Bought a "new baby" gift - now a christening gift?!

[ZiggyForever]

AIBU to not want to buy our friends a christening gift since we already bought them a new baby gift when she was born a few months ago?

We didn't know they'd be having a christening but we've just received an invitation in the post - it seems to be a big event with food and drinks at a golf course afterwards.

I don't want to turn up empty-handed but . . .

TheWeeWitch that's a great idea, I'll do that, plus some money in a card. Thank you!

OP - Monday morning crabbiness can cover a multitude of sins - I hope it's a lovely day.

'YOU sound incredibly judgemental, NuffSaidSam, '

Well, I am judging you so I can't totally disagree with that (although you did ask?!)

I don't think saying that you're 'petty' for quibbling about a Christening gift makes me 'militant' or 'very unpleasant', but I can agree to disagree!

Have a OP. A book is a lovely idea.

"Incredibly petty" is pretty judge-y but maybe you have the Monday morning crabbiness too . . .

I agree OP about some mnetters being incredibly judgemental. I replied on another thread today that mn is a twin edge sword.

Take a gift or don't really. It's up to you but I agree it's all grabby now. Baby showers, birth gifts, christening gifts etc. Same with weddings and hen dos. Cash for this, cash for that etc. Different generations have different parameters of expectations and what's reasonable to ask of people.

Some people do act 'entitled'. We gave £150.00 cash to a relative as a wedding gift and did not even get a thank you.

I always treat the new baby gift as something to ease the financial burden of a new baby. So I buy something they need, a sleeping bag perhaps. If I was religious I'd get a religious gift for a christening, since I am not, I buy a book. Something thoughtful, but not expensive.

When my twins were christened I was very aware lots of my younger friends (early 20s) were very skint and had been very generous and got them lots of presents and gifts when they were born so I made sure when they were invited to the christening that I told them gifts really weren't necessary and I really just wanted to celebrate welcoming the boys into our church with all our family and friends. Especially as uni friends were travelling from around the country.
Some of them still got gifts or gave money, a few pulled resources and got them a small joint present and one friend made a lovely hand made card with a lovely hand written poem in. It was by far the cheapest gift they received but by far our most treasured.

Give what you can afford to, but not just for the sake of it.

As an aside OP, if I get someone a baby shower gift, they don't get another present from me when the baby is born, they have already had their present. Don't feel obliged to buy for a baby shower then again when it is born.

But yes, a christening present is a given and has nothing to do with a present when the baby is born.

Just going to sneak on to say that I had the same dilemma a while ago, almost posted about it (rather wish I had now!), thought 'no, I know the answer, a token gift is fine', then felt on the day that I'd misjudged it.

Up until that point, I'd given gifts either immediately, or at a christening. That's because my 'first crop' of christenings were of babies from my ante-natal group, so we hadn't given each other gifts already.

With this friend's baby, we'd given a nice 'baby present' early on. Then, the christening... it was only on the day that it really dawned on me what a close and special gathering it was, of family and friends who the parents, presumably, hoped would have some continuing role in the child's life and that I was quite honoured to be there. (Also that they'd spent quite a lot on a lovely tea for us all afterwards - and, while I always argue that wedding gifts etc should be in proportion to the ability and desire to give of the giver, not of the host..) that my tiny token gift was really very stingy and not adequately 'lifelong', as even a nice stuffed toy, music box or child's book can be.

'"Incredibly petty" is pretty judge-y '

Not arguing about the judginess. AIBU is a section that invites judginess. AIBU is a question that requires me to make a judgment. I did and I stand by it. It is petty to begrudge someone inviting you to a Christening because months before you'd bought the kid a present!

It was the militant and very unpleasant that I object to! But, I'll put that down to the Monday morningness of the whole situation

I always give a book as a christening gift - I buy a vintage copy of hardcover classic like Peter Pan and I write a nice inscription in the front of it. It usually costs about a fiver - the parents of the baby have loved it each time I've done this

I do this too, sometimes a poetry anthology. Thoughtful is often nicer to receive than expensive.

Newborn and christening gifts are hardly a new concept or grabby! (or wedding gifts or birthday gifts whilst we are there).

Most people consider it rude to turn up even to a diner party without a little something. Apparently, there's always one. Sad.

You don't have to go.

All of mine were bapstised within 8 weeks of birth. I really hope none of our friends or relatives thought it was an way of extracting gifts.

I've never really thought about this! None of my friends have or would christen their children so i guess I've never needed to consider it.
I also only buy a pressie for baby shower, not new baby present too. Or just a new baby pressie if they didn't have a dreaded baby shower!
Present giving can be never ending otherwise

Just a card is fine!
Or a nice classic childrens book that you write a little message in.

Why not buy an inexpensive present like a copy of a children's classic book?

Thanks everyone - I do have a different perspective on this now, and I lost sight of the fact we've been invited to a lovely celebration because of the seemingly relentless gift-buying we've been doing recently. House moves, engagements, weddings, hen dos, baby showers, new babies and now christenings . . . it just momentarily got to "FFS! Another one?!" level for me!

I'm back in my box . . .

If someone is hosting you with food and drink in any scenario (wedding, Christening, BBQ, dinner party) I think it's impolite to turn up empty-handed.

You can get a gift for less than a tenner - a moneybox, a children's dictionary, a room sign, a cup, something like that?

I do understand. It's an endless stream of engagement parties, bridal shower, then hen do, then wedding, then baby shower, then baby is born, then blessing or christening, the a couple of months later the baby is one and you are invited to a big do for that as well!!! I know it's lovely to be invited and have friends and I do really love my friends and care about their lovely kids too. But apart from my sister and really close 2 friends i've started really scaling back. No new outfits for me for each event or weddings, I rotate dresses/nice top and pants, and put my dd's who are invited to a few of these things in clothes they already have. Presents under a tenner (thoughtfully chosen, however), and card factory cards for 79p. Call me a cheapskate but last year it was every other bloody weekend! Then dd's friends parties, don't get me started on those!

I think the expectations of gift giving have just become obscene in recent years. I'll give you an example of an ex friend of mine. I swear to god I wish I was making this shit up! But she expected cards and gifts/money/vouchers for all of the following (all within an 18 month spell):

Engagement
Hen Party
Wedding
Pregnancy announcement
Baby shower
Evacuating baby from womb (expected a gift for her and baby, so 2 x gifts)
First wedding anniversary
Baby's first Christmas plus presents for her and DH (so expected 3 x gifts)
Her 30th birthday

I've since cut ties having realised what a spoiled, grabby little witch she is after numerous passive aggressive FB posts going up that were clearly aimed at me. I gave gifts for her wedding, the birth of her child (only the child) and a small minding for the baby at Christmas (only the baby). All other occasions I just sent cards, 'cause where the fuck do you draw the line!? Didn't go down very well with her at all. I was all too happy to say buh-bye in the end! I'm a single mum. I cannot afford to spend absurd amounts on congratulatory gifts for other people's lifestyle choices. Her wedding alone just about bankrupted us on travel, accommodation and outfits - and that was before we dealt with the John Lewis gift list (nothing available under £50).

I've just had my 30th and the thing that meant the most to me was simply being remembered - whether that was being sent a card or a text or message on FB/WhatsApp, etc. I didn't spring up in the morning expecting a pile of gifts! I got a lot of warm, fuzzy feels every time I heard my phone ding. It meant so much to have people just wish me a happy birthday. I was raised to appreciate that - not to be an entitled, pampered, demanding little madam!

NO, YANBU OP in just sending a card. Draw your lines in the sand and stick to them!

I always buy a copy of Dr Seuss oh the places you will go for Christening present. £3.99 from Asda and it's a lovely story and keepsake

If it bothers you so much then don't bring a gift. It isn't obligatory.

I would bring something though, same as I would bring something if invited for dinner.

A gift isn't a gift if it is expected or required or reciprocated.

A party isn't a party if there's a financial expectation on the guests.

You chose to give a gift when the baby was born and that's lovely.

You can choose whether or not to go to this christening.

If you go to the christening it us usual in our culture not to come empty-handed but better to go empty handed than go with a gift that you begrudge and resent giving.

As someone said upthread a new baby gift is usually for the baby or the mum during the baby phase but a christening gift is for the whole human life stretching across decades. Different things. Would you think it was different if the family had scheduled the christening for when the baby is 18 months old?

I got that book for my nephew Britt and a compass inscribed with his name, date and 'oh the places you'll go'. He didn't give a shit but his mum loved it:)