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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL

43 replies

Crowdblundering · 08/05/2017 09:52

I don't know if I am being a cow but I need a rant as cannot say this to DH.

SIL is a lot younger than him and in her 20s and we are in our 40s.

Last year she got into her first serious relationship and he moved in with SIL and MIL. SIL proceeded to then rack up £30,000 of debt with bf (cars holidays, shite she did not need) while bf went from one job to the next (kitchen porter type work) getting sacked for his bad attitude and SIL then asked DH to take out a loan for her to pay it back - thankfully he didn't.

Christmas MIL texts OH to tell him SIL and bf have had a massive row and he has gone off in her car (he is banned) with her phone and she is going to leave him (this has also happened while DH was visiting - twice).

SIL is now pregnant (planned) and is very excited. I am happy for her as she will be a good mum (I think/hope) but I feel sad that she is going to have a baby with such a massive tit and may end up left with the debt and a baby.

Have bought a pram which cost £700 and had numerous 4D scans etc everything documented on social media with "gender reveal" which makes my toes curl and numerous trips to A&E for headaches, colds etc with FB check ins followed by rants slagging off the NHS for being shit (never mind its idiots like her bringing it to its fucking knees).

She has now broken a bone in her foot rendering her unable to drive and had a scan booked and plastered it all over FB that it's fine he'll drive her (even though he is banned so therefore uninsured which makes me feel enraged).

Final straw is we are getting married this year just after baby is due (so they may not even make it - which is fine) - but they are planning on getting engaged at our fucking wedding. I just want to tell DH to tell them to fuck right off but I can't because it's his little sister.

And breathe - thanks feels so much better to say what I am feeling Smile

OP posts:
Greyponcho · 08/05/2017 10:02

Yikes!!
Not wanting to read and run... but they want to make your wedding about them? Hmm
Not cool.
Sounds like your SIL needs her head checking tbh

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 08/05/2017 10:02

She is just doing my fucking head in Grin

OP posts:
ExplodedCloud · 08/05/2017 10:04

Oh dear. There's going to be a lot of pieces to pick up at some point :(
Keep your fingers crossed that they will be far too busy with baby stuff to come to the wedding and even if they do announce it, everyone will be thinking "Bad form"

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 08/05/2017 10:07

I am hoping that 😂 Although if they do it I will of course be gracious about it but tbh I am worried and the massive trail of mess she is creating and she has no idea the chaos a baby is going to create too Sad

OP posts:
DisorderedAllsorts · 08/05/2017 10:10

Goodness her life sounds like something out of Jeremy Kyle. Really tacky, sorry OP I don't know what to advise.

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 08/05/2017 10:13

Yeah that's what I always say to DH - "it's very Jeremy Kyle isn't it?" Angry

OP posts:
ExplodedCloud · 08/05/2017 10:17

At least you know it's happening which is better than being blindsided by it. You can prepare your 'Happy Face' and you can 'prepare' guests for the surprise.
Poor baby though :(
How is MIL about it all?

Fragglez · 08/05/2017 10:20

Good God! Get engaged at your wedding?!! No YANBU! And your DH to be should absolutely understand where you are coming from, any normal person would understand. MIL sounds like she isn't BF's biggest fan - can you get her onside to have a word with her daughter about how stunningly inappropriate her plan is, if you don't want to tackle it yourself?

How close is wedding to due date? Hopefully she will be in labour Grin

thecatsarecrazy · 08/05/2017 10:22

Oh dear try and stay out of it as much as you can. I have a bil who I can see everything going belly up from the choices he's been making. Steady job to quitting and ending up in serious debt. But its his life we just have to be prepared to be there when it goes wrong again.

HildaOg · 08/05/2017 10:23

Put your foot down, if she wants to get engaged at your wedding then she needs to be uninvited. Have them warned that any attention seeking at the wedding will result in them being thrown out. And mean it.

Report him to the police for driving while banned and uninsured. Report her to her insurance company for allowing him to drive her car.

All the other drama is irrelevant. There's no need to be involved in her life.

Be honest with your fiance, if he's not on your side then take it as a sign that you'll have nothing but hassle for the future and don't marry him.

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 08/05/2017 10:26

TBH without being hideously nasty MIL is not the brightest and I do not get on with her - she was really quite abusive to DH during his childhood which I have supported him through having therapy for.

It's all civil but just that as he chooses to have a relationship with her and I support his choice in that - she never ever sees his daughters (we are very actively a part of their lives) or sends them birthday cards etc but will post ridiculous memes on FB about adoring her grand daughters which I know hurts him.

I think yeah go ahead and do it and look like fools but it does irk me a bit as we have worked hard and saved to get married and it's our day but hey ho what can I do?

OP posts:
krustykittens · 08/05/2017 10:27

EVERYTHING HildaOg said! I would also take her to one side and have a quite chat, just outline how difficult life can be if you piss off everyone around you. REALLY mean it!

Hissy · 08/05/2017 10:27

What HildaOg said, 100%

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 08/05/2017 10:28

Thing is SIL works for the insurance company .

OP posts:
Bumbumtaloo · 08/05/2017 10:28

Personally if I knew he would be driving the car on so and so day and so and so time I would report him to the police, I'm surprised someone else hasn't already tbh.

I know someone who's brother proposed to his girlfriend at her wedding, she didn't know it was going to happen but everyone (including their own parents) thought he was a dick for doing so. So on the flip side OP if they do go ahead and do it hopefully most of your guests will think the same!!

TheFaerieQueene · 08/05/2017 10:28

Why hasn't anyone called the police about him driving when banned. He is statistically more likely to have a serious accident and could kill or injure an innocent.

Hissy · 08/05/2017 10:28

Report her and report him. Seriously. this is putting people at risk!

Fcukthetww · 08/05/2017 10:41
  1. Report him for driving uninsured- its idiots like that who raise the premiums for everyone else.
  2. Tell her to fuck off getting engaged at your wedding- I've never heard anything so preposterous. Don't be afraid to uninvited them both. In fact uninvite him just because he's a cock weasel, problem solved.
  3. Don't buy into her drama full stop. Tell your mil/ dh that you don't want to know and if it's mentioned in your hearing then change the subject- rudely if necessary. (As you can probably tell, I am a blast at family get togethers) First time on mumsnet I've felt the need for bullet points, usually I save that for my teenager when she's in big trouble.
chocatoo · 08/05/2017 10:44

How do you know about planning to get engaged at yr wedding? Surely you are engaged or you are not engaged - how do you plan?? Regardless, I am afraid that if it was me I would have to say something along the lines of 'I've heard that you are planning etc, please don't as it's my and my new husband's big day and I would like to bask in our one, special day without having to share. Sorry if that sounds like a Bridezilla, but that's how I feel and it's best that you know now that I would be upset and annoyed on my big day'.....I think you have to be that blunt to be sure that the message has permeated and if she doesn't like it, tough - it's YOUR and your DH day, not hers!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 08/05/2017 10:46

We knew mil would spoil our wedding so we uninvited her.
So she ruined the honeymoon instead. .
We are nc. .
Don't be afraid to tell her the day is about you and dh not her.
Your dh has this opportunity to stand by you not her. .
Hope he takes it.

onalongsabbatical · 08/05/2017 10:50

Yes, report him for driving while banned and uninsured. Everything else is the sideshow. And if he's arrested and charged for that thing's'll start to unravel for them anyway. They need to learn a few lessons.
YADNBU. I guess that your DH has complicated attachments due to abusive childhood - has he talked about his sister in therapy?
Maintaining a relationship with his sister is one thing, aiding and abetting her stupidity and criminality is another. They sound awful!
Congratulations for your wedding! FlowersFlowersFlowers

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 08/05/2017 10:56

Tell her if she goes through with this ridiculous plan to try and steal your thunder, you will wait until her wedding to annouce you are pregnant, with twins. Grin

Seriously though, I'd be fuming. I'd tell your DF that he had better have a word and get this plan stopped. It's a twatish thing to do. Is she the favourite child? A spoilt madam who has to be the centre of attention by any chance?

And report the insurance thing. This fucks me right off.

Undercoverbanana · 08/05/2017 10:59

Shoe doesn't sound like "good Mum" material. She is bringing a baby into an unstable relationship, racks up debts she can't repay, allows an unborn child to be driven around by a banned/uninsured driver and thinks announcing her engagement on YOUR day is appropriate.

PovertyPain · 08/05/2017 10:59

Why haven't you told her you don't want her getting engaged at your wedding? Tell her it makes as much sense to do that, as it would if you were to rock up to the hospital when her baby is born and tried to make it al, about you. She's a dick.

Just I'm being totally nosey, but how did your mil spoil your honeymoon?

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 08/05/2017 11:03

She is the spoilt child yes - afterthought Elastoplast baby (didn't work) 16 yrs younger than OH who was representing the country running the day she was born and got chastised for not visiting.

I try and stay out of the drama as much as possible we have our family but OH obviously wants to keep the connection and I support him in that.

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