out something that would take you 5 minutes to understand in writing.

Primary schools are ABOMINABLE at this. They treat you as if you have all the time in the world, and yet they NEVER tell you all the information. Even if you go to everything and keep all the letters, there will still be something unclear, at least once a week.

Here is what I have learnt.

  • you can't go to everything. don't worry about it.
  • always send a friendly message asking for the info about "why not to sleep with a plastic bag on your head" in writing. you may or may not need it, but at least you then have it, if they will release it; and it makes you look like you give a shit.
  • make friends with other parents and have a fb group. You can share info on it. One day you will be the lucky person who found out by chance that on the 27 February the whole class is wearing jackdaw costumes! The other days someone else will know.
  • schools are really into "parental engagement". this goes beyond actual educational support, as I was expecting (e.g. reading with your child) and goes well into the realms of (pointless) general community activities. I get that the school is my child's community, but for some reason they really want it to be the parents' community as well and have them showing up every other day. I don't know why. When I ask people (not people at my dcs' school as I don't want them all to hate me) I get vague waffly replies. Reading between the lines I think the answer is: it's ok, not you. we don't care if you engage or not. We are trying to get to families we don't trust; families we think don't have books on the shelves and suspect of not practising middle class culture at home.
  • I used to engage with all this stuff very dutifully and literally but it's not about you knowing stuff. If they really gave a shit about parents having all practical information to hand, they would do something about it (they never do). It's about "engagement" and it's something creepier and more ignorable than that.
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